Tuesday, 16 September 2008

"Awesome-O" and other problems...

Spiderbastard is back.

I'll give you a moment to deal with that.

He's back, but not in any physical form that can be stabbed with a brush handle but rather in my dreams. This is not good. In fact it's very not good. I have to doff my hat to the eight legged warrior. I didn't think he would have the ingenuity to launch a psychological attack from beyond his bin shaped grave a la Freddy Krueger. But there you go, he did and it wasn't pleasant. All that was missing was a shitty hat and a red and black striped sweater.

I'll not bore you with the details of the dream itself. Is there anything more tedious than having to listen to someone jabbering on and on about their dreams and what they might mean? Unless you are MLK I don't want to hear about your nighttime mind play. First hint of anyone starting a conversation with, "Oh I had this dream last night...." and I walk away. No goodbye, no excuse, I just walk. Actually the only thing duller than listening to someone yammer on about their dreams is someone yammering on about their favourite acid trips. Yeah, yeah you saw another dimension and you thought your hands were flowers.

Fuck off.

God damned hippies.

god damn hippy
bet he talks about his fucking dreams
what a bore


Suffice to say my dream involved the late departed Spiderbastard, myself, a six foot tall glass and massive shovel. It didn't end pretty and I woke up sweating and quite unhappy with life. Then the alarm went off and I was even less happy. Does it mean anything? I would suggest it means nothing more that I am obsessing about a spider that is long since dead.

It's not just dead spiders that I'm obsessing about, there is also the word, "Awesome-O". I can't stop saying it. It started out as a simple exclamation of awesome when something was indeed awesome and now it's become "Awesome-O" at anything. I added the "O" after watching an old episode of South Park surprisingly entitled, "Awesom-O".

I'm using it all the time - at work, at home, in shops, the taxi driver even got an "Awesome-O" just for showing up on time and obviously in my god damned dreams too. I'm sure it was the last line of Sunday night's Nightmare on Elm Street vision. You cant give me a cup of tea or offer me a smoke with getting an "Awesome-O" in return. But there isn't a moment where it doesn't fit.

There is angry "Awesome-O", said with anger and intent to harm when for example the alarm goes off in the morning. There is happy "Awesome-O" said with joy and sweetness when the nice table of four leaves you a larger tip than you expected. There is sad "Awesome-O" saved for times when bad shit happens, like the death of a friends Uncle. How inappropriate. My favourite utterance of "Awesome-O" is sarcastic "Awesome-O". I expelled a long exaggerated barely audible but very sarcastic "Awesome-O" as I approached my last table late on Monday night. The chefs got a very sarcastic "Awesome-O" when they sent me to a table with cold potatoes.

"Awesome-O" job with the spuds there lads. You wanna try and make them hot this time?"

I got out of the kitchen just before the knives hit me. But seriously it's starting to annoy me. I need a new word that is just as adaptable but less annoying.

Any thoughts?

39 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Sniffle&Cry said...

You went on the piss, and Spiderbastard is back in your heeby-jeeby dreams, n'est pas ?

And kid, if you want an adaptable word, use kid all the time. Down here you call your grandad kid, the barman and your boss if she's born yet. All kid.

belfastyouthworker said...

"cunt"

Manuel said...

sniffle & cry: i haven't had a proper drop in months.....kid eh.....not sure it will work but I'll try it....

byw: I assume that's a new word suggestion.....id not you're just being mean......heheheheh

Sniffle&Cry said...

Okay, I thought spiderbastard came back with the horrors, so apologies.

Then again, the spider dreams Manuel. What is it saying to YOU.

It's more like " well kid" and then dropping the well bit. ?I did tall the the time.


Failing this try "un-fucking-real"

Sniffle&Cry said...

Sorry, " I do this all the time", fucking keyboard

Manuel said...

snifle & cry: I don't look into my dreams...load of bunkum if you ask me.....

Niall said...

i was once told that alcohol is lifes low cost psychiatrist. i tend to agree. only through a boozy vomit filled ramble can things gain true meaning and perspective.

you need to get boozed up and deal with spiderbastard head on. good luck. Ill be rootin for ya!

