Thursday, 9 April 2009

When your words come back to haunt you......

So there I was waffling on about how accidents happen and about people need to be less litigious and how much nicer the world would be if we all just treated accidents as being just that. Eh? Remember how I was galloping about on my high horse looking down on the little people with their mouths open who demand financial recompense and handjobs for even the most minor of mistakes, boo-boos, and gaffes? Well that came back to bite me on the ass with no small amount of gusto.

Which was disappointing.

see how my own words cam back to haunt me...

I was down dealing with with my "surprise" table of thirty three Canadians, lovely people, when from the corner of my eye I could see the manager dealing with my other table of twenty European business people here on business (but they wouldn't tell me what this business was despite my many attempts to gouge it from them). You don't want/need a manger at your table at the best of times but even less so when it's check time. I made a dash, as much as any fat lad can dash, back to the bar to wrestle control of the situation from the manager.

"And Manuel will take that for you", says the manager and hands me the credit card machine.

I performed all the usual post meal niceties and checks. When the waiter asks you if you loved everything when you are paying the bill it is mainly to remind you that the service was top bloody notch and seeing as you have your wallet open and all that ahem cough-cough. But I wasn't really worried as it was a table of twenty so they would be liable to incur a service charge of 10%. Their bill was £671.00 at the last count, nice. God bless expense accounts and the associated gold cards that come with.

The woman paying the bill handed me her American Express card. We don't take Amex cards, who the hell does in this town? I made my usual little joke, "Ah sorry madam we don't take Amex.....Visa, Mastercard, Valentines, Christmas, Mother' Day cards are all good but no Amex." She chortled, politely, and called me a "character". I was hoping she meant somebody smooth and lovely but she was probably thinking more of Groucho Marx's cynical and sarcastic, Rufus T Firefly. Meh.

She reached into her wallet, purse, filofax thingy-ma-jig and produced another card. If you wanna know where all the credit has gone I suggest you take a peek in this woman's bag, she had more cards than Christmas. Seriously. Anyhoo she handed me her card and I slotted it into the machine but as I hadn't printed the bill I wasn't quite sure of the final total so I asked her to hand me her copy. Which she duly did.

I scanned the bill once, got the total and keyed it into the credit card doofer. I checked the bill again and realised that there had been no service charge added. At first my heart sank and then started racing as I wondered just how I would stab to death the manager, in a manic frenzy or slowly thus making the pain last longer. Now normally I fill the minute or two that it takes to process the credit card payment with inane but jovial banter. I did not fill the processing minutes with inane or jovial banter this time. No I just stood there seething and shaking with rage.

£67 for fuck sake! That's like a hundred of your US dollars, seventy four of your funny Euros and like 4000 of your Canadian dollars. Rage!

Sixty fucking seven quid, lost and gone. No hope of recovery. I said goodbye to the business people who were here on business and then turned to immerse myself in the task of clearing their shit up. It wouldn't have been shit if I had got my sixty frigging quid but I had been stiffed because the manager had forgot to put the service charge on the god damned bill, so it was shit. I muttered my plan of attack as I cleared the table. I was thinking that I would start by playing it cool, disappointed but mature and then crank it up to an almighty ruckus, maybe a brouhaha, but probably just a ruckus, it would really depend on his reaction.

But then my words came flashing back,
"There appears to be no such thing as an accident or genuine mistake anymore. Well actually there are plenty of accidents and genuine mistakes, it's just the reaction to them that has changed. It's all, "Woe is me"...."
Sake. So I just sucked in my cheeks and chalked it up. Plus the manager that omitted to put the service charge on the bill is actually the nicest person in the world, true story. Shouting at him would have been like shouting at the Andrex Puppy.

I really hate growing up and being mature about things. I'd much rather mess myself. Actually I'd much rather have the sixty quid. If I'm really being honest I'd rather have the sixty quied and mess myself......

38 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

Gutted for you. Just gutted.

Manuel said...

ellie: I was seething ellie..but became rather sanguine about it rather quickly...which was odd

ninetyninewords said...

Something just happened there, in that minute of contemplation. Yep. Old age, that's what.

Did you whistle a merry tune on the way home whilst thinking whether to wear the warm slippers or the really warm slippers when you got there and then use the boiled kettle from your cocoa to fill a hot water bottle?

Bet you wished you'd shouted now.

Manuel said...

99 words: that's a horrible thing to say.....old? old my hole.....I know what an arctic monkey is and everything....they're still hip with the kids right?

ninetyninewords said...

You're wearing the really warm slippers, I can tell.

Arctic Monkeys, yes. It's all to do with that global warming. I've my finger on the pulse too.

A question. When you get old do you have to stop using Twitter and switch to Natter?

Manuel said...

99 words: well either natter or the telegraph's letters page...

Medbh said...

Wait. They didn't leave a tip?
Did they not notice it hadn't been added?

BelfastBarista said...

Got any of those super unbreakable ramikins? Always good to take out to the storage yard and bounce them off the walls really hard when seriously fecked ahff (or stiffed on tips, which is usually one and the same to us hopitality-types).
I actually managed to break one once, was seriously proud. But watch out, those lil' buggers can bounce.

How the hell you managed to remain so calm and collected I'll never know...

wendy said...

OH yeah! I'm with BB.. Chunk some of those ramekins just to watch 'em fly! Plus if they've got a bit of leftover sauce in them makes for quite a show.

MJ said...

*embarrassed to be a Canadian*

*even more embarrassed than when Celine Dion was let loose on the world*

*slinks away*

MJ said...

*slinks back in to tell you that you are going to kick yourself SO hard in the arse when you read my April 9 post*

sassysundry said...

