Wednesday, 5 December 2007

A moral dilemma of the worst sort

not applying chocolate
taking it off....


I am a very weak person. I cant resist. I have the willpower of a 4 year old. Put a pudding in front of me and I'll eat it. Put a packet of smokes in front of me and I'll smoke them. Put a long walk in front of me and I'll take the bus. So imagine my horror/delight when I got home from work last night to find a box of fancy ass chocolates had been delivered through my letterbox by error. Wrong name, wrong address. My initial excitement turned quickly to confusion and anger. Why me? Eh, what had I done to deserve this moral nightmare? Let me repeat myself, I AM A VERY WEAK PERSON.

And let there be no doubt about it, this is a moral dilemma for me. I want to do the right thing. I want to put them in my bag, jump on my bike and deliver them to the lady on the address slip. I want to, oh I really want to. But I also really want to eat them. I want to rip the box apart and stuff my fat little pie hole with dark chocolate treats, stolen dark chocolate treats. You would find me fifteen minutes later lying on top of my bed my mouth covered in chocolate. I'd be struggling for breath and suffering from chocolate sweats. I'm not exaggerating by the way.

Postman bloody Pat has really landed me in it with his incompetent delivery skills. He was well off the beaten track with this delivery. I mean if the Hobbits from The Lord of the Rings had been guided by this fella they would have ended up on a beach in Hawaii. "Surfs up my precious..."

So what am I to do? I know I should sent them back or do it myself. But I like chocolates and particularly other peoples. In one ear I have Spike Lee telling me to do the right thing (I'll throw the bin through the window later Spike!) in the other ear I have Kirstie Alley saying "eat em eat em eat em blllaaaarrrggghhh!" I'm giving it another 24 hours folks. So you make the decision for me, I cant. You can save my soul and my waste band or make me happy.......Oh and I should have said, the chocolates are from Thorntons. Vote now and tell me what to do....

34 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

yoyo said...

Oh dear.. :(

That's quite scary. I'm actually scared of the postal service and some of the cretins they employ. Some of them are worse than chefs..


to be honest, I'd send them back. For one, I ordered some chocoaltes from thorntons a while back for my mum, and they are seriously expensive. It would have sucked so much if they hadnt had shown up!

For another, you'll feel really really good and saint like for giving them back. You know like that glow you get after giving a homeless romainian woman a fiver? The feeling that lasts till you see her jump into a porche fice minutes later..

Oh screw it. Eat them! Eat them!

angela said...

well i mean normally i'd say send them back..but it IS chocolate. and plus, if the person never got them and they bitch about it they will probably get another box sent to them free of charge, and then EVERYONE wins.

:]

ellie said...

Eat them, I am weak. I have smoked after 9 months off the fags.You have to eat them to make me feel better about myself.

Curly K said...

I too am weak-willed, I smoke like a chimney and have an ass like the back end of a house cos I can't shut my mouth. However, when I do those things I only hurt myself so even if it was the dreamiest choclate of the most divine kind guilt of my wrong-doing would get the better of me. (Good convent schooling, Catholic guilt and memories of clipped ears from my childhood I suppose!!)

So, I stand for the morally correct side tonight - give 'em back - you know you want to really! At heart you care about people too much, you know you do!

End of Sermon. Amen! ;) LOL

Curly K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Curly K said...

BTW thanks a million for the link, you are on my to do list for adding to the blog when I get around to updating all of my links

Old Knudsen said...

Usually I'd say eat away round boy but I've got this Karma thing going on and how would you feel if someone did it to you?

I did get 2 CDs sent to me by mistake, they had the info of 25 million people on them. I sold them to pedo John and later that day I failed to get the lottery numbers, thats Karma lad.

Conortje said...

Bring them to the person and then buy yourself some as a reward - best of both worlds. It's christmas after all :-)

Rosie said...

don't eat them, Manuel.

fatmammycat said...

I do not get the appeal of chocolate. Just send them back. They could be poisoned for all you know. Make sure you wipe the box down first though- just in case.

gimme a minute said...

'Surfs up my precious...' So very, very funny.

I love the way that we no longer have to make these decisions for ourselves. Bleughs rock.

I say back with them. Eating chocolate inspires enough guilt as it is. Eating stolen chocolate would be pushing the outside of the guilt envelope.

dave said...

This is a no-brainer. Eat them.

It's not like you were sent an expensive swiss watch that some little old lady spent her life savings on. It's a £5 box of chocolates FFS!. Follow the Forrest Gump route.

livesbythewoods said...

Send them back. They're from Thorntons.

If they were from Montezuma's, now, that would be different.

Plus you might get a reward. A real one, not a "reward in Heaven" one.

sheepworrier said...

'Om-nom-nom-nom-burp' as scary duck might say.
But I'd deliver them myself - gratitude, smugness and good karma will surely follow. 'Tis the season an all that...

healysequoia said...

oh, I feel your pain...what to do!? I think I'd feel pretty bad if I was lying bloated with chocolate and also hating myself for postal theft. While I would feel only slightly put out that I had to run an extra errand.

Maybe there's a reward? Maybe the recipient actually doesn't like chocolate and offers them to you when you return them...(it could happen!)

sheepworrier said...

I mean you deliver them, not me deliver them for you, btw.

yoyo said...

"It's not like you were sent an expensive swiss watch that some little old lady spent her life savings on. It's a £5 box of chocolates FFS!. Follow the Forrest Gump route."

