Another fishy tail......

I have a terrible feeling of foreboding with regard to the next few days.
St Patrick's Day weekend is always a "lively" one.

With that in mind I hoped that Thursday night would be the calm before the green tinged storm. I didn't mind that it was busy I just wanted an idiot free night.

Oh well we can dream.....

"Yeah you know what I'd love?" said the very tactile, but not in an annoying way, woman. She gripped my arm as she spoke. If she had twisted it in even the slightest way it would have been a very sore Chinese burn. And probably have given me a flashback to my childhood. There could have been tears.

"No madam I have no idea what you'd love." I replied as I tried to free my arm from her death grip. Her other arm was waving about. I think she was actually trying to conjure up her most favourite meal, like a magician would.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH" She said

"Yes?" I said

"I'd really really love some, oh what-dya-call-it......." The suspense, and her hand, was gripping.

".....I'd love some snapper!" and at that she released my arm and the blood began to flow again.

"Snapper?"

"Oh yeah some lovely fresh snapper with wok fried veggies."

"Oh that does sound lovely......" I agreed

"Doesn't it?" she chimed

"Yeah it really does, but we don't do it." I said in a very stern voice trying to put an end to this fucking charade.

"You don't do it?"

"NO we don't do it"

We haven't served snapper in over five years. I wouldn't mind but she had clearly looked at the menu for a good ten minutes before I approached her to see if she wanted to order. She was crest fallen. I rhymed off our fish options, all now served with a side dish of your choice. So she ordered a sirloin. For fuck sake!!

I get this all the time. People ask for things that aren't on the menu. If someone wants chicken, for example, done in a particular way we try to accommodate them if we have the time and more importantly the will. We always have chicken on the menu, ergo we always have chicken in the fridge. You cant go about asking for snapper or lobster or deep fried fairies. We don't keep random stock lying about just in case someone fancies something different. Anyway fairies aren't in season until the Autumn.

But it didn't end there.

This guy was in tonight, an hour late and with more Eastern European men all wanting Bish Visky every two minutes. They were actually good craic and ate like champions. But as with their last visit only the Scruffy Frenchman could speak English so all orders went through him. As I returned to the table to get their sweet order I found Scruffy telling them that strawberries and ice cream is "magnifique". And I agree. Just a fucking pity we don't serve it! They got rhubarb crumble and custard instead. I walked of as he tried to explain custard to his 9 non-English speaking chums. There's a challenge.

Good grief people just read the menu and pick something! If you want to write your own menu, open your own restaurant.