Friday, 8 August 2008

A ........... of waiters

I was chatting with a seemingly charming four top last evening - the usual topics of the weather, the Olympics, wine, and the lack of a good fishmongers in the south of the city. Life for the middle classes must be hell. I oohed and aahed in all the correct places and nodded along as one must do in such situations. The bill hadn't been paid and the question of my tip was still unanswered. So I had to nod along and make like I gave a tiny little rats ass.

oh ha fucking ha

But it wasn't busy so I was quite happy to talk with them a while. The conversation turned to other restaurants. One new city centre restaurant in particular had been mentioned. I was keen to share my opinion, as I am on almost every subject you care to mention. I mentioned that I and a group of other waiters had indeed visited that particular place quite recently and had been somewhat disappointed. Now I thought the conversation would have continued along that line, why had we been disappointed, what specifically had let us down and so on. But not a word of it. Instead one chap, who had been quiet until that point asked....

"A group of waiters?"

"'Scuse me? I had no idea what he was on about.

"You said a group of waiters."

"Yes...eh...I suppose there were four or five of us." Just where was he going with this?

"And is that the collective noun for waiters?"

"Eh?"

"Group? As in a group of waiters. Is that the collective noun?"

"Em....er....uh...I don't actually think so. Em........" Remember my tip was still swinging in the air so I felt I had to stick this peculiar line of questioning out.

"A group? It doesn't sound right." There was silence as his three companions and I stared at him with perplexed gazes. He took a final swig of wine, turned to me, winked (which was very weird) and announced....

"An absence! That's what the collective noun for waiters is, an absence!" And then roared with laughter repeating, "An absence of waiters!" His many chins wobbled as he laughed.

As I walked away with their cash and my tip, which was generous, I began considering the collective noun for restaurant guests...

....a whinge of guests?

....a bastard of guests?

....a k-ching of guests?

What say you? A .... of waiter/guests?

38 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

a "necessity" of guests. Easy, tiger.

belfastyouthworker said...

in my waitressing days the collective noun for guests was an 'inconvenience'. the term turned increasingly more profane the closer to got to closing time

MJ said...

A wanker of guests.

Manuel said...

bbb: how very accurate.......

belfast youth worker: love it....

Manuel said...

mj: bit harsh....so clearly I like it......

eguinan said...

An uncertainty of guests? An enclosure? A tacit-agreement-not-to-kill-each-other of guests?

Manuel said...

eguinan: bwahahahaha a passive aggression of guests.....

daisyfae said...

a "patience" of waiters? a "brown snorkel" of waiters? a "subservience" of waiters? will have to keep munching this over...

oooooh! a "munch" of guests...

Anonymous Boxer said...

the whistle of my back hand against their forehead?

No? See, I'm all bitter this week.

You handled it like a pro. I had to Google "collective noun."

Native Minnow said...

I'm fond of the word 'gaggle'

Silverstar said...

Personally, I can see a plateful of waiters. And my favorite collective noun is a murder of crows. TMI?

sheepworrier said...

A 'mischief' of guests, like a mischief of rats.

toast said...

an indifference of waiters

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_collective_nouns_by_collective_term_A-K

toast said...

a descent of guests

toast said...

Lipton (1970) whoever he may be also backs up wikipedias spurious claim of an indifference of waiters

toast said...

indifference is good but it is a bit 1970... lets bring it into 2008 - a 'meh' of waiters

The Idle Wanderer said...

Reminds me of my ex girlfriend's dad. He kept bees in the garden, was into homebrew and made moronic comments like that everywhere we went.

Not only is it not funny, it has a hint of boorishness behind it as well. I feel for you.

"A bellend of guests"

Manuel said...

daisyfae: a brown snorkel? oh that's nice....eewwww

boxer: it's friday, friday is not a bitter day...

minnow: we are waiters, not 14 yo girls.....

silverstar: a smorgasbord of waiters?

sheepo: works for me.....

toast: on wikipedia? must be true....an indifference of waiters is a bit fucking cheeky eh? Saying that I do like "meh"

Manuel said...

the idle wanderer: bellend......sweet.....

AnFearBui said...

A burden of guests

A worry of guests

A tax of guests (tips)

A milch cow of guests even

Manuel said...

anfearbui: ten thousand points for you! a burden of guests........brilliant

toast said...

agreed, a burden of guests is great

richard said...

surely it depends on the restaurant? there are some I could name where you'd have an 'arrogance' of waiters who would no doubt serve an 'ignorance' of guests

jen said...

'A bustle of waiters' - if you're going for the industrious, hard-working angle...

sheepworrier said...

A 'tantrum' of waiters?

savannah said...

a wad of guests

a load of waiters

i'm not feeling it yet... ;-)

xoxox

Old Knudsen said...

An extortion of waiters.
A cunt of waiters.
An attitude of waiters.
A grovel of waiters.

A pay yer wages of customers.
An interrupt yer work of customers.
A patronize of guests.

Old Knudsen said...

A 'Where?' of waiters.

yer customer had it dead on. Its bad when the customers are more funny isn't it?

Medbh said...

You must be the king of the grin-fuck, Manuel.
I would have sneered at the guy.

Blondefabulous said...

A "service" of waiters

A "murder" of guests

Anonymous said...

a grumble of guests

Frank B said...

A tipple of waiters...

Maxi Cane said...

A terrible pain in the foreskin of customers.

A sweaty gaggle of waiters.

thewineguy said...

an empowerment of guests

an entitlement of guests

a grumble of waiters

these were the top 3 choices at work last night.

Anonymous said...

A smugness of waiters

An employment of customers

A deployment of bar tenders.

Conan Drumm said...

A waft of waiters?
A perplexity of punters?
A hover of waiters?
A gruel of guests?

Sunnybrae and all who sail in her said...

A Gratuity of Waiters

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