Monday, 31 March 2008

I have to consider this as failure

I know it's rude not to thank someone when they compliment you. I know it's out of order to begrudge someone's kind words. It's more than rude, it's so much more than out of order it's childish, spoilt, and down right arrogant.

But....

....but what if it was the Daily Mail?

"fun and games in a restaurant?"
not where I work matey


I was very rudely awoken from my slumber on Sunday morning by my mobile phone. "Someone better be dead" I thought as I reached for it. Who the hell would be phoning me at the ungodly hour of......11.15am?! It was my sister with the very exciting news that WellDoneFillet was blog of the week in The Mail on Sunday. Let me tell you that woke me right up.

"Say that again, The Mail on Sunday?"

"Yup"

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah you're popular with the Women's Institute and Volvo owners all over England." She could hardly contain her laughter.

"Piss off"

I got dressed and wondered how I could get a copy of "The Mail on Sunday" without actually having to buy it. Maybe I could hang around the shop and wait for some kids to go in.

"Here mate get us a copy of the TMoS would ya? Ah go on mister will ya?"

But there were no kids. Maybe I could buy some porn magazines and slip a copy of TMoS in between them. Buying porn has to be less embarrassing than buying TMoS doesn't it? But I couldn't do that either. So I just braved it. I could see the distain in the shopkeepers eyes. It was a dark day.

If you haven't guessed already I'm not a fan of The Daily Mail. It's right wing and I'm not. I'm hella not. I've slagged them off on more than a few occasions on here. Do I not swear enough? Is my distain for the middles classes not obvious? Is my liberal thinking not coming through loudly enough?

This is the equivalent, for me, of Medbh being person of the week in Playboy or Old Knudsen being blogger of the week in The Catholic Herald. Man this has me bummed! It feels like failure.

This cant be allowed to happen again. So with that in mind this blog now officially hates/supports all the the things The Daily Mail campaigns for/against. Things such as....

Immigration, the more illegal it is the better. I say open the borders and embrace "Johnny Foreigner." I want a Polish shop on the end of every street
Taxes, the higher and more the ridiculous the better especially on cars. And the sneakier and more stealth like the better too.
The Labour Party, even if they are the Tories in cheaper suits
Binge drinking, the younger and drunker they are the better
Hoodies, hug them? I say give them free money for binge drinking and drugs
Drugs, for everybody all the time
Political correctness, more of it and on the spot fines for not being politically correct
Marriage, anybody can marry anybody or anything they want. You wanna marry your car? I say go for it.
George Galloway. I cant be bothered with him but The Daily Mail really doesn't like him so I'm for him now.
Islam, I say teach it in schools to everybody until they are 18.
Nudity, more nudity on television before the watershed. Actually do away with the watershed.
The Monarchy, off with their heads!
Prisons, should be easier and each cell should have a double bed and a Playstation. Terms should be shorter, weeks not years. And they should be given a £1000 when they leave.

That'll be doing to go on with.......

Oh and thanks to whoever selected me for blog of the week, I am chuffed but conflicted all the same......

but not for the picture, pfft......

37 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Nick said...

Yes, great manifesto. Not starting a political party are you Manuel? Sort of like the Monster Raving Loony Party (most of whose ideas are now thoroughly mainstream)? A write-up in the dreadful Daily Mail is definitely a bummer. My commiserations.

Manuel said...

nick: what will my father say!? Oh the shame......I'm glad my grandfather isn't around any more......this would have been too much for him...

ellie said...

Ermmm congratulations . . I think. There is no such thing as bad publicity.
The picture is hilarious though, just how I imagine you.

Medbh said...

AHAHAHAHAHA!
Brilliant, Manuel.
The idea that all media attention is a boon is bullshit.
Soon you'll be flooded with cheap conservatives in your comments section.

And I would sooner have Hef's head on a platter than his praise.

Green Ink said...

I cannot wait to see the comments you get from this. Do Mail on Sunday readers know what a blog is? Will they just bark your URL at the kids, hoping it'll somehow appear on the television?

Button Ginger said...

Sorry, Manuel.

I read the MoS and for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. It's an addiction - I've just got to stop.

I only heard about you through the MoS and while the picture is fairly stupid, I have to agree with them. You're great and I've listed you on my blog roll so that I can read you regular, like.

It's like PT Barnum said "There's no such thing as bad publicity!"

Niall said...

recognition is recognition, the bullshit image would piss me off more than anything. Fuckin' unimaginative bastards. Thats all that is. You have became a cog in the machine that is The daily mails attempt to become the savvy and much more new media friendly guardian. This will not happen. EVER.

Well done all the same. Fair play. They know you exist

savannah said...

i really like that saying all y'all use "fair play" to you...i'm guessing being in that rag is like being in usa today. but wtf, like anything else, those who like what you say will stay, those who don't will read as far as they can, leave a nasty remark and/or hit home and never darken your page again...no skin off your nose, sugar! ;-)

you know tha old saying: fuck'em if they can't take a joke! xoxxo

Angela-la-la said...