Manuel said...

niall: no, no thank you....so many more demos would need dealt with......

Medbh said...

I thought spiders were good omens in dreams?
Awesome-O sounds addictive.
How about fantastic, splendid, righteous, marvellous?
I would avoid saying sweet though. It's nouveau hippie speak.

Manuel said...

medbh: shit I say sweet all the time....damn it...I need two new words now...

Sniffle&Cry said...

Un-fucking-real

Manuel said...

sniffle & cry: "Un-fucking-real" - better.....snappy......useable...

belfastyouthworker said...

lol yes a new word suggestion. it fits in every conversation and social occasion. at least the ones i frequent.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I currently over use "fabulous" and sometimes I say "awesome" too much and I see my nephews cringe, which reminds just how old I am... soooooo Awesome-O is a fabulous new word for me.

Thanks!

Manuel said...

byw: I'm a big fan.....never an inappropriate time to use it either....

boxer: I like fabulous.....and can be used with sarcasm too...it could be a winner...

savannah said...

how about:
incredible?
superb?
impressive?
just remember to draw the word/syllables out as appropriate.

(i'm working on a thoughtful response to the comments over at my place, sugar)

xoxo

Masquerade said...

You could always go with the good-old rainbow standby of 'Fabulous!' Adding -licious to the end of anything will definitely make your customers adore you. How incredilicious is that? And if all else fails, 'Fierce' is probably your last, best hope for a peculiar look.

Hope this helps! ^_^

Becaus said...

I use P.S.

"P.S You're a loser"
"P.S Where the fuck are my socks?"
"P.S You're the best"

Works in every situation, although people may wonder why your conversations sounds like letters.

Steve said...

What I do is rather than use a word I build up sarcastically everyone around me.I know it sounds awful but everyone loves it.For example the prep guy is making a salad and I say " you are really on your game tonight" or "tonight you are really stepping up" and one I really love is " now that I know you are working tonight my worries are over".Another one I use is " you're the best!" And when someone does something I say you're awesome and when someone really does something like speed up a meal for me I will say the best one of all, "you're unbelievable".
But if I had to say a word to myself it would be "wow".It covers everything.
In fact I think I gave myself an idea for a blog article,thanks Manuel!

Simon said...

You can't beat the all time classic "fuck". It can be good, as in "Fuck yeah!" or bad - "fuuuuuck" (said slowly and quietly - like you've just seen a REALLY fat dude fall over). It can be commiserative, "fuck I'm sorry", or it can express surprise as in "fuck me!" (for instance when Spiderbastard's widow runs out from under the fridge). And of course, when berating the slow wait stuff, "you fuckin' genius" or the kitchen staff "you fuckin' lunatics!". A word for all seasons. Fuck yeah.

English Mum said...

Meh, you want to live with teeny teenagers, then you say 'wicked!' every five minutes and people look at you strangely. They also say 'top', 'bangin' and 'deadly' all the time. I think the trick is to concentrate on a new annoying word and the old one will slowly melt away.

PS: Oh, and get yourself a greyhound - they take great pleasure in the noisy sucking up and crunching to death of spiders. Very satisfying to watch.

PPS: You're coming to dinner (figuratively, on ma bloge) x

Conan Drumm said...

Your "Awesome-O" is sort of like Osama with the vowels swapped around.

So you were in the glass, eh? And friend eight-legs was fixing to bin you? Verrrrrrry innnnnerrrrresssting... Doubtless you remember, "Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me." You may feel no regret, but your guilt-infused conscience / unconscious tells a different tale.

That'll be 100 guineas.

On the money! (also applicable in many situations)

Trekkie said...

