Tuesday, 14 August 2007

I don't have a persecution complex but this is taking the piss

paranoid?
who said I was paranoid?


I am, essentially, a good person, save for the odd foible and idiosyncrasy. Having a mental temper and being super quick to over react just make me a zany character! Much like Roy Keane. I try to avoid annoying the gods. I am kind to old ladies, well I don't mug them which is the best you can hope for with this generation. I keep the cat kicking down to two or three a week and I haven't baited a badger in years. Like the bottle of bleach says, I keep out of reach of children. I worry about my carbon footprint. Well I worry about it, I don't do a lot about it, which puts me on a par with the rest of the population. I donate to charity, a football team is charity right? When I am truly motivated I sign the odd petition or two. I like to think I balance my bad shit out with my good shit. My shit is balanced if you will.

So why oh why do bad things keep happening to me?

Sunday was LMM's birthday. I, like a good boyfriend should, had a plan. The little muffin didn't want to go out so I planned a sumptuous feast to celebrate her 25th birthday. Leg of lamb with a minted jus served with mash and roast potatoes, caramelised carrots and parsnips, and asparagus. Nice eh? Those are all LMM's favourites (is that right? - LMM). But before I could even peel a potato disaster struck. The fucking radiator in the kitchen went all suicidal and launched itself from it's moorings and fell on the floor! Not the first time either. But the timing was unbelievably bad. The next hour was spent in the company of towels and mops and swearing. There was water everywhere. But LMM was doing the family thing so I had time to get it all sorted. Well my version of sorted that is. The radiator is still on the kitchen floor, but isn't leaking water any more.

I composed myself, had a smoke and a cup of tea and started to prepare dinner. Vegetables peeled, meat seasoned and ready for roasting, I was feeling fairly relaxed again. I switched the oven on and waited for it to reach temperature. Time for another smoke. But no sooner had I sat down than there was an almighty bang from the kitchen. I sat rigid in my seat for a moment. The oven had gone bye bye, I fucking knew it. I finished my smoke and then threw a Grade A, World Class, Shit Flinging, Vein Popping hissy fit.

Your oven isn't meant to break on the same day your radiator falls off the wall, and neither is meant to happen when you are cooking dinner for your girlfriend's birthday. For fuck sake ! Gimme a break!

The rest of the evening was spent with me over compensating for the disasters.

"MMMMM this Chinese food is really lovely isn't it?"

"It's just so lovely just the two of us, we don't need fancy food.."

And so on. So if this is what you get for being a good citizen then I'm going to give it all up and start dealing drugs. Just after I burn the house down that is....

21 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Manuel said...

Oh and I have a table of 35 French pensioners for lunch tomorrow. Persecution? That's freaking torture....

benders's better brother said...

What's that? Happen in threes? I'll cross my fingers for you?

And next time take the bus man's holiday and don't tempt fate.

Manuel said...

BBB: The problem being that Belfast's best restaurants don't open on a Sunday. And no waiter wants to work on a Sunday. So it's not the best day to go out for dinner. And I'm waiting for the Mac to throw a wobbly next. I'd probably let lose with an AK47 if that happens...Dramatic? Moi?

Anonymous Boxer said...

First, Happy Birthday to the "missus" and second, is it "bad" that I laughed really, really, hard after the radiator fell, but before the oven blew up?
Three, "35 French pensioners for lunch tomorrow."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH.

And I thought I was having a bad day.

Manuel said...

Anonymous Boxer: I'll pass your wishes on. I had 40 regular Irish pensioners today. Not the fun sort either, the grouchy "it's too hot/it's too cold" sort. Laugh away, one day I will....

Medbh said...

Happy Birthday to Little Miss Manuel!
The only good thing about the day was that it was entirely out of your control, Manuel. It's not like you burnt the meal. Curse the kitchen gods and yell at your landlord.
Good luck with the French patrons.

Conortje said...

It never rains but it pours as they say. Hope LMM managed to enjoy her day regardless.

Macdara said...

No good deed goes unpunished, its not meant to be easy being the nice guy and to top it off women like the bad fuckers.

But I am sure the chineese was good.

tallulahbloom said...

Oh no! I think you are entitled to a hissy fit! I did have a wee chuckle though. Sorry.

sheepworrier said...

Birthday salutations to LMM!

Aww, poor Manuel. Its tough bein the good guy innit. Tough and very, very funny (sorry).

more frequent cat kicking and badger baiting methinks.

Manuel said...

Medbh: Told you I was suffering

Conortje: It was pouring all over the kitchen!. Speedos in the kitchen!

Macdara: "No good deed goes unpunished"

Brilliant....

Tallulahbloom: Hissy fit really is an understatement, more Incredible Hulk change sequence. You wouldn't like it when I'm angry...

Sheepworrier: Today I am going to poke a child in the eye, push over a cow, and swear at the French...honest...

sheepworrier said...

haha - cow tipping? the sport of champions!

Manuel said...

better than rugby!

Deborah said...

Poor Manuel! What a day.... thought that counts though! Happy birthday to your special lady friend! ;-)

livesbythewoods said...

Chef's blowtorch - use it to caramelise sugar AND do running repairs on domestic plumbing.

Don't try fixing a gas cooker with it though.

You can't beat an unexpected Chinese, I always think. Although if I'd worked my arse off getting an extra special dinner ready beforehand, maybe that would seem like poor compensation.

sheepworrier said...

LBTW has got a point ya know - better an unexpected chinese than an unexpected (or even expected) boot in the balls.

INNER VOICES said...

sounds like a day at work last week. if it wasnt one thing it was the other... something i have learned in life though, shit happens in threes. good or bad, i was waiting to hear what happened next... did you skip something? happy beerthday to the young miss!!

Manuel said...

I'm battered, proper response tomorrow sometime....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Buy a gas camping stove. Our electric power went off once on a Saturday night ( no birthday involved ) and I had to lug the camping stove out of the garage.

Mrs M thought I was mad to keep an old camping stove but not so mad when I turned out a nice dinner even though the rest of the street had takeaways delivered.
The show must go on etc.

My deepest symapthies. In your situation I think I would have exploded.

Manuel said...

Mudflapgypsy: I did explode. Terrible temper at the best of times, but during a crisis I'm liable to do myself an injury. The gas stove has been priced....

deborah: Yeah but i've now used "it's the thought that counts" coupon, no more excuses...

LBTW: ME? BLOWTORCH? How little you know me. "Man and woman found dead in burnt down house, lamb dinner also ruined..."

Sheepworrier: No, silence is worse than a boot in the scrotum..

Inner Voices: No, I'm waiting, scared n all...

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,