Water load of nonsense....

I was flicking (scrolling?) through The Guardian's Food Blog, Word of Mouth the other day when I stumbled upon a story about how the arse had apparently dropped out of the bottled water market. Watery poo everywhere, ha. My, people do seem to get themselves into a pickle about bottled water, particularly in restaurants. Everybody has their own buying-water-in-a-restaurant horror story. Everybody except me that is, as I am not a bed wetter.

Anymore.

get thee behind me watery satan...

The best I've heard was from a comment on that story from The Guardian about the time when the holy and exalted, Anthony Bourdain, was chucked out of one of Alain Ducasse's eateries in New york. Apparently our hero (he is our hero right?) was less than amused with the water waiter's too enthusiastic by half description of each of the bottled waters available. Our Tony was said to have chortled out loud and into the face of the water waiter and was less than complimentary with regard to his florid and flowery description of each of the bottled waters characteristics, provenance and reviving qualities.

Now I wouldn't normally condone such behaviour as waiters, even water waiters, are human people with feelings and emotions. But such feelings and emotions shouldn't be used to describe goddamned water. Seriously.

Another commenter said that they had been charged 70 pence for a jug of water. Excuse me what? You paid seventy pence for a jug of tap water from the tap, for corporation stock, as my da calls it? Well you need a slap and the restaurant needs an award for having some set of balls for even doing it. If whilst dining in a restaurant it became apparent to me that they were charging for tap water I would quietly get up from my seat, push it back under the table and make my way outside collecting my coat on the way. I would then set the fucking place on fire. I would marvel as the the flames raze the place to the ground. And when the fire brigade show up to put the fire out I would advise them to charge at least 70p for every second the hoses are on.

Charging for tap water in a restaurant is some shameful shit but paying for it is even worse. Don't do it. Just ask yourself, "What would Anthony do?" and take appropriate action. Clearly you shouldn't ask yourself ,"What would Manuel do?" and burn the restaurant down. Obviously.