Waiter cannot live on baps alone...(and roundtable)

I'm pooped

I'm knackered

Busted even

I'd like a little sleep

I'd like a whole lot of sleep....

....and food, really nice food.

It's ironic really considering that I work in a restaurant but I've been living off Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and Belfast baps for about a week now.

But my eight night stretch is finally over.

So now I'm gonna eat, maybe in alphabetical order, A is for a Ribeye, B is for Bloody Ribeye, C is for Crunchy Nut Cornflakes whilst I'm waiting for the ribeye to cook.....

Well you see were I'm going with thisit's a bit over cooked
but mmmmmmmmmm

I intend to eat and sleep like a three month old child, that's to say eat then sleep for about four hours then eat and so on. I'm gonna do that for about, well, um, about 24 hours.
Amuse yourselves....

Here's week 18 of the Roundtable

Raging Server has been on the night shift express as well. Ah he's just so happy about life isn't he? Waiters get your little knives and meet me round the back, El Vermino Boulevard has been robbed, lets kick ass. Or maybe just scare them a bit! Clusterfucked is my new favourite word and I intend to use it at least 50 times over the next 24 hours. Where did I get it? Over at Missies. Quality. Now for something a little more civilised, Restaurant Gal. Or maybe not. She is, the punters aren't. Well we knew that didn't we? Didn't we? Waiter has been evoking not only waiter karma but the taxman karma too. Oh that's gotta hurt......

Is the beef local? Are the vegetables in season? Is the wine from Europe? Is the fish fresh? Shut the fuck up and eat. Ah don't ya just love Upset Waitress?! Tony at Dine in or Take out is reinventing himself or something. Must have something to hide. And then there is me, I'm a whinging so and so. But what would you do when kids are stealing your cash, Swiss people are mocking your accent and the robots are trying to take your job? Fuck em, that's what but even when you think things cant get any stranger some muppet books their Christmas party.

If anybody needs me I'll be sleeping beside the fridge.......

I didn't wash today, I may not wash tomorrow either

The greatest thing, well one of the great things, with being off this week is that I don't have to shave, wash, or in any way have to give a hairy monkeys bottom about how I look or even smell.

Ah the freedom!

I need not worry about the sock police, the fingernail inspectors, or any of the
comandantes of (personal) cleanliness.

Instead I get to sit here in my own filth with a beard like Gandalf and watch my fingers turn a lovely golden brown. It's very satisfying.

I only changed my shirt today because I got a whole load of last nights dinner down it. But I'm wearing this one tomorrow and maybe the day after too.

I did an interview for the BBC today, for their food magazine OLIVE. I didn't wash my face, I didn't brush my teeth, hell I didn't even get dressed. Thankfully for the good people at the BBC it was over the phone. My little feature thingy will be in June's edition, I'll probably remind you when it comes out.

If I remember. (Pfft you'll be getting commemorative badges done no doubt-LMM)

I was also contacted about doing a radio interview yesterday for the BBC. But I'm not so sure. The overlords pass the time of day with the radio on. They wouldn't take kindly to me airing my opinions over the airwaves. But still nice to be asked. I haven't said no, I'm ruminating (whilst stroking my beard)

*********

I haven't served a table in anger since last Thursday, thankfully this lot have been busy, this weeks Blog Carnival, THE ROUNDTABLE....

1. Raging Server - No?
   
2. Upset Waitress - Spitball
   
3. Dine in or Take Out - Educate
4. Bitter Waitress - Hostess
   
5. Red Lobster Blog - Math(s)
   
6. I Serve Idiots - Idiot (but bwahahahahaha)
7. At Least Call Me Miss - Shirley
8. El Vermino Boulevard - Popped
9. Restaurant Gal - Funday
10. Well Done Fillet - Leunam

*******

And one more link, from Elemental Soup "An orange affair"

I am waiter, hear me roar!

I'm not the only waiter in the world, despite what I may have you believe. And lots of them have blogs, here are the best of them from this weeks

Service Related Blog Carnival,
the Roundtable...
no arsed bastard....

Where to start.....Ryan from I Serve Idiots has been blogging on and off for quite a while now and has joined our happy little blog carnival. To Ryan and Idiot is an idiot, black, white, redneck or whatever. Now why cant everybody be so open minded.

Sometime waiter and full time crazy, Upset Waitress, is never one to let a good double entendre get in the way of a good read. She has been having wiener trouble, little wieners.

Customers are odd creatures, seriously they say the oddest things. Just ask Tony about his Creme brulee man.

