Wednesday, 21 March 2007

"Eddie" The Gentleman Whore (Names have been changed to protect the guilty)


Every restaurant/bar is staffed by enough freaks to stock a carnival. The bigger the freak you are the longer you can last in this industry. That's why normal people don't last very long and eventually leave and get a "real job". In reality they are just moving to a job that is staffed by people that have the same carnival genes as them! Clearly I am speaking metaphorically here, well to a point, I have worked with a few bearded ladies and John Merrick types over the years. No, the freak gene I refer to manafests itself by interfering with the logic receptors on your brain. It scrambles that part of your brain that puts up with shit, that puts up with abuse from customers, that keeps you from leaving. It's caused by "barteria" (see what I did there?). This barteria seeps into your blood and goes directly to your brain. Once there it grows over your logic receptors like mould on bread. The longer you work in bars/restaurants the harder it is to leave. It's not your fault, it's the barteria.

The characters are the same from outlet to outlet. There will be a mixture of psychotics, whore's (both male and female), the trendy kids, loners (who aren't psychotics), spides, and management suck ups. These can be divided further. Spides for example can be both malignant (they will rob your bag, your tips, your house when your at work) and benign (they can get you pirate dvd's, they can get anything chipped, they "know" people who can get drugs). But today I want to concentrate on the whores, specifically a man whore. Lets call him "Eddie".

Eddie likes the ladies and the ladies like Eddie. I am secure enough in my sexuality to say that Eddie is a good looking guy, no Manuel but hey! Eddie has nailed them all, customers and staff. It's getting to the point were it would be easier just to schedule it as part of a new employee's first week. Day one orientation, Day two beverage training, Day three introduction to Eddie, Day four food service, Day five sleep with Eddie! Eddie is a legend there is no doubt about it. But what makes Eddie a bigger legend is that he doesn't boast about his liasons. He fills his boots and moves on. I respect that. Most if not all male whores shout about their conquests, as they see it. Eddie remains the gentleman. But in this insestuous world of hospitality it always leaks out. And when you ask him about it he will confirm or deny as is appropriate. The other bit that makes him a legend is his ability to work with or serve these people after the event. There is never an atmosphere or even a hint of bitterness. He is also very selective, choosing only those ladies that are actually nice people.
It's remarkable if you ask me. Hey, maybe he doesn't actually sleep with them, maybe he just hugs and listens to their problems.
Clutching at straws?
Bitter?
Me?

4 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

The Cookie Girl said...

Hey Manuel,
You don't know me but Im a member of bitterwaitress.com. I was really interested in your blog because you are in Ireland! Lucky you! My father was from Ireland, but he died when I was young so I have always been into anything Irish! And I love your blogs. Keep on entertaining a lonely little irish girl in Florida. Your great!

Manuel said...

If your lonely i could introduce you to Eddie? HAHAHA! Only joking, cheers cookie girl

The Cookie Girl said...

Not your oh so sleazy co-worker? But I wouldnt mind an introduction to Eddie Izzard! HAHA! Let me know if you can pull that one out of your hat!
By the way, your ripped pants story is hilarious. The same thing happened to me when I worked at a pet shop.

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