My well of patience is running dry...

I said, "who's having the fucking turkey and fucking ham?"

...and someone is gonna get smacked real fucking hard. I'm pretty much at the end of my tether folks. Today was a tough one. It wasn't that it was super busy, it's just that I'm tired. The Princess is tired. The two waiters known lovingly as "the chops" are tired. And when you have four tired waiters you get bumping and banging and knocking into each other. In normal times this is hardly noticed, but during the final death throws of Christmas every little bump is taken personally. Every time someone pushes in front of you to get to the coffee machine it's an insult. If someone causes you even a moments delay you get angry and sweary.

The Princess and I were like this most of the day right from when I arrived. Every remark was taken personally even simple things like,

"Is table 10 set?"

"Of course table fucking ten is set. What the fuck? Why wouldn't I have set table ten?"

And on it continued.

"Do you want a hand with those coffees?"

"I can get my own coffee....." followed up with some muttering under breath which was muttered loud enough for the other person to hear that something was muttered but not loud enough to hear what was actually muttered. Which of course lead to more muttering and swearing.

This was not one of our finest days.

The customers got to share in our lively floor show too.

"And Manuel has your jug of milk." said The Princess as we served a table their coffees.

"No I don't."

"No sorry madam, Manuel hasn't got your jug of milk." She shot me a nasty little huffy look.

"You never asked Manuel to bring a jug of milk." I replied.

" Didn't I? Well we are serving coffee. The ladies probably would like some milk for their coffee."

"Well I'll get them some shall I? You take a little break then."

"Oh don't worry I'll get the milk. You will probably forget."

All this was carried out at the table whilst we served the coffee. Fawlty Towers wouldn't have a look in. And the customers seemed more retarded and stupider than normal today. Or maybe it's just that my tolerance has finally run out.

"And who is having the Turkey & Ham?"

Now that seems like a fairly straight forward question. If you are having the turkey and ham all you need to do is indicate to the waiter holding three fucking scalding hot plates that you are having turkey and fucking ham. I don't want to hear,

"I'm having salmon."

Salmon? Who mentioned salmon? I didn't mention salmon. Did I say I had salmon? NO I FUCKING DIDN'T. Now who is having the fucking turkey and fucking ham?

And then you get the morons who cant remember what they ordered. Jesus wept. How fucking difficult is it to remember what you ordered? How can you forget? I wanna smash the fucking plates on their tiny stupid forgetful heads. They'd remember that.

No it would be fair to say today wasn't fun. And if I'm being honest I probably wasn't being all I can be either. None of us were. But today is the last big day of Christmas service. The mood will be much more jovial tomorrow. The general theme will be, "Fuck it, it's the last day." Saying that we have about a hundred booked for Saturday. Wouldn't want to be them. Not one waiter will care by then. Last day of school sort of attitude by then. I may not even wash properly.....

There were two moments of amusement though. The first being a new record for the restaurant when a table of 19 from the CSA managed to down four courses in a whopping 1 hour and fifteen minutes. That's what I call eating. Bravo. I think their minds were more set on drinking than eating. And when asked by the table of 15 deaf mutes to take a photo for them I naturally agreed. I got them all lined up and looking great. Just before I pushed the shutter I shouted, "Say Merry Christmas" to which there was no response. So I said it again. Then I remembered........good grief......how dumb did I feel. But at least I went home with a smile on my face.......

Fourteen hours to go.....then it's all over for another year........victory is almost mine!