Thursday, 20 December 2007

Putin? You have to be joking


Think about it....

  1. We bring you drink......you people need the drink just to get through the day.
  2. We bring you food...if left to your own devices most of you would starve if you had to fend for yourselves.
  3. We don't ride horses, go fishing or hunting with our shirts off......we don't engage in many out door physical pursuits to be honest, unless you count serving food outside on the 5 sunny days a year which we are blessed with here.
  4. We have never, knowingly, poisoned any Russian dissidents. Maybe a few estate agents, but hey who cares about them, right?
  5. We have never rattled this or any other nation into a nationalist frenzy. But we probably would if there was any money in it.
  6. We haven't rigged any elections. We are far too apathetic for that.
  7. Waiters have never raged a bloody and hideous war of attrition against anyone. But that day is coming. Just as soon as I can get the helicopters.
  8. We certainly don't have $41m squirreled away in secret bank accounts. I have about £60 in my change jar. It's good to have a retirement fund.
  9. We don't have a questionable human rights record. Buss boys, bar staff, chefs, and managers are all fair game and deserve a good beating from time to time.
  10. And if we wanted to, which we don't, we could run for the next Presidency of Russia. Ha, so take that Putin you arse.
  11. And ask yourself this, who has had a greater impact on your life in the last year, waiters or Putin? Don't answer that if you are Marina Litvinenko.........
Surely waiters are better and fitter winners of Time Magazine's person of the year. They gave it to him for bringing his country "roaring back to the table of world power." Well with that sort of reasoning why not give it Iran's Ahmadinejad? Or hell if they are setting their sights low why just not give it to the Chuckle brothers, Messrs. Paisley and McGuinness?

If not this year then next year......the time of the Waiter is coming.......and we are bringing our little knives with us......

24 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

There's an easy solution that will keep everybody happy. Can Putin do your shift at the weekend? Sorted.

Manuel said...

BBB: He wouldn't know where to start.....not sure I do.....

Anonymous Boxer said...

Will you also bring those little brooms that are used to brush off crumbs? Because those can do proper damage too.

Manuel said...

Boxer: Shhhhh secret weapons those......

Upset Waitress said...

I didn't get past "We bring you drink" click "publish comment"

Manuel said...

so does that mean you agree?

Upset Waitress said...

Of course I agree. I'm the whitest SHE server you've ever seen. If I'm not on the floor, then I'm asleep or tending to my sites. The sun is my enemy.

This SHE server has participated in bloody and hideous war VIA menu. I almost went out of business by excluding fries from my useless novel. I compromised, now it's Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast instead. I refuse to stock French Dressing to this day.

Being a SHE server I don't have $41m in the bank. I only have $.76m in seven different 5 gallon water jugs placed all over my house. I hide my money well don't I?

I AM the president of Russia, I personally bus them into my place to work for dirt cheap.(I'm joking, I only hire Mexicans)

SO yes, maybe a WAITRESS should be Times person of the year:)

Maybe next year for you WAITERZZZZ :)

ellie said...

£60 in your change jar? Show off! I have £11.53 in coppers, a bent hair clip, two 13 amp fuses and the rolled up silver paper from a kit-kat.

Manuel said...

I refer to all servers, male or female, as waiters.......
here's a post explaining why.......

http://welldonefillet.blogspot.com/2007/09/eat-your-food-or-ill-get-man.html

two whinges in one week........you are worse than my gfriend.....and how many sites have you?

Manuel said...

ellie: do you have the kit kat? i could go a kit kat right now

Upset Waitress said...

All righty Manuel. We should all be called Waiters(floor bitches). Oh I really didn't think I was whining? Was I really? I am re-reading my comment:)...reading it...reading it still.....read it.... Dammit, why didn't I ask for something, whining gets me anything I want!

I have 17 domains with with fully developed sites attached. How many do you have? I know you are a blog whore, so fess up!

My full time job is the restaurant. I one day hope to retire utilizing the internet. It's my dream!

Gypsy said...

Well Manuel, I got a bit further than Upset Waitress before I got distracted. I got up to "with our shirts off", clicked on hoping to see some divine man flesh and .....well.....it wasn't quite what I had in mind.

Lashawna/Superspice said...

NOW, I remember why I still work at The Gap...waiting tables sucks!!! I miss the money but not much else.

dave said...

Guide dog refused entry to a restaurant. What's your views on this, Manuel?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7153072.stm

toast said...

Hey Manuel, you won Time Person of the Year 2006 - what more do you want?

Deborah said...

It seems to be the thing this year what with Al Gore winning the Nobel PEACE prize. *SIGH*

Old Knudsen said...

I wrote a time magazine post but put up dirty pics instead, of course I'll still post it and the world shall be a better place.

Medbh said...

He learned many tricks with the KGB, and looks like a man who enjoys the torture.
Don't trust a man who doesn't drink.

Caro said...

Oh please. They gave it to that tax-avoiding holier-than-thou preachy wanker Bono one year. What more proof do you need that they're either stark raving nuts or drunk?

sheepworrier said...

Ah c'mon now Manuel, everyone knows waiters aren't people...

Native Minnow said...

I tried to comment yesterday, but the server crashed. It's a shame too, because it was the best comment ever. Now I don't remember what it was, so you're stuck with this tribute to the best comment ever instead. Small consolation, I know.

Tony said...

And...what if he came roaring back to the table and there was no food on it? What then Mr. Time magazine? Huh, what then?

MJ said...

I need a drink after clicking on the shirtless pic.

Waiter!

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