Monday, 12 March 2007

Favourite Customer Complaints (No 1 in a never ending series)

The customer ordered the Liver and Bacon which I duly served to his table after about 20 minutes. I wasn't hanging about with it to drag out time, it takes about 20 minutes to cook.

Manuel "Now sir can I get you anything else before you start?"

Customer "Yes can I get some vinegar? I love vinegar with liver"

Manuel "Very good sir"

The vinegar was delivered forth with and applied with great gusto! Infact very great gusto. But 2 minutes later...

Customer "Take this away, its awful". He was clearly very upset, waving his hands about like one of those inflatable men.

Manuel "Sir, I apologise. What is the problem with your meal?" I enquired with genuine sincerity. He seemed so unhappy I was almost taken aback.


The answer shocked me. I couldn't believe my ears.

"Vinegar sir? The vinegar you added sir?"


"Yes sir, very good." I was struggling hold back the laughter.

I returned to the table a couple of minutes later with the vinegar soaked liver still with me.
"Now sir, after explaining the situation to the chef he feels that on this occasion that as you applied the vinegar the responsibility for the meal lies with you alone. But he is more than willing to prepare you another liver and bacon or any other meal from the menu as long as you understand that you will be paying for both."

[Clearly the chef never said anything of the sort! If I had repeated even a single word of what he had said one, if not both, of us would have ended that night unemployed. After explaining the customers complaint the chef replied:" Tell the BLEEPING BLEEP TO GO AND BLEEP HIMSELF AND IF HE THINKS I'M GONNA BLEEPING MAKE IT AGAIN HE CAN GO A BLEEP HIMSELF WITH A VINEGAR BOTTLE. BLEEP." He stopped. I thought he was finished but he was just taking in air. And he was off again. "TELL HIM HE CAN LICK THE BACK OF MY BLEEPS THE BLEEPING BLEEP. IF HE WANTS ANOTHER BLEEPING LIVER HE WILL BLEEPING PAY FOR IT." I left the liver and headed to the restaurant laughing hard. But was chased down before I got onto the floor by the chef. "HE'S BLEEPING PAYING FOR IT SO HE CAN BLEEPING HAVE IT."]

I took a half step back and awaited one of those violent customer reactions that leaves you covered in their spit. But no.

"Leave it down then, I'll try and eat something". He was adopting the attitude of a well spoilt child. But as I walked away from the table I could hear him muttering about London and Dublin and about Belfast being ten years behind.

No I don't think so. If you act like a spoilt child expect to get treated as such.
Life is about little victories. And I raised the flag on this one.

1 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

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