Introducing Leunam

Two big sleeps to go!

Well the excitement is building ahead of Saturday's Irish Blog Awards.
I literally cannot contain myself although LMM says this is due to over eating and lack of regular exercise and little to do with the IBAs.

Pfft.

I think I have more concerns than hopes for the event, well for me more than the event itself. I haven't had a proper drink since Halloween, and that didn't end particularly well. And as I am off work for a week now I will probably let my, metaphorical, hair down.

Will I get drunk and fall down? The answer to that is of course yes, a very definite yes. But what collateral damage will be caused both on my way to the ground and as I drink my way through the contents of the bar? This thought alone has kept me awake for weeks now. I have visions of rubbing my hand down Mr Mulley's face telling him what a great guy he is. I worry that I'll run round the place playing a game of guess the blogger, which for a while will be fun but you will bore of it soon enough.

And then there is the issue of the mystique and aura of splendidness (arf! -LMM) that I have carefully crafted about myself. Let me assure/warn you that it wont last for long once the devils buttermilk starts flowing. No before long I will knocking your drinks over, ordering shots for everyone in the room, and telling you my life story.

Good grief why am I going?!

With all this in mind let me give you a few handy tips if you find yourself cornered by Leunam (backwards Manuel, my drunken alter ego) and ways to ensure that both you and I have a great/safe night.

1. Leunam is basically a friendly chap even with lots of beer/wine/whiskey in his system. But if you think he is going on a bit and doing your head in start a conversation about cars. Leunam knows nothing about cars and he will just wander off, probably whilst you are talking.
2. Leunam is a little deaf so he tends to shout. This is not aggression. When he says, "YES I'D LOVE A PINT" he is not implying that it is about time you bought one, he is just happy that you have. You should also direct all conversation to his RIGHT ear as the left one is banjaxed.
   
3. Much like a Gremlin, Leunam should not be given any liquids after 12am or he will sleep in and miss his train home and then you will be stuck with him for another night. You don't want that, he doesn't want that, the good people of Dublin don't want that.
4. Leunam is Manuel, he is not Twenty Major, Fat Mammy Cat, Grandad, or Old Knudsen despite what he will tell you. He will think it's funny to say that he is someone else but it's not and you shouldn't laugh at this "joke" it will only encourage him.
5. Leunam doesn't take drugs. Don't encourage him to do so, he is easily led and will do whatever the big kids are doing. The world isn't ready for a coked up Leunam.
   
6. If Leunam decides he wants to go for a kebab someone please go with him. He and LMM will reward you with cash for looking after him.
7. Leunam is no good in physical situations so don't rely on him for backup if it all kicks off after the Best Blog Post winner is announced.
   
8. Leunam is a sleeper when drunk. It is essentially a safety measure that kicks in to prevent him from causing any more damage. If you find him asleep please wake him and sent him back to his hotel. This information has been sewn into the lining of his jacket by LMM. In the event of him having lost his jacket please direct him to the nearest fireplace, his comfort zone.
9. Leunam is also a crier. This can be very hard to stop. LMM's number is in his mobile phone, call her she will know what to do.
10. Leunam is also a smoker so if you want to avoid him stay inside at all times. Also you may need to remind him of the smoking laws, he will "forget."

I apologise in advance........

(I will also pay cash for incriminating photos of myself)