Hello? Thorntons?
Considering a box that someone would bother sending by post is probably going to be minimum of £30, plus delivery, that's far more than a fivers worth of chocolate!



I like the idea of delivering them, and then buying yourself some chocolate that IS yours. Then you get the best of both worlds. Good deed+chocolate= win.

Anonymous said...

What would Homer Simpson do!!!!?

dave said...

yoyo....
Well I wouldn't pay more than £5 for Thorntons chocolate.

;-)

Conan Drumm said...

I'm with livesbythewoods, they're Thorntons which are the cheap mutton dressed as expensive lamb of the chocolate world.

Don't sully your palate with them. Drop them off to the addressee with a card lamenting both the demise of the postal service and the quality of the contents.

Caro said...

Send one to each of your commenters. Spread the guilt (and the chocolately goodness) around. As Conortje says, tis Christmas after all, and you may be saving the rightful owner from high cholesterol and ensuing heart trouble. A good deed indeed.

Mudflapgypsy said...

I am truly shocked!

Knudsen says something I agree with.

If you are going to greet and worry about it you'll feel guilty afterwards.
I only ever do things I won't feel guilty about afterwards ;-)

If you have to ask other people then just deliver it the correct addressee

Manuel said...

Oh damn it......

Okay to everybody who said eat em, thank you! You are my sort of people

To everybody else booooooooo. But you win....I'll take them to where they are supposed to go......but I wont be happy about it....

Niall said...

dude let me say this to you, you talk about you tank of niceness which cannot be expended on just anyone. think of just how much energy we spend each day considering how the actions of one will effect the lives of the many.

it came to me recently as a mild epiphany really. why do we do this? really how many times have peoples inconsiderate actions left us in the shit through no fault of your own... of course the major life changing issues you must consider others and be a decent person. do onto others and all that but i have thought on this greatly and come to the conclusion: be a bastard.. its refreshment for the soul and small acts of self gratification such as sitting naked in your bath with a bottle of gin and sweet sweet chocolate will balance all the shit piled upon you this day.

If i believed in karma it would be my way of balancing it out. if good is matched with good then the bad must be matched with bad. Is this not the case. in the service industry you are expected to be a martyr to the job and happily accept the shit you get daily as part of the job. some people would have people like us sit in segregated seating and attend seperate schools as those not good enough to join them.

we are not second class citizens, therefor we deserve to balance karma back in out favor. pH neutral if you will. being a bastard without fear of reprisal or a hint of bad conscience can be the best medicine. if that isnt, then the laughter you extol as you do your naughty deed for the day surely will.

that is all

Mickey Blue Eyes said...

If you eat them, you will travel down the road to Perdition. Or at the very least, spend a few lifetimes in Purgatory and require a oil refinery fire worth of votive candles for your soul.

Not only would you be committing the deadly sin of Gluttony, but imagine the poor soul expecting those chocolates in the mail. They could be dreaming of filling their pie hole with creamy chocolaty goodness. How disheartened they will be if it never arrived, never knowing its fate.

However, if you deliver them to the intended recipient, it will be a gold star for you and give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside for being a Good Samaritan and giving the intended recipient a glimmer of hope for humanity.

Rosie said...

i'm glad i won.

Medbh said...

"Them shits is broke." I adore "Do the Right Thing."

Manuel, you should have eaten them but good for you for trying to do the right thing.

Deborah said...

Manuel noooo.... don't do it! EAT THEM! My logic is this - eventually old lady will be contacted by gift giver to see if she got chocolates, she will say no, they will go back to Thorntons find out what the cock up was, Thorntons will have to send more. Not the giver or receivers problem Postman fucked it all up.

We had a similar thing happen when we ordered a vintage wooden trike for our two year old's birthday. A couple of days before the birthday it hadn't arrived so I called to inquire. Apprently it had been delivered to some travellors living up the road instead. Needless to say efforts to recover said trike from them proved impossible, but the company were happy to refund our money and some little knacker is now running around with a new trike. See... no worries at all! ;-)

bendersbetterbrother said...

manuel, the great Waiting god in the sky will pay you back handsomely for your honesty.
But... later at work, if you stare at the norks on yer woman on table 22 you'll drop back level again. Worse, if it's a long stare.

INNER VOICES said...

yeah bring em to the lady there for, they are just fucking chocolates... now if it was a nice swiss watch some old lady spent her entire savings on, id say fucking keep that shit, sport it like yer a rich man!!! but chocolate? bang on her door and say happy holidayz.

nick said...

I'm with Conor, deliver them to the rightful owner and do the honest thing. And then buy yourself some REALLY tasty chocs. Just suppose everybody ripped off everything? Plus, if you do eat them, the guilt will spoil the pleasure and you won't enjoy them anyway.

Anonymous Boxer said...

About six months ago a box of frozen lobster was delivered to our doorstep - many phone calls later, we were told to keep it by the lobster company - it was too much trouble to correct and they would resend. Woot! 30 minutes, later, the real customers were knocking on the door asking for their lobster. They apparently didn't want to wait for the second shipment.

I just wish we hadn't called some friends for a big dinner.

And I'd probably eat the chocolate. And then feel really, really bad and end up sending them BETTER chocolates. And money.

So, give them back - it's cheaper.

Manuel said...

I tried, I really really did......

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