I was woken up this morning by my daughter running into my bedroom, screaming about a giant spider. Sorely tempted to send her in the direction of this blog (but she's only 8, so maybe not). But, being an aging hippy vegetarian chick, I'm not allowed to go down the 'blood dripping spider killer' route. Que me, at 7.10am out in the garden in my nighty and in the pouring rain, trying to shake said spider out of my biggest kitchen jug. Not a pretty sight. Yesterday, it was a slug that had got into my sons bedroom. But at least I don't have to worry about Freddy Kreuger dreams.
Oh, and 'Nice' is a good word - it can drip scarcasm, or you can actually use it as as .....well, nice, word.

witchypoo said...

That's nice is code for fuck off. Lately I have been using "shit mittens" but that doesn't translate into sarcasm well.

sheepworrier said...

I've a habit of using 'peachy' everytime I return to culchieville, as in 'Im just peachy' when asked about your well being, or 'that is just fuckin peachy' when you need to express anger. Strangely I only ever say it outside Belfast, so if you use it here Manuel then we won't clash!

Peachy.

Manuel said...

savannah: not edgy enough.....

masquerade: adding of licious is a bit too "young" for me....

becaus: not bad.....not bad at all...

steve: here to help.....

simon: it is a classic......ol faithful...

english: can I borrow bert for a week? that would be wicked....

conan: I bow to no spider and feel no guilt....apart from the usual crushing catholic guilt...obviously...

trekkie: nice........hehehehe only joking

witchypoo: bwahahahahahahaha that is great!

sheepo: I like it......I may trial it tonight....

Crispy said...

The guys in work here seem to say "where else would you get it?" to absolutely everything...good and bad. I have now found myself saying the same, at home, car, playground...it's even starting to annoy me, but you might like it.

As for Spiderbastard, did LMM show you my beasty?! It's eyes were on stalks and when I came home from work yesterday she was sitting on the sofa, wearing my high heels (that;s how I know she was a she) and smoking a fag....no one is allowed to smoke in the house!!!

Does no one pay attention to house rules anymore!!!?

Manuel said...

Crispy: a big brush and some horror movie theme tunes should sort the fucker out.....

Lottie said...

I have spider dreams at least once a week. They are sneaky little b@stiids!

Manuel said...

lottie: you swear away if you want to......we are a swear friendly blog....in fact we encourage it.....bum fuck tit wank.....there you go.....

Lottie said...

Manuel - I am a lady!
Well no in truth I am not. But I am fucking shite at swearing!. I can't say B@stiid as I sound like a totally posh twat when I do so it's really just a way of expressing the real me online!

I even say "Frack" on my own blog. But feel free to pop over and try contaminate the language.

MJ said...

"fuckity fuck fuck fuck"

bethanythemartian said...

My word tends to be indeed, which I guess makes people think I'm older than I actually am. Indeed is a good word, I think. Wicked is also good, but Indeed is very very versatile, I have found.

RE the dream: I think you're right about dreams for the most part, but I always end up talking about mine because they are so BIZARRE. I mean, compare my sanest dream to most people's strangest and I still win. So I talk about them in the 'look what my brain did to me last night' sense.

I do think dreams are just a big funhouse mirror- it warps everything that's on your mind and reflects it back to you in a big jumble. You can try to crack the code, or just shrug and decide that the crazy bullshit don't need a reason.

Masquerade said...

Shit mittens! I LOVE it!!!

Sooz said...

Manuel, if I ever get my hands on you, you shall be sorry.... I was merrily sitting in my house watchin the football this evening when across my floor crawls... a SPIDERBASTARD- I'm not kiddin, this thing was about the size of my hand- clearly your murdering of his relative has brought a plague of the little bastards to Belfast.... Thanks for that! lol

Manuel said...

lottie: I was gonna but then I didn't....obviously....sniff sniff....

mj: it's a good un eh....

bethany: indeed.......see what i did there.....?

masquerade: it's just so good! eh!

sooz: ah sooz that ain't so good.....There was one in the shower with me the other day, I nearly pooed myself....

Ben. said...

Could could always try changing your suffix "-O" to "-sauce".

It works with everything, esp Awesome-sauce.

I do love Shit-mittens.

Manuel said...

ben.: too similar.....but shit mittens is indeed brilliant....

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