Wait a minute... they didn't tip at all? This business person couldn't tell that no tip had been given? What kind of business is this?

I'm glad you're being mature about this, but my fucking god. What a bunch of cheapies.

Karma's going to find them.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Europeans may not have noticed no tip was added as they are used to it being included in the final amount.But you should see where I work as we cannot add anything on so some people may get a party and get zero tip. Can you believe it! We are not allowed to add a service charge. It is like when you get a party it is a crapshoot.

Sharon said...

But they will have seen that there was no service charge added to the bill for themselves, the bill would have been lower than they were expecting.

And are tips really included in the bill in other European countries? If so, I was very generous in France recently.

PRyin said...

Am I missing something?

Would it have been totally out of order to "*ahem*...actually *finger point* we seem to have... er... eh... um... [mumbled] service charge?"

They can punch it on the machine there and then, no?

Regardless, feel sorry for you buddy. It'll come back for you. What goes around ...or something...

Anonymous said...

i thought on them pin thingymajigs it has an option button for the customer to press service charge.

if you dont have one on there get it installed!

its sort of the last chance saloon!

English Mum said...

Oh nooooo... that's so bad. But you kept your temper and didn't club him to death with a candlestick. Good Manuel.

Manuel said...

medbh: they didn't even look at the bill.....they would have assumed it was on there already...

belfast barista: welcome! I never got a chance to welcome you last week......If you know me, and I think you do, then you will know that I am a calm person and not quick to anger..........ha!

wendy: no no the Canadians were sweet....drunk, but sweet.....

mj: oh my....

Old Knudsen said...

Yes it is more important on how you react to things that make the man.

I shall react by calling you a Hob knocking loser blurt!

You aren't even man enough to shout at a puppy that steals yer shite wipe.
Ah isn't it so fucking cute, bog roll all through the house AGAIN!

MJ rub it in, hahahaha!

Manuel said...

sassy: they assumed it was on the bill...it normally would have been.....meh

steve: funny thin is steve the person that was handling the bill was from here.....

sharon: they were pretty drunk by the time they left......that bill could have had pictures of puppies on it and they wouldn't have known....I'm not so sure about that to be honest.....when I was in Paris I found that service wasn't added anywhere....

PRyin: not once the bill has been presented...it's very bad form.....

anon: again we don't use it.....it;s tantamount to begging.....I have issues with it.....

english mum: thanks mum! I really am almost all grown up.....but today is a new day.....! ha!

Manuel said...

old k: hahahahahaha I've seen your fotee and find it hard to take you seriously anymore.......you are dead to me now.....

Sharon said...

Phew, being a total tight wad, I wouldn't want to have created a false impression.

(I see you've added word verification, anything to do with flippin spammers?)

Manuel said...

sharon: 623 spam comments over night last Tuesday/Wednesday...It was frightful!

Manuel said...

sharon: oh and what did you have in Senderens? did anybody have the milk fed spanish lamb? did you bring any back for me? nom nom nom

Sharon said...

I had just over 100 myself. B'stards.
I'm moderating comments for the 1st time ever.

Manuel said...

sharon: I really really hate having to do it......seems like a lot of people got stung last week.....

Manuel said...

reet of to work......have a lovely day people.....!

Sharon said...

Mnauel, I feel worried to admit to it in case I get stones by animal lovers; I had roasted shoulder of veal. A hulking big lump it was, but sweetly pink and delicate and delicious too. The man had Raviole de Homard, also fabulous.
Sorry, no doggy bags were allowed.
(I bet dogs were though, they sure do love their wee dogs there.)

Anonymous said...

Im just a little curious. You said that you should have received 10%. Anytime a service charge is added I personally make up the difference so shouldnt they have added an additional 10% to make up for the standard 20% that you should tip for great service??? Or is it different than in the US?

Conan Drumm said...

Ok, accidents happen, but what about les Canucks?

Sniffle said...

Sanguine, stoic too. Tough luck Manuel, sixty seven slobs. - B.O.L.L.I.X..

But........... you never mentioned anything in your last post about hand jobs, I know this cause, well, I look out for that stuff and you just kind of slipped it in here( heh). I’ll go away now... , to the park

Michelle said...

Hmmmm, I would have told the very nice manager about the "mistake". Did you really absolutely let it go???

Old Knudsen said...

You will take me seriously or I shall create a device to destroy tipping all over the world.

And remember I have seen yer face, no wait that that was yer arse, the smile and hairs made me think you had a beard.

I wonder if they tipped at the soup kitchens during the great depression?

Stephan said...

Ouch! But good for you for being so mature about it. Personally, even if I'd reminded myself it was an honest mistake, I probably would have pitched a major hissy and then felt bad about doing so on top of everything!

savannah said...

(hey ellie! xoxox)


sugar, glad y'all let it go and didn't stew. better days ahead, darlin, better days ahead! xoxox

Native Minnow said...

Ugh. That sucks. Why do managers always have to screw everything up? Why?

Food Service Ninja said...

Canadians sadly are know to follow the Euro tipping style of STIFFING. I predict Manual you will get angered comments on this but my own RL friends who were America living ex-pats needed schooling upon arrive on my shores about tipping. And thats been my experience as a server.

But I think you missed the point-your boss printed your check-house policy is a service charge gets added. Thus the manager didnt do his job-what happens when you fail to follow house policy- you get bitched at, written up , and/or fired.

Personally I feel he owes you 67 quid in currency or DOUBLE that in house comps on food/drink.

I bet you a months tips if you collected 67 quid too little the house would be freaking out.

aoife mc said...

Egad! Curses! Good for you for sucking it up. Quality loldog pic too.