So, what have you learnt so far?

It's such a beautiful day and I'm in such a good mood it's hard to muster my usual anger, hate, venom, resentment, animosity, down right dislike for the world etc. It's 3 in the afternoon and as of yet I haven't felt the need to gouge a single eye out. Yet.


The warm afternoon sun, espresso, rollie, and good tunes (Explosions in the Sky) have combined in such a way as to dull the constant rage. Change the tunes and these are the same ingredients can be used to fuel a ten page rage about serving cheese. But today readers I am in a good mood and feeling reflective.

I've been writing this blog for almost a month now so lets see what we know and have learnt so far.

This all started when an asshole wanted to smoke in our non-smoking restaurant. He made a dick of himself in such a fantastic way. Needless to say I was some what upset if not as close as I have ever been to commiting customericide. But it wasn't just customers that pissed on my apron this month chefs were at it too. I know who blame! I introduced you to some of my work colleagues. A motley crew of whores and jokers who keep me sane and piss me off in equal measures. My girlfriend and her little fat friends met Eddie yesterday and were as wowed as the rest of the female population are when they meet him. I shuffled her out of the way quick style.

You were also informed of my dislike of kids in restaurants and that I want to get it on with Saturday night. My favourite complaint of the month was the douchebag who poured vinegar over his food and then complained it tasted of, wait for it, VINEGAR. Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag. (I use the word douchebag as a nod to my American readers. I can see you out there!) If you have ever wondered why your workplace is full off mouthbreathers, check the basement or attic. And God forbid you rip your trousers at work, ensure you have good trunks on. I advise any men out there of a certain size to spend more than 8 quid on a pair of trousers. Its a false economy!

I don't despise customers as a rule. In fact I really do love my job. But they bring it on themselves! If you change your food to the point where it is unrecognisable from the menu description or splosh vinegar over it don't come running to me to wipe the tears from your eyes! I just won't care!

This month will be an interesting few weeks what with the impending smoking ban. That should garnish a few lines of note. Oh God there will be more than a few tears and tantrums and the customers aren't going to be happy either. And this weekend I have not one but two weddings to deal with. You can look forward to a cheap and obvious Hugh Grant related title next week.

Until then kick back, relax, put on some Juana Molina and wait for the pain to return. Your waiter will be with you shortly.

Oh and cheers to anyone who has been reading welldonefillet so far. Awh I love you guys. Just a bit though.