At Least Call Me "Miss" has turned all wise and even though this is the shortest post ever, it is the most accurate.

Over at El Vermino Boulevard they have been watch some "classic" movies. Crikey....is Cat Ballou a classic? I dunno!

People never believe me when I tell them that St. Valentines day is a waste of time for waiters. Ask Lobster boy if you still don't believe me.

Ireland's own Queenie has been dealing with dogs and guests. Ha she deserves it! Only joking! Hehehehehe

The world's angriest server, Ribeye, has a new manager to contend with. Let me tell you I feel his pain. Honestly they always need broken, like horses. Maybe Ribeye can be like a horse whisperer but for new managers.....maybe!

As for me?

Fuck it you have read all my whinging haven't you?

But I was sent this by Mr DNA

from boingboing

Viva la Waiters!

Viva La Manuel!

....goes together like a horse and carriage.

Charles Bronson
goes well with everything

Some things just go together, they compliment each other. In some cases they would be nothing if the other wasn't there. I'm looking at you Mr Garfunkel. Would Harold really have so much fun without Maude? Would you really eat chips without ketchup? Would The Beatles have hit the top without Yoko? Okay bad example but you get the point.

Some things just don't work together. Come on lets be honest neither Paul McCartney or Michael Jackson really came out of the whole "Say Say Say" abomination very well. On paper it looked like a good idea, one was the Prince/Peter Pan of pop the other was in the one of the biggest and most successful bands of all time. But when they were put together we didn't get a tune that united the worlds waring factions or even that just took the pain away of our daily drudgery. No, we got shite instead of gold.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea.....

Oh yeah, that's what it was.....fusion or the stuffing together of one cultures food with that of another. Some times it works, sometimes it doesn't. Tex-Mex works. Anglo French also works. You don't see many Austro-Mex restaurants and thankfully the high street is still free of a Vietnamese-Swedish eaterie. Oh the horror. It seems obvious what foods compliment each other, and it follows that it's fairly obvious what foods don't work well together.

So why oh why oh why would you go to a restaurant and order a stir fry dish with a portion of champ on the side AND (it doesn't end there) a portion of chilli sauce to go with it?

Why?

Why would you do that?

Why would you do that when the waiter has advised against it? The sharp intake of air that I took could not have been taken as a positive sign. When I said "Yeah....but maybe just a portion of fries." And when you still insisted on ordering the champ I explained that mashed potatoes and noodles don't really go together you replied, "Yeah but I'm strange like that."

Strange? You're not strange, you're a wab. You are a sweaty cheese crusted wab at that. But it wasn't ordering champ and noodles that makes you the wab you are, it was the complaining about it after that makes you the wab. Wab.

Champ good. Noodles good. Champ and noodles together very very bad....

It's times like this when I need a drink and something nice to eat. But can I be arsed to cook and fix myself a drink? No, no I can't. Thankfully other people have solved this food or drink conundrum.....

The Bourbon and Blood

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Charles Bronson. Bourbon on the rocks with a lightly seared piece of seasoned fillet steak. Beautiful......There should be more meat in cocktails. If you want more click...

You can just see how that beauty was created. It was probably late night in a kitchen somewhere, hungry and drunk maybe stoned too. "Hey hey guys....you gotta try this man....meat and booze....yeah!! Just pause Death Wish and try it."

In other news Dennis is hosting this weeks RoundTable.....amusing as always.

The Carnival of very certain Bitterness...

I was sure that blogging in December was going to be tough but beat me with a turkey leg and stuff me with cranberries did I think it was going to be this hard. I am getting too old for this malarkey. I'm starting to think I have maybe a year or two left in it and then I shall have to cut it down a bit, maybe a management role would be nice. Hey I can drink coffee and sit in the office just as well as any college graduate. In many respects I am like a professional footballer, beat out at 35 and looking for a role upstairs.

The weekend was another toughie. And as my mind has been turned to a spongy mush akin to cows in the late 1990's you will have to wait for another wee while for the precise details. But here are a few highlights to keep you damp until I can get it together.....

1. I had a woman tell me that whilst she thought the food was fantastic (the best Christmas meal she had enjoyed in years) and that my service was beyond compare (she even kissed me on the cheek) she believed that £30.00 was far too much to tip anyone and she wouldn't be paying it. She left 5%. I evoked the gods of karma. She had better be in hospital by now....
   
