Friday, 7 December 2007

Beware the tired waiter

Manuel and the Energizer Bunny
do not confuse one for the other.....


"You've missed a bit."

"Excuse me, what?"

"You've missed a bit, there, near that corner" She was pointing at the corner closest to herself with a very tanned index finger. The sort of finger that holidays 4 times a year I guessed. The sort of finger that's never done a decent days work in it's life, unless you count signing Visa slips as work. I can tell a lot from a persons finger........

I had been at work for about eleven and a half hours by this point and wasn't really in the mood for table cleaning advice from Mrs-Late-Supper-with-no-Booking. Not in the mood at all.

"Thanks...." I said through very gritted teeth "...I'm just a bit tired, been here from early this morning." I wasn't trying to engage Mrs-Late-Supper-with-no-Booking in conversation, I was just being polite. But she had other ideas.

"Tired!?..." She said in a rather dramatic and very condescending manner. "...you shouldn't be working in this industry if you are going to get tired! I used to work in a hotel years ago and blah blah blah blah blah.........."

I didn't hear anything after the first remark about whether or not I was allowed to feel tired.

WHAT?

HAVE YOU BEEN TUGGING ON THE CRACK PIPE?

ARE YOU FROM THE 1800's WHEN THE HELP KNEW IT'S PLACE?

I resisted the urge to stab/launch a verbal volley. "Yes madam you are, of course, right."

Moments later she had the bill in her hand, not that she had requested it. Which of course she passed to the guy with her. She looked a little peeved. She put her coat on, which bore a striking resemblance to a zebra (animal print is always classy. Ha!) and left. She never even said goodbye. Must have been tired.

Waiters are mortal beings. If you cut us do we not bleed? (if you cut me you had better be ready to do so bleeding of your own) If we work for 12/13 hours at a time do we not get tired? Especially if we work for 12/13 hours at a time and then go home and write about it for an hour or two. I get tired, and when I get tired I get snappy. Beware the tired waiter.......

31 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

I can follow that. Last night my boss sent an email at 12.20am. I'm sad. I do work emails on the work laptop at that time whilst browsing the web on my PC. It read like a 2 bottles-of-wine blunderbuss so I had to respond. His tone was such that I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway, mentally compiling a reply.
So at 1.30am he has a reply. Unfortunately I'm a slow typist so he was probably asleep. Boss 1, Me 0.

In your place don't you have a bucket of runny cat shit near the door that you can slather fuckers like hers coats' with?

Manuel said...

BBB: Runny cat shit eh.....you've seen the pate then.....hehehe

ellie said...

I think you need to pay more attention to your colleagues when they are discussing the fake tan vs tanning salon. Zebra print coat does not bring to mind 4 holidays a year. More like a case of fur coat no knickers, the snotty cow!

Manuel said...

snotty cow bwahahha..........

Upset Waitress said...

The table wasn't clean enough for her. Can't believe you just didn't spit on the towel and wipe harder.

Manuel said...

I shouda used her tears.......

Anonymous Boxer said...

I have similar customers who clearly don't give a crap if I just had a bad phone call, or if I'm suffering from the plague. I can hear the crickets chirping as soon as I try to explain why I can't be perky/happy for them.

So what do I do? Yeah, I increase their invoices. Just a bit. They rarely notice.

But I do.

Sorry you had to deal with snotty cow lady.

tallulahbloom said...

Zebra print coat says it all really!Now you go off an have a nice little sleep.

toast said...

bendersbetterbrother - i am noticing that nocturnal emails seem to be coming into fashion in the company i work - with each manager trying to outdo the other with the lateness of the email. Bad weapons the lot of them - but i'm working with a consultant based in the states now, i don't think other people in the email circulations realise he is based in another timezone, so hes keeping the tardy bastards on their toes.

Manuel said...

Boxer: I was in a shop the other day and the guy being served in front of me was just so fucking rude to the lady serving him.....no need.......

Tallulahbloom: And it was a tremendous sleep too.....

Toast: you guys just talk amongst yourselves.....huh

sheepworrier said...

What are you doin up at this time Manuel? Go back to bed, you know how you get when you're tired...

Restaurant Gal said...

My favorite recently was a guest who stood and looked at the seat of his chair, refusing to sit down until I looked at too. Then he pointed--to a couple of bread crumbs. In Upset Waitress style, whom I am beginning to think exhibits the ultimate in professionalism, I gave passing thought to licking my fingers and dabbing up the bread crumbs. Yeah, yeah. I brushed them off. I am not as brave as she is!

