Monday, 26 March 2007

The W****r Magnet



I'm a bit paranoid at the best of times but sometimes I am convinced the world truly is out to get me. This weekend, and Sunday in particular, was no different. It reinforced my delusions!

If I wasn't replying to ridiculous questions, "What times does the restaurant open?" asked one mouthbreather whilst standing in a half full restaurant at half seven on a Saturday night (and he wasn't being ironic), I was fending of the unwanted attention of five very large very buxom ladies. Death by pillows believe me!!

At one point on Sunday afternoon I was convinced I was the only sane person left on earth such was the insanity that surrounded me. Kids were either throwing themselves off the stairs or wrecking the toilets, an old couple playing musical chairs, a lesbian couple making out at half three in the afternoon, people smoking and flicking their ash on the floor (in a non-smoking restaurant), and an old duffer complaining "Them peas aren't green enough!" WHAT? FOR F***S SAKE! Oh yes Sunday truly is the Lords day, and he is welcome to it. I didn't know if I should cry, laugh, or hit the Vodka.

Where do these people come from? All classes and creeds were represented. Do they meet up in advance and plan their attack or are they part of a modern art performance group? And then all became clear...

A wise and sage old barman replied with two simple words "WANKER MAGNET". Someone, he explained, had tripped the wanker magnet and there was nothing we could do until all the wankers had arrived! And they would be arriving as sure as shit on your shoes.

I'm gonna find it and smash it to bits. Damn that wanker magnet!

3 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

toast said...

liking that a lot... more good rantage... Not heard wanker magnet but went to see Sage Francis in manchester a few years ago, i don't think he had the best of times in manchester and declared that he thought that someone might have dropped the 'tard-bomb on the town - perhaps thats what happened?

Manuel said...

Sage Francis eh, now theres a blast from the recent past. 'tard bomb hahahaha

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