"Awesome-O" and other problems...

Spiderbastard is back.

I'll give you a moment to deal with that.

He's back, but not in any physical form that can be stabbed with a brush handle but rather in my dreams. This is not good. In fact it's very not good. I have to doff my hat to the eight legged warrior. I didn't think he would have the ingenuity to launch a psychological attack from beyond his bin shaped grave a la Freddy Krueger. But there you go, he did and it wasn't pleasant. All that was missing was a shitty hat and a red and black striped sweater.

I'll not bore you with the details of the dream itself. Is there anything more tedious than having to listen to someone jabbering on and on about their dreams and what they might mean? Unless you are MLK I don't want to hear about your nighttime mind play. First hint of anyone starting a conversation with, "Oh I had this dream last night...." and I walk away. No goodbye, no excuse, I just walk. Actually the only thing duller than listening to someone yammer on about their dreams is someone yammering on about their favourite acid trips. Yeah, yeah you saw another dimension and you thought your hands were flowers.

Fuck off.

God damned hippies.

god damn hippy
bet he talks about his fucking dreams
what a bore

Suffice to say my dream involved the late departed Spiderbastard, myself, a six foot tall glass and massive shovel. It didn't end pretty and I woke up sweating and quite unhappy with life. Then the alarm went off and I was even less happy. Does it mean anything? I would suggest it means nothing more that I am obsessing about a spider that is long since dead.

It's not just dead spiders that I'm obsessing about, there is also the word, "Awesome-O". I can't stop saying it. It started out as a simple exclamation of awesome when something was indeed awesome and now it's become "Awesome-O" at anything. I added the "O" after watching an old episode of South Park surprisingly entitled, "Awesom-O".

I'm using it all the time - at work, at home, in shops, the taxi driver even got an "Awesome-O" just for showing up on time and obviously in my god damned dreams too. I'm sure it was the last line of Sunday night's Nightmare on Elm Street vision. You cant give me a cup of tea or offer me a smoke with getting an "Awesome-O" in return. But there isn't a moment where it doesn't fit.

There is angry "Awesome-O", said with anger and intent to harm when for example the alarm goes off in the morning. There is happy "Awesome-O" said with joy and sweetness when the nice table of four leaves you a larger tip than you expected. There is sad "Awesome-O" saved for times when bad shit happens, like the death of a friends Uncle. How inappropriate. My favourite utterance of "Awesome-O" is sarcastic "Awesome-O". I expelled a long exaggerated barely audible but very sarcastic "Awesome-O" as I approached my last table late on Monday night. The chefs got a very sarcastic "Awesome-O" when they sent me to a table with cold potatoes.

"Awesome-O" job with the spuds there lads. You wanna try and make them hot this time?"

I got out of the kitchen just before the knives hit me. But seriously it's starting to annoy me. I need a new word that is just as adaptable but less annoying.

Any thoughts?