Dennis said...

LOL @ sheepworrier.

Hey RG...Upset Waitress would've made the guy feel as if he brought the crumbs in himself, smacked his ass, and probably said, "Hey buddy...you dropped something. I'm not cleaning up after you."

Oh...um, sorry. Hi Manuel.

having my cake said...

I am always amazed at how snitty people can be with what they regard as 'staff'. I worked as a waitress in our local Wimpey Bar for a couple of years when I was at College so I know the situation from both sides and I find it incomprehensible that customers can be so rude to someone who is smiling pleasantly. It became something of a challenge on occasion to just see if I could maintain my composure and chirpy nature in the face of their unpleasantness.
Happy Holidays!

iamnot said...

You know of course that you just planted the idea that I must go cut a waiter to see if he bleeds.
You can't go writing stuff like that with nutters like me around!

I do feel for you. I'm fortunate that all my customer service is done through a computer.

The Little Cheese said...

Less concentration on customer's index finger Mister Manuel, and more concentration on holding your own middle finger aloft.

That will make you sleep easy.

nick said...

You should have wiped the table very laboriously, squinting a little to ensure you'd done it properly, then got some furniture polish and sprayed it on the table (and her), then got a duster and buffed the table thoroughly till she could see her arse in it, then got the infra-red device to check for any residual germs, by which time hopefully the condescending tosser would have walked out.

Medbh said...

I despise animal prints. All of them. I'm sure you never ever tire of every customer telling you about their brief stint in the business and what you should learn from it, right Manuel?

Deborah said...

Animal prints... *SHUDDER*

I recommend running to the chiller and rubbing your hands all over raw poultry and then giving her the bill. A handshake is always good too! ;-)

savannah said...

my eyes glaze over when i hear that tone of voice...you're a good man for even speaking, sugar!

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm playing Miles for you, my friend.....

Walker said...

Now I think you were just assuming she goes on e trips 4 times a year but maybe the lady can't afford to go on holidays and the only pleasure she has is sticking her fingers up her butt to sooth her hemoroids when she is not sitting in a restaurant giving waiters a hard time.

Customers can be so demanding. I used to deliver ice and one customer to a hissy fit because he ran out and I had to go 60 miles out of my way at 1 am to deliver a load of ice to the machine he was supposed rto leave OPEN for me to fill and lock.

He didn't but he did live upstairs from the store but he didn't hear the doorbell

BUT

He did hear the ten pound block of ice crashing through his window :)

He from AB's site

Manuel said...

Sheepo: By the time you commented I balls deep in cutlery.....actually balls deep......

Restaurant Gal: Hahahahaha.....if only we did the things we wanted to....

Dennis: don't mind me....carry on....

Having my cake: Welcome.....One day I'll go postal....one day.....

I am Not: Go ahead......let me know when you recover from the inevitable beating that follows.......no sense of humour some waiters......

The Little Cheese: Bwahahahaha

Nick: hahahaha I'll phone you next time i am in such a situation....

Mr. DNA said...

Maybe you should have cleaned the table proper in the first place! (sarcasm)

Zebra stripes always scream, "classy".

And... oh, hello.

AB, you know.

Manuel said...

medbh: I looove to hear customers long lost tales from when they were waiters or barmen......they always seem to be the people to forget what it's like......

Debs: Bwahahahahahaha that's just brilliant....

Savannah: I swear a lot behind the closed doors.....

Boxer: It's just fantastic.....now for some Coltrane....

Walker: Welcome.......I feel your pain....

Manuel said...

Mr Dna: I was waiting for someone to say that.......Welcome.....

Native Minnow said...

I'd never make it in the service industry. I don't know that I'd be able to bite my tongue like that.

Oh, and stop being so tired.

Manuel said...

Native Minnow: I'll try.......nah still too tired......

Gypsy said...

Hi Manuel, I am popping in from AB's soiree to say Merry Christmas. I have been meaning to visit for a while and as we are seated at the same table I thought "what better time".

I used to waitress in a Hotel at Uluru (Ayers Rock) and once I "accidentally" tipped a tray of drinks over some obnoxious bastard who'd been giving me shit all night. Nice sticky drinks too....it was too delicious.

Manuel said...

Gypsy: Welcome...a tray of ht whiskey is just as satisfying too.....some people bring the fucking worst out in us eh.....

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