Monday, 9 March 2009

Democracy eh......

Democracy sucks balls. No, seriously it really does? Sammy Wilson is testament to this fact. Okay well maybe democracy doesn't suck balls in the larger sense. I suppose if you have a large country to be running democracy is a swell way to do it. Power to the people and all that. But online restaurant reviews definitely do suck scrotal sack. Again, this requires qualification. Reviews carried out by professional eaters/reviewers (a job I yearn for, obviously) who know what they are yammering on about and have the ability to construct it into a coherent sentence and not only have spellchecker but know how to use it, they are okay. Well for the most part they are okay. Some are just smug self satisfied cunts.

But some online review sites make me want to gouge eyes out, not my own obviously as they are beautifully blue and I need them to see stuff, but I would certainly like to attack the peep holes of a lot of the contributors to these sites. Oh man do they make me want to do a sick in my mouth. I came across one the other day for one of my more favourite Belfast restaurants that left me seething. I seethed for hours after, seethed I tells ye. It put me right off my post work cup of tea. Well nearly.

The contributor/idiot was all a tizzy because the restaurant they dined in didn't serve a full range of meat dishes. Now one quick glance on their website would have confirmed this. But instead we ned up with little nugget of delightfulness/helpfulness....
"I have to say I was very dissappointed to find no chicken or beef on the menu mainly fish and vegetarian dishes. I do like fish but this night I really would have liked a steak."
Really? You wanted steak eh? I dunno maybe you could have gone to a steak house or maybe like just about any other restaurant in Belfast. Just saying. Bleurgh.

Still it's heart warming to see others have decided not to go down the eye gouging route, although I still consider it as a viable option, and have instead embarked on a much more satisfying way of getting back at the online numpties who contribute to review sites.

From Boing Boing...
Pizza joint gives staff t-shirts with the text of 1-star Yelp reviews.

At San Francisco's Pizzeria Delfina, they know how to own their pain. Rather than wringing their hands over Internet sourpusses who give them one-star Yelp ratings, they've printed up tees with excerpts from the most scathing reviews ("This place sucks") and given them to the staff to wear. Instead of simply bitching about Yelp, they've made Yelp their bitch and taken quotes from one-star reviews posted on Yelp about the pizzeria and made them into T-shirts for their staff to wear. (They also have one that simply says, "This place sucks," a quote from yet another typically eloquent and insightful Yelp review.)

Ha! Quality. Still, I hold a spoon for eye gouging in reserve.......

Feel free to leave your comments below, I value your comments and would never eye gouge any of you, well most of you. Also and with remarkable timing I shall be posting a review of my own later this week of Belfast's latest eaterie, The Barking Dog. All puns regarding the vegetables having, "bite" and that whole area will be avoided. Maybe......

22 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

belfastyouthworker said...

ah manuel, i have missed thee. have some wine.

Manuel said...

byw: why thank you...so where the hell have you been? eh?

belfastyouthworker said...

i have been without internets but thankfully not without my faithful chardonnay...my crutch in these times of recession.... but i have moved to the suburbs and am now back in the long apron! newtownabbey pub goers, watch your step!

Medbh said...

A better approach for the snippets on t-shirts would be to have reviews of the customers.

You could make a fortune with that one, Manuel.

Manuel said...

byw: oh my! ...... oh my oh my oh my....what's that like then? you eh having lots of fun? I have never been in the glen inn.....ha!

Manuel said...

medbh: bwahahahah oh I'd be in court for libeling them....swell idea though

belfastyouthworker said...

not the glen inn.....but really really ridiculously close!!!!

Manuel said...

byw: ok...got it....swell! I want 500 words by the ned of the month....there must be a story of fifteen from there....

belfastyouthworker said...

come and visit me!

Manuel said...

byw: n'abbey? hardly...that's a blue bus too many for my liking....manuel doesn't do countryside....

Boxer said...

I only check online reviews for hotels in cities I don't know, and then I read them ALL. Never food. People are too picky and strange. I leave reviews to the professionals or friends.

psychoknitter said...

After reading the review by the "cunt", I can only concur on his nickname. Take comfort in the fact that with newspaper sales at an all-time low, they will likely not have enough money to pay arrogant twats to go to restaurants anymore, particularly ones that require a plane ride.

He and the many so-called experts like him (self-proclaimed or otherwise) reek of a smug elitism that makes me gag far more than a dish of mole poached in ovaltine.

I generally ignore reviews - I find word of mouth by people who have similar tastes to my own to be the best source.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Let me give you a quick heads-up on the oul Barking Dog.

Don't pass on the scallops with black pudding, and the cauli puree starter.

...as for the floor, I want that fecker for my own dining room.

You'll see what I mean.

Manuel said...

boxer: yeah we use trip advisor for hotels and that's it.....

psychoknitter: word of mouth is the very best way......as long as you trust your friends that is.......ha!

jimmy: you big spooky bastard, that's exactly what I did have.....oooooooh

belfast cabby said...

I of all people shouln't have to ask this, The barking dog? wheres that

belfast cabby said...

sorry wife shouted at me for being thick, i still call it rain city d'oh

Manuel said...

belfast cabby: yes that's the one! heh heh heh

savannah said...

gawd, i love when ya'll rant like this! ;) xoxo

(aside, ok, call me whatever, but when i read the work "thick" in my head i hear "tick"..it must be remnants of the dublin former son-in-law, the bastid, but gawd he was funny at times!)

Jimmy Bastard said...

Its a nice place to eat, and hang out in if you're all togged up and wanting something different.

Next time try the mussels.

Magnifique!

Native Minnow said...

Speaking of steak, I just had the best one I've ever eaten in my life this weekend. Mesquite grilled outdoors. Mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm.

Randy said...

Just wondering: do you think it's fair to allow the service/lack thereof in valet to color your review of a restaurant? I recently had the valet at a local restaurant get the inside of the car soaking wet when bringing it around, and knocked a star off the restaurants rating for that. (Although I did mention the reason and said if it weren't for that it would have been a four-star review.)

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