Wednesday, 12 December 2007

The Most Disappointing Lie Ever Told

Ladies and gentlemen it is with great sadness that I have to break the news to you that the good name of the restaurant industry and waiters in general has been sullied. This leaves me with a terrible taste in my mouth. Shame hangs over this once proud industry. I'm not sure we will ever recover from this terribly dark period. Only time will tell, only with time can we hope to rebuild your confidence.

A lie has been told.

A falsehood has been uttered.

A customer has been wronged.

It wasn't the exposing of the "homemade cheesecake." Nor was it the the true home town of the "locally reared" carne de vaca. It wasn't the supermarket vodka in the Stoli bottle or the "freshly prepared" gravy from a five gallon tub. No it was much worse than that....

....a waiter lied about a tip he got. Oh the shame. He has let us all down, he has let down the noble art of waiting, but most importantly he has let down the customer. Last week dining rooms across the globe were agog at the story of Billy the Waiter from Santa Monica. Billy works at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, and last week he had Mr Donald Trump in for pasta and cappuccino. I'll let Billy take up the rest of the story....
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. "What’s the biggest tip you ever got?” “Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.” Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.” “Thanks.”
Turns out Mr Trump had left Billy the Waiter a tip of $10,000 on credit card, yes that's right ten thousand Somalians. Billy the Waiter tried to contact The Trumpster to thank him but you know Donald he's all about the love and shy' away from publicity. Billy even tried to contact Donald at his office...
"Honestly, it was a really rough month for me. Who thought Donald Trump of all people would make my year? But he did. I actually tried calling his office to say thanks which is impossible. So if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump, thank you!”

you'd take the rest of the night off eh?

Thank you indeed Mr Trump. It's the least you can do when a guest tips you $10,000. Eh...um...except he didn't. I mean The Trumpster. He didn't tip Billy the Waiter $10,000 after all. A cheesed off Mr Trump said,
"This was done by the stupid restaurant to get publicity," he said. ". . . It's not my signature."
He wasn't even in California at the time apparently. But the story gets worse folks, much worse...

There I was feeling really rather down about the whole thing. A waiter had lied about a tip. A customer had been wronged. A restaurant had muddied the pure pool of the restaurant water. But then the story changed. It had all been a hoax. It had never happened, there is no Billy the Waiter, there was no $10,000 tip, no restaurant had lied for free publicity. It was all an internet spoof by Derober. Well I was shocked. A spoof on the internet? Oh the horror! This is wasn't Tim Berners Lee had intended. My whole trust system has been rocked. I don't know who to trust anymore. Thank God I still have Fox News* to get me through.......

The original story on Derober

The Good people at Fox News were fooled (since then they have caught themselves on)

As were the top minds at E! & Access Hollywood

The Admission of the hoax on Derober

* obviously I don't watch it.....I have a brain n that.......I'm just spoofing....

19 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

Forget the tip story, I can't get past "home-made". You've opened a sore here. No, a great big giant pusy boil. How many times have you had a home-made burger that was? Or a home-made cheesecake, gateaux or crème brulee?
Enough. Rant off.

Getting back to the subject, what's been your biggest tip?

Medbh said...

Dirty trick, that is.
I don't care for people who make shit up and then think they're edgy or clever.
It's petty rumour-mongering.

No surprise that Faux News doesn't verify what it reports though.

Manuel said...

BBB: The Nazi's, sorry I mean EHO department at City Hall check for that shit now.....you cant get away with it any more....not that we ever tried to pull such a move .......honest.....Biggest tip? Hard to say, Christmas service charges skew things a bit. Tips at Christmas can run into the fat hundreds on large tables. Biggest tip from a regular table would have to be £150 from a table of tourists...Although if you are from the Inland Revenue I'll deny it...

Medbh: Faux News hahahahaha

Sassy Sundry said...

Oh dear. That's horrible. Why him? I hate that guy. Well, both of them. Donald and the Liar. Blech.

Upset Waitress said...

I drink to much to pay attention to this kind of crap. Was it really on Fox news and E! ??? These people just pull shit from their asses don't they.

Conortje said...

You just can't trust anyone any more can you?

dave said...

A spoof story on the internet?
The horror of it all!

Luckily, if you want a well written, balanced honest story, you can always buy the daily mail.

fatmammycat said...

Ah the Daily wail. Guaranteed to make your blood pressure rise. It's better than coffee of a morning.
Manny old chum, I just want to take this moment to tell you how much I LOATHE frank miserable old fuck carson.

sheepworrier said...

I love lies, they make life more interesting.
I shagged Sarah Travers ya know...

Tony said...

Fox has a news channel?

MJ said...

I've just been told that the cheesecake (best I've ever had) at a posh local restaurant is in fact not homemade but from Costco!

Niall said...

like you never lied manny, i hear ur really a woman u just dress as a middle aged cuddly bald man to get the sympathy and sympathy equals tips. Damn u whore! real question is however, how pissed off can i get u before i visit at xmas?? muchos lovin dude!

savannah said...

i've stopped reading about "celebrites" and the things they do, have done to them that have no positive impact on society. call it an early new year's resolution, sugar! ;-)

nick said...

Don't believe everything you read on the internet! Especially if it sounds so unlikely. And the idea of waiters lying - heaven forbid. As if you would ever pass off the house white as a connoisseur's dream, or last night's pasta as freshly made just for modom....

INNER VOICES said...

just about anything is believable these days... funny thing is, i bet there are more than a few waiters/waitresses in vegas that could "trump" that tip story, ive seen em walk from a table, after serving one drink with a stack of chips equal to a couple hundred bucks! imagine what the high roller table tippers are giving out on a good night!

Mr. DNA said...

The internet can't be a liar! She can't, she can't.
She the only one who truly understands me.

I believe you internet, I believe.

Dennis said...

"I don't care for people who make shit up and then think they're edgy or clever."

Well I'm really in trouble then, eh? So, medbh...I guess getting together for a drink is out of the question?

Peace,

- Dennis
www.donttipthewaiter.blogspot.com

Manuel said...

Sassy: You and me both.....

Upseto: It was.....idiots....then again it fooled me too....

Conortje: I never trusted anyone anyway...not since the whole santa thing....

Dave: Not is this fucking life.....or the next one....

FMC: Ha ha Thats a cracker.....why no love for the Frank?

Sheepo: Me, you, who hasn't.....eh probably me and you...

Tony: Not really....the simpsons are more accurate and balanced....

MJ: Old Mama Costco?

Niall: I swaer to God if you bounce in any day over a weekend I'll put more than colour in your cheeks.....I was on you bebo thingy yesterday.....love the set up of your site....best I've seen yet....

Savannah: I'm gonna try that too....

Nick: we never lie......cant even write that with a straight face......

Inner Voices: I'll move tomorrow....

Mr Dna: It's okay I was only spoofing too.....

Dennis: Bwahahaha your made up shit is the best.....

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