2008, the year Manuel changed

pastures new?
no thanks

Ah January, another year begins and a young waiter's mind turns to thoughts of pastures new. And fair play to them. Not me though, I'm not a young waiter and my mind has trouble enough focusing on what's happening right now let alone pastures new. No I'm in a rut, work wise. A happy rut it has to be said. I know the flow of the place, I know my customers, I can judge the chef's mood and take action as appropriate, I know what I can make and I'm happy with all of it. And you can't put a price on happiness. Well actually you can, and it's about £200+ a week in tips....

Others have yet to find their happy rut, another waiter jacked it in on Sunday. Like I said before, damn the youth with their lofty ambitions. I'm not without ambition, I still want to be an astronaut or a rock star or 2 stone lighter. It's good to have a dream.

But every rut, no matter how happy you are with it, needs to be freshened up along the way. A rut that isn't freshened up will get stale and stinky. No one wants a stinky rut. With that in mind I have drawn up my New Years Resolutions to ensure my work rut doesn't .......

Work Resolutions

1. NO AUSTRALIANS. Sorry, and I mean no offence, but I've had enough of Aussies. They are lovely people to serve even if they work the butt of you worse than a dinghy full of sailors home on leave. You can get some great conversation from them, and they are normally always fairly laid back. But do they tip? Do they fuck! And I've had enough of it. So unless you Australians sneak in under my radar you had better find another restaurant to fill your billycan.....(Anyone from New Zealand needs to copy the Canadians and get their flag attached to all their clothes etc so that they don't get confused with their near neighbors. Obviously it works against Canadians in restaurants but will work in favour of the Kiwis)
2. NO CHICKENING OUT. No more will racist, homophobic, sexist (and anything else I find to be offensive, and that's a lot) remarks be stood for. I normally have to bite my tongue and just roll with it. But no more. I will pull you for it, and not in a good way either. It will cost me money, but i don't want your Nazi cash. And that's big of me, I'd take a percentage from anyone, and I mean anyone. But I'm too old to be just accepting your crap. Beware.
   
3. COUNT TO TEN. I can, occasionally, lose my cool. Sometimes I take things a little too personally. Every so often I can be seen kicking the bin, slamming the tray of the glass washer, storming off, and so on. And by "every so often" I mean at least once a shift. It's not good. It needs to stop before somebody gets hurt. It needs to stop before somebody bites back, and then where will I be? Out on my ass that's where. Count to ten, think of green, go to my happy place, anything but hit the detonate button.
   
4. NEW MATERIAL. I need new material big time. It's not good when you use the same lines/jokes on the same table. It's even worse when they finish your lines before you do. But if I'm going to change my lines, guests need to do it too. No more with the, "Oh no that's awful" when tasting the wine or when you have clearly enjoyed your food. It's all I can do not to beat you with the empty plate. I hear that ten times a day and it's wearing thin. I'll drop the ubiquitous, "Hey guys" if you change your "jokes". Deal? Deal.

So apart from Australians, bad jokes, plot loss, and letting the nasty comments slide I'm pretty much perfect..........honest.

Personal Resolutions

1. Go off the smokes. Try and cut down on the smokes, lets be realistic shall we....
   
2. Lose two stone. Actually just not put any weight on would be a good start.
3. Read more books. It's 2008, audiobooks are the future people.
4. Blog less. Blog more, hell yes, it's not an addiction I swear.

That's more than enough new challenges to be getting on with. Don't forget when you are making yours to add, "Tip more!"