Ah, bummer. You've sold out, man.

Big bummer.

Also... bwahahaha.

bendersbetterbrother said...

The green hat and shamrock, they must have had the creative department working overtime to come up with that.
Still, a mention's a mention.

bendersbetterbrother said...

Must remember to read comments next time before I post. Looks like I just regurgitated Niall's.
A Daily Mail reader wouldn't notice but the rest might.

MJ said...

You're wearing my tights, ya perv!

Old Knudsen said...

No but seriously lad did I get the blogger of the week in the catholic herald? was it my 'The pope engages in necrophilia every time he wanks but its not a sin cos he eats his own jizz'post? as for yer
The Monarchy, off with their heads! remark its off to the wankers gallery for you, you've gone too far this time. I heard you love a bit of daily male in the back entrance of the pancake hoose.

Anonymous Boxer said...

can you sue them? for money?

the picture is super creepy.

daisyfae said...

curious what affect, if any, you'll see in the blog stats...

kinda like being told "i likes you a bunch" by a serial killer, isn't it?

Primal Sneeze said...

Bloody stalkers them lot.

dave said...

Mha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Congratulations.

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!

fatmammycat said...

I bet you feel really dirty right now...

Manuel said...

ellie: you read the mail don't you? .......sorry......eek....

medbh: NEVER!

Green inky: Oh they know....that's how they are able to flood the BBC with complaints about things that don't matter....

button ginger: you need help.......join my special programme for just £500 per month and let me ween you off the daily mail. You'll be a guardianista within weeks.....

niall: I know I exist.....that's is enough....

savannah: very well put......fuck em!

angela-la-la: that just hurts....

bbb: it's just typical from the paper that said"BAN THE IRISH"

mj: not for the first time I should add......but never on my legs....

old k: bwahahahahaha.....you wish.....what? eh?

boxer: nah......

daisyfae: oh it;s all going crazy round here today......

sneezy: nothing worse....

dave: bitch

fmc: yes I do......and I normally like to feel dirty but not today.....

Sharon said...

Oh man you're going to hit the big time now!

But you know what, well bloody done.
Even if their image is shite personified.

Crispy said...

Would it have been better if I had never told you....oh the guilt...who'd have known....hahahahahahaha! Have the Irish News not heard of you yet!!????

Manuel said...

sharon: money.....it's what I want.......money..

crispy: Irish News? "Manuel (48) from the blog WellDoneSausages......etc" not known for their accuracy........

livesbythewoods said...

So, is that shapeless brown thing a potato?

Or the MoS' artistic interpretation of an underage, knife-carrying, car-stealing, dog-kicking illegal immigrant about to go on a drug-addled killing spree? It's dire.

But well done for being someone they can relate to.

Heh.

Manuel said...

lbtw: oh that just hurts......and it's a fillet steak......apparently.....

Ed said...

immense- you're the Crème de la Crème, even if you have a little egg on your face.

At least you've now got an award to make up for the IBA!

Rosie said...

ha.

they once called me looking to do a feature on me because i'm so young and lovely and have such a cool job. offered to do my hair and wardrobe for the photoshoot, the whole shebang.

i told them to fuck off.

i was never quite sure whether i should have or not.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

It's like having a dirty dream about a hot and generous lover whose face you can't see, discovering at the end it's Michael Heseltine and then waking up screaming in a cold sweat.

The hell is that picture about? God, I hate that troglodyte rag.

Anonymous said...

Manuel, sod it, we still love you, just, even though (association is everything - Marx) Seriously though, I need 5 pubs around Belfast to take an Aus cousin to - much, much, much appreciate any recommendations (ok, got crown) after that see you for some salt n chilli and an over priced Musar (check out Sainsburys (14.99)!!) Roger (with love!)

Manuel said...

ed: thanks......but it's like winning a shit....

rosie: good work.....well done you

sam: nice image....aaaarrgghhh

anonymous: email me......and I'll send you all you need to know.....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Manuel, You. Love. It.

All this complaining is false modesty.

Bring on the moron comment posters though that'll be fun. Oh, wait...

Manuel said...

muddy: oh how you see through me......

lorraine@italianfoodies said...

hey who cares - congrats:)

Ruth Elkin said...

Just read this and thought of you.... http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/zoe_margolis/2008/05/fight_for_your_writes.html

Manuel said...

Ruth: Welcome and thanks for that! great article.....now who do I see for my £200?

Ruth Elkin said...

I'd bug anybody and everybody at MoS... you never know you could end up getting money from several people for it ;o)

DAVE BONES said...

I am voting for you. More drugs and nudity especially. And those moving adverts on the tube should show porn films.

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