"Happy Birthday Susan :-)" your chocolates were okayish

So I gave the chocolates back, well that was my intention. There were signs people, signs that I should just keep them. I stuffed the coveted box of chocolates into my man bag and headed off into the early evening gloom. I was 75% sure I knew were I was going. But 100% sure I was doing the right thing. But honestly if it hadn't been for the people voting in the poll I would have had that box nailed before lunch. After ten, maybe fifteen, minutes of flapping about in the dark and a near death experience with a group of Eastern European factory workers (I nearly ran into them as I was trying to smoke and cycle at the same time. I now realise I shouldn't do that) I finally found the house. I learn something new every day....

There was no sign of life. That was disappointing. I wanted someone to acknowledge my good dead, I need the love people. I wanted someone to tell me what a great fella I was. So I got off the bike and propped it against the wall. It fell, the bike that is not the wall (that would have been something) and as I was trying to pick it up the contents of my man bag spilled out, chocolates included. For fuck sake, I gave up watching Neighbours for this?! There were pens, pencils, mints, and other bag fodder all over the pavement. I was getting cranky. Sometimes I feel I am living in a Mr Bean movie, but with swearing, lots of fucking swearing.

So I gathered my stuff up and shoved it all back in the bag save for the box of chocolates. The box was looking a bit worse for wear by now, it had got wet when my bag spilled it's contents. I wiped it a bit with the sleeve of my duffle coat. That didn't really help. Now the wet was spread over the box. Nice. I just wanted shot of the fucking thing now. Plus to anybody passing by I looked like a burglar. Not your normal burglar I should say with my duffle coat and scarf by Scotch and Soda. But I did look odd. With chocolates in hand I sought out the letterbox. I wasn't located in the centre of the door, were any self respecting letterbox should be. It wasn't to the side of the handle were crazy people put them. No it was at the bottom of the door were fat people fear to bend. Cunts. No wonder the postie failed to deliver it to the right address, he couldn't face bending down again. Doesn't the EU have a directive about such things? They bloody should, "EU Directive no.126hgr7-56t The placing of Letterboxes on doors blah blah blah." Must send an angry email to Brussels.......

But would the pissing box go in? No it wouldn't. The box was too big for the letterbox. I knocked, that is to say I banged the door. I waited the customary 3 seconds then I put the chocolates back in my bag and fucked off home. And now I am eating them. What was I gonna do, go back later? I very don't fucking think so. They are okay I suppose but not worth the hassle/guilt. Oh and there was a note inside, "Happy Birthday Susan :-) Sorry I couldn't make it. Brain K." I felt bad for a moment but chocolate took the guilt away. Get a bigger letterbox if you wanna get chocolates in the post!

So what have I learnt from the whole experience? I have learnt four valuable things.

1. Don't ask you lot for moral guidance. You just say the things I don't want to hear.
2. The Posties lot is a hard one what with letterboxes that are too small to get anything in.
3. Don't order chocolates from Thorntons. You will probably never get them and they aren't really very good.
   
4. And most importantly never ever smoke and cycle. It's a killer and no mistake. Don't believe me? Well you try and roll your own on a bike whilst carrying a box in the early evening gloom and see if you survive.
   

And in the end it has cost me, well it will when I go back round to that house with £10 and the card that was in the box, and a made up excuse as to how her birthday chocolates got eaten. I blame the post office....clearly....

they are my chocolates now....

In other news, I can Has Wayterz? now does restaurant related om nom nom nom's and What the Waiter Knows has a much improved jobs section and Boxer is having a party on Friday. I'm bringing chocolates......