The Most Disappointing Lie Ever Told

Ladies and gentlemen it is with great sadness that I have to break the news to you that the good name of the restaurant industry and waiters in general has been sullied. This leaves me with a terrible taste in my mouth. Shame hangs over this once proud industry. I'm not sure we will ever recover from this terribly dark period. Only time will tell, only with time can we hope to rebuild your confidence.

A lie has been told.

A falsehood has been uttered.

A customer has been wronged.

It wasn't the exposing of the "homemade cheesecake." Nor was it the the true home town of the "locally reared" carne de vaca. It wasn't the supermarket vodka in the Stoli bottle or the "freshly prepared" gravy from a five gallon tub. No it was much worse than that....

....a waiter lied about a tip he got. Oh the shame. He has let us all down, he has let down the noble art of waiting, but most importantly he has let down the customer. Last week dining rooms across the globe were agog at the story of Billy the Waiter from Santa Monica. Billy works at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, and last week he had Mr Donald Trump in for pasta and cappuccino. I'll let Billy take up the rest of the story....

I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. "What’s the biggest tip you ever got?” “Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.” Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.” “Thanks.”

Turns out Mr Trump had left Billy the Waiter a tip of $10,000 on credit card, yes that's right ten thousand Somalians. Billy the Waiter tried to contact The Trumpster to thank him but you know Donald he's all about the love and shy' away from publicity. Billy even tried to contact Donald at his office...

"Honestly, it was a really rough month for me. Who thought Donald Trump of all people would make my year? But he did. I actually tried calling his office to say thanks which is impossible. So if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump, thank you!”

you'd take the rest of the night off eh?

Thank you indeed Mr Trump. It's the least you can do when a guest tips you $10,000. Eh...um...except he didn't. I mean The Trumpster. He didn't tip Billy the Waiter $10,000 after all. A cheesed off Mr Trump said,

"This was done by the stupid restaurant to get publicity," he said. ". . . It's not my signature."

He wasn't even in California at the time apparently. But the story gets worse folks, much worse...

There I was feeling really rather down about the whole thing. A waiter had lied about a tip. A customer had been wronged. A restaurant had muddied the pure pool of the restaurant water. But then the story changed. It had all been a hoax. It had never happened, there is no Billy the Waiter, there was no $10,000 tip, no restaurant had lied for free publicity. It was all an internet spoof by Derober. Well I was shocked. A spoof on the internet? Oh the horror! This is wasn't Tim Berners Lee had intended. My whole trust system has been rocked. I don't know who to trust anymore. Thank God I still have Fox News* to get me through.......

The original story on Derober

The Good people at Fox News were fooled (since then they have caught themselves on)

As were the top minds at E! & Access Hollywood

The Admission of the hoax on Derober

* obviously I don't watch it.....I have a brain n that.......I'm just spoofing....