2. There was a "celebrity" table booked, well being that it is Belfast celebrity may be pushing it a bit, that caused a minor security scare and left me feeling let down and bitter. Who could it have been? What could they have done? And why did Manuel feel cheated? I did chuckle to myself when they had gone........all will be revealed tomorrow (ish). There's a Well Done Fillet badge if you can name the errant "celebrity"
   
3. Ever wondered what it's like in Basra? Just pop your head into a kitchen on Black Friday. Hell hath no fury like a head chef who has to make something twice.
4. Oh there's more, so much more. Well maybe no "so much" more, but there is more. Soon.

I was hardly online at all over the last few days. But I did manage to fulfill my RoundTable duties....

There is a youngling amongst us....a newbie....a new ray of light onto the world of hospitality. The Queen of Clean blogs at Feather or Foam and she's from Cork. So it's a bloody good job it's not a podcast then as we wouldn't understand a word she was saying. Here's a charming little story about Japanese tourists and their crazy ways. Welcome Queenie, pour us a drink and stay for a while. Will Work For Tips has been a lazy little blog waiter but did give us this reason why, "Yes, No, Good, Bad, Up, Down, High, Low - Why Restaurants Make Me Manic-Depressive." I feel your pain. Why write 500 words to say that you are pissed off when 42 will do just nicely. I give you Half Server Half Amazing' Letter to Erika Martinez. Ali at El Vermino Boulevard had a sweet day and is happy with life. Ha! Watch that go sour. Why am I so cynical yet still so devilishly handsome? At Least Call Me Miss swears more than me, the fucker. I love this story. Tony Dine at Dine in or take Out has his take on tipping. Don't we all. I find his hard to disagree with. Ribeye from Raging Server definitely wins title of the week for "The Jerry Springer Invite and the Crackhead Brigade." My "hit" of the week was about The Princess falling flat on her face trying to copy my act. Get your own shtick sister. But the best story of the week comes from the irrepressible Dennis at Don't Tip The Waiter. Try this one for size, "Next shift after work party extremely uncomfortable." Bloody genius. Saying that if you haven't read this one you really should.....I'm not sure if we are doing post of the week, but Dennis gets my vote, only cause I cant vote for myself.......


Get em read folks........

I'm writing this post on my new I Mac. God bless the dining public and God bless service charges. Three cheers for service charges.......what d'ya mean you don't like em.....mwahahahah

What's in a name?

does this make me a knight?
sir moans-a-lot....

Waiters eh, if we aren't spilling soup on you or forgetting to tell the chef that you are allergic to nuts we are writing about you. The internet is chock full of waiter and service industry related blogs. Some are just fucking awful I mean really really turgid whiny stuff, "...and they only left me $45.00 and my feet hurt and the chef swore at me..." and so on. Grow a set and get the fuck over yourself. But for every insecure, whiny tray jockey there are lots of great waiter blogs out there.

Ribeye from Raging Server has set up a weekly blog carnival feature called The Roundtable. It's aim is to highlight the best stories from the food & drink service related blogs out there. Raging Server is hosting the RoundTable this week with it switching to WellDoneFillet next week. So if you come across any great server related blog stories send them my way. I'll be posting the next set of stories on Sunday night/ Monday morning. There is a link at the top of the page to all the RoundTable posts so have a look and maybe you'll find some more blogs that interest you. And more importantly maybe you'll learn to love the waiters in your life a little more. Maybe you'll learn to treat them a little nicer. Hey maybe you'll learn to tip better, and that's what I'm really all about. I'm the Bob Geldof of the waiting wold, "Gimme your fucking money..."

Oh and whilst we are at it, as you all know my blog is called Well Done Fillet......that's well done FILLET, pronounced FIL-LET not FIL-LAY. Now I know this will be difficult for you Americans out there but you really must try. Over here we pronounce it FIL-LET and you pronounce it FIL-LAY, but when you are in my house you will use the former. And another thing the superbly ugly fish Turbot is pronounced TUR-BIT not TUR-BO. Stop it, it really annoys me. Good grief even the French pronounce it TUR-BIT. Don't even get me started on risotto (it's OT-TO not OH-TO). And one final thing for my Spanish speaking friends, stop sending me emails in Spanish asking me if I come from Spain/Mexico/Puerto Rico. I'm not. I'm from Belfast, we don't even have a decent Mexican restaurant anymore. For those of you who don't know I took my name Manuel from the much put upon waiter Manuel from the BBC TV show Fawlty Towers. In reality I am much more like Basil.

I hope that clears a few things up........

Oh and help make Gimme's Christmas dream come true and get Tom Waits to number 1.....do it!