Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Christmas is coming and the waiter is getting fat (well he is off the smokes)


Christmas is coming. This startling and most fear inducing of facts only really dawned on me the other night as I was about to roll over to sleep. I mean I knew it was coming but I guess I had blocked it out in the same way we block out thoughts of our own mortality. Yes the two are the same. I was all snug and warm and had the duvet right up to my chin and had tucked the rest of the duvet under my generous bulk. I'm not saying I was aiming for the caterpillar cocoon type thing but that's the way it ended up. Well it was until I realised that the season of the Crier, the Mentalist and the Drunk was fast approaching.

I spent the next few hours breathing into a brown paper bag. There is nothing I can do to halt the oncoming cavalcade of christmas chaos. There is nothing I can do but re-post last years guides to surviving The Office Party......

20 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Medbh said...

How are your bookings, Manuel?
I was reading that lots of firms were skipping the xmas parties due to the economic downturn.
You must not have that concern if you're expecting the usual shower of characters.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Christmas is coming too fast.I am working at my place for the first time during Christmas so I don't know what to expect money wise. I know it will be less than last year but at least I will have a life in December for a change. It will be busy though just not 70 hours a week.

Blondefabulous said...

I remember the holidays. I remember drunk asses trying to hit on me. I remember frazzled mothers treating me like crap after watching their hell spawn sit on Santa's lap. I remember people thinking it was OK to stiff me because they spent their last dime on the gifts for their Aunt Miffy.

Bah....Humbug!

Silverstar said...

I think maybe I'm glad I'm retired and don't have to put up with this crap from either side of the table.

A.B. said...

Interesting question from Medbh - I was thinking a similar thing.

Last year we gave our employees gift cards to local restaurants in lieu of a Holiday Party - we told them we'd assumed they'd prefer a nice dinner with someone close to them, rather than an evening of awkwardness with us.

Everyone agreed. Everyone happy.

Simon said...

I hate, I hate, I hate Christmas parties. The forced socialisation. The insincere compliments. The too-loud laughter. The cheap ass wine and the luke warm food. I avoid them like the plague, and when asked "why aren't you going?" I am honest and say I can't stand the lot of you - but for some reason they laugh and think I am being funny.
Goodness don't I sound bitter.

Red hair, Red face said...

how do you think you'll do over the festive period? (smokes wise??) Yes all my comments usually revert back to cigarettes, its cause I dont smoke during work and I'm generally gasping for one come 6 o'clock.....

carine said...

I'm with Simon - I hate them. You poor thing, it's bad enough that we have to put up with one of them, never mind dozens.

Don't. Revert. To. Smoking.

x

harried_dad said...

I am sure you will manage this Xmas with your usual flair and panache. I heard a vicious rumour that a waiter used their camera phone to take a picture of a particularly annoying couple. A month later porn-a-likes of the couple were being distributed via email. The guy who told me this is not the sharpest spoon in the drawer so I am tempted to say it is a myth, but it would certainly make next years Xmas party invite a bit more interesting.

Ellie said...

you know there are two black fridays this year? 12th and 19th. Oh the nightmare ahead.

sheepworrier said...

I wouldn't normally socialise with the ones in work, but I just can't pass-up a free dinner at Deans.

Smile, nod, eat, drink, leave.

Conan Drumm said...

Sounds like Belfast is partying on.

MikeTheWaiterDotCom said...

Well, the good side is that with the sluggish econmy, at least we'll make a few extra bucks ... even if it's the HARD WAY!

savannah said...

these are the days i am soooooo glad i work for the MITM, sugar! i LIKE his holiday parties! ;) xoxoxo

(congrats on sticking to the no smoking, sugar. i KNOW it isn't easy, but you're doing fine!)

Kelly said...

Ah Manuel, my least favorite time of the year. The time of year when everybody is trying to get a free meal. I bloody hate Christmas. The steak is too well done, it's not done enough, someones peas are touching their potatoes and it goes on and on and on. I get on well with my head waiter though so we usually can at least have a laugh. The best ever was two years ago when my cream soup was too creamy. He could barely get it out he was laughing so hard, poor man.

Manuel said...

I've been to grumpy and consumed with not smoking to comment today.......I'm more tense and grouchy than you can possibly imagine.....

raptureponies said...

I've never been to an office Christmas party. The one this year is overnight in a hotel somewhere. On a scale of one to ten how terrified should I be?

daisyfae said...

Read the review articles - and am inspired to personify several of your infamous party poo peeps... Perhaps a combination of the Crier Mentalist, with a touch of Drunk Humper thrown in for good measure!

Manuel said...

medbh: we are down a wee bit but bookings are still coming in...

raptureponies: overnight?? jesus, that's scary....

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