Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Reasons to phone in sick

Manuel's favourite table
an empty table...


Five groups of customers that make me want to get sick (So I don't have to go to work)

6. Tax officials (HM Revenue). No sense of humour at all. I had a table recently of tax officials for dinner and as an ice breaker I though I would ask them if they wanted any cheap cigarettes or DVD's. Okay it's not Bill Hicks but worth a giggle I thought. Not a peep except one smart arse who asked me if I had declared my tips recently. Cunt, that's just not funny. The rest of the meal was served in silence.

5. Estate Agents. These are the main exponents of cuff link wars. They dress flash, bad pin stripe suits, garish shirts and ties, and clunky bling type cuff links. Insecure? I think so! They dress flash, act flash, order flash, and tip flash. I'm not complaining about getting the tip, it's the way they do it, loud and patronising, "Hey my man, that's for you!" as they stuff a fiver into my sweaty paw. It's almost always followed up with a wink. They are manageable in small groups, tables of one or two. Anything more than that and they revert to chimps in a zoo. Unless the alpha male is there they spend the whole meal trying to out do each other. Lads, just get yer dicks out and see who has the biggest eh. Then we can get on with lunch. Jesus wept!

4. Bankers. are wankers. (It's like Wordsworth has risen from the dead eh?) Too cocky by half. And they act like spoilt brats when they are out for the night. They lose all sense of decorum and the ability to say please and thank you. If you don't believe me read this posting from a while ago.

3. Recruitment Consultants. Cheap, cheap cheap, and have no sense of humour. In many respects they are like teachers. They are full of their own self importance and never stop working even whilst they eat. Their phones never stop! They get up during their meal and do that pacing back and forward whilst talking on their mobiles thing. Gets right on my tits. SIT FUCKING DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EAT. I like to make a point of putting the jug of water (so fucking cheap) on top of their faxes and e-mails. It really winds them up. Quality...

2. Other waiters, bar staff, and managers. Ohhh controversial choice. Whilst they may be King Dick in their own restaurants, they are just another stumbling block delaying my route to the taxi home. People who work in the business fall into two camps, those who want you to know they work in the business and those who don't. By telling you that they work in the business they hope to put you under pressure and are letting you know that they cant be bullshitted. Is that right? We shall just see...Managers from other restaurants always try to find fault with the food or they ask for a drink they know we don't stock. Catch a fucking grip you power crazed insecure arse wipes. I keep myself to myself when I'm out. Well you wouldn't have expected anything else from em would you. (What about writing about them on your blog eh-LMM)

1. Teachers. They are unbearable to serve. I know you know this already. I've mentioned my "love" of serving teachers, here, here, here, and here. Have I got unresolved school issues? I think so...

I know I said five but I have given you six. That's me, always giving that little bit extra. Tomorrow, 5* tables I actually enjoy serving.

*May not be 5....

17 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

How could you leave secretaries off the list, Manuel?
Or are they only horrible when a woman is waiting on them? The only people a secretary can shit on is wait staff and beauticians. And they do it with gusto.
And a pox on the tax man who inquired about your tip revenue.

Manuel said...

Medbh: Never had a problem with them....yet

angela said...

why are...people in general such asses when they go out? i honestly don't get it. depressing, really.

p.s the new banner is pretty bitchin' :]

Anonymous Boxer said...

A better ice breaker might have been to offer them hookers? No? is that just what we do in the U.S?

OK.

A pox on them all!

ellie said...

I agree with the teacher thing, trying to arrange an appointment for one of them is a nightmare, they run through the entire list of after-school activities before they decide if they can make it or not.

sheepworrier said...

You left out culchies/farmers - surely the most tight-fisted, whinging bunch of hoors on gods green, EU subsidised earth. They're only happy when they go to the 'local' pub/restaurant where they can get their steak cremated and a nice bit of apple crumble afterwards.
And they never, ever tip.

Manuel said...

Angela: bannertastic eh!? Some people can't get over themselves...

Anonymous boxer: Now that would have been fun...

Ellie: Idiots, self involved idiots...

Sheepo: There will be a second list, maybe a third and forth list to too....my disdain for most people shows no sign of ending....

Conan Drumm said...

Many years ago, when I was but a stripling, I worked in restaurants, usually behind the scenes with my arm up to the oxter in pots. What made it bearable was when a waiter called time on a 'patron' or 'patrons' who had outstayed their welcome for some infraction, usually in the middle of their meal. We got word to make an appearance on the restaurant floor and they were offered a brief window of opportunity to leave unassisted. They always took it.

sheepworrier said...

Jaysus Conan, you musta worked in the hardest restaurant in town!
Getting the dish-monkeys out to threaten customers?! Sheesh!

Manuel said...

Conan Drumm: Been there, had one a few weeks ago, not in the restaurant but in the bar. Chefs got bored waiting for something to happen and all went for a smoke. Then the chap kicked off leaving the manager on his own...V funny. Clearly I stay out of the way of such events....

Manuel said...

Sheepo: Some punters just need to go sometimes.....

Conan Drumm said...

Yup, they've got hands they can't keep to themselves or they make a steady stream of totally and clearly unreasonable complaints (with a view to having their bill greatly reduced) so you throw them out before it gets to the 3rd course. Other punters usually approve because they ruin the night for everyone.

sheepworrier said...

ive worked in enough bars where no shit is taken, but never seen it bein done in a restaurant before - usually the embarrasment of being asked to leave infront of ladyfriend/mates is enough - an ive worked in a good few crappy restaurants.

what sorta wanker wuld wanna start a fight in a friggin restaurant anyway?

Manuel said...

Doesn't need to be a fight. In fact the tolerance for arsing about is lower in a restaurant meaning that you can get chucked for stuff that wouldn't be a problem in a bar. It doesn't happen very often, most people usually save the arsing about for later in the night. Plus mangers are wimps.....hehehehehe

Old Knudsen said...

so white collar workers and those in the service industry are twats, I suspected as much. I like eating out, I can be rude to strangers (always good) and make a mess that I wouldn't make at home.

Manuel said...

Old K: It's not just white collar workers, my hate is classless....

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,