Sunday, 20 July 2008

Who needs neighbours?

The solitary painter working in the house next door assures me he will be finished in the next week or so. He's been the only person working next door that hasn't made me want to commit murder. He's an affable sort of chap, full of pleasantries and cheery hello's or to be exact what about ye's. We converse most mornings as I smoke my breakfast on the doorstep and he has his mid morning cup of milky tea. It's the normal run of the mill small talk, the joy of the Irish summer, sport, the economy, and so on. There was an odd moment though last week when we drifted onto the worsening situation in Zimbabwe. As neither of us really knew what we were talking about we both just ended up standing there shaking our heads muttering about what a scoundrel Mugabe is.
"Yup he's a bud un" says he and then takes a big gulp of tea from his, "Worlds best grandad" mug (cracked).

I sucked on my smoke and replied, "Yup, a bad un for sure."

Then there was silence followed by, "Probably rain again soon."

He sucked on his smoke and replied, "Yup, it'll rain all right."

I'll miss our chats.

In fact I'll be devastated when he goes. Not just because of our dazzling and illuminating repartee, I'm not that starved of conversation but because it will soon mean that the house will be available for rent. This fills me full of terror.

"crazy" students I hate students
fuck off and get a job.

That property has been empty for a very long time. The last tenants left, I assume though I never actually saw them leave, about four years ago. They were odd. You only ever caught partial glimpses of them, a leg as they scuttled into the house, a forehead as they peered out from behind the curtains. You knew they were there but you never got to see them in their entirety, much like the monster from Cloverfield. But without the head ripping and terrorising of Manhattan. That is until the night that the young woman who lived next door found her way into my house. That night she was every bit like the monster from Cloverfield.

I shared the house with my cousin back then. An odd boy for sure but quiet with it, so in many ways he was the perfect person to share with. He didn't bother much with the ladies or rather they didn't bother much with him. So when one literally fell on to his lap in the middle of the night who was he to look a gift horse monster in the mouth?! So the cousin and Ms Cloverfield got it on, as the kids say. This led to much awkwardness and more scuttling over the next few weeks and months as they tried to avoid each other and Mr Cloverfield obviously.

But since then the house has been gloriously empty. But not for much longer. Soon it will be filled, most likely with students. Oh mother of fuck I hope it's not students. But the large extension that now blocks the sunlight from my kitchen says it probably will be. I'd love it just to stay empty but unless I rent it as well as this place that ain't gonna happen.

Like I say I really don't want students living next door to me, especially first year students with their new found freedom and their college grants and loans burning holes in their corduroy pockets. Do students till wear corduroy? I don't know either, or care. Yes first year students from the country would be the worst possible result. No "off" button you see. Everything is conducted at full volume at all times. Why speak when you can shout? Why close the door when you can slam it? Why have a couple of friends round for some drinks when you can invite the whole of your university year group round instead? Why listen to decent music when you can shout/sing along to the Gambler by Kenny Rogers? Oh fuck, I'm frightened.

More Children of the Corn than Dawsons Creek, if you know what I mean

If I could decide you lived next door I would choose, deaf old people. But it's gonna be students. I'd prefer religious students, Buddhist, Christian or Muslim any really, as opposed to students who are religiously annoying. You see there would be no wild parties, lots of early nights, no drinking, no wild sex or even un-wild sex with which to torment me at 3 in the morning, no knocking at the door at 4am by people looking for "Seanies" house, no stealing my bin, no empty beer cans in my backyard, no bodies in my backyard. Oh yes, religious students are the way to go. And as a bonus the sound of their late night praying and chanting etc would be the perfect way to get to sleep. Sure there would be the occasional attempt to convert me but I'd rather that than the hedonistic hell that could be living there.

You can call me a grumpy old bastard if you want, I don't care.

Manuel needs his sleep.

23 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Anonymous said...

grumpy old bastard :P

Sarah Bell said...

I was a student not that long ago but I don't think I was particularly noisy. However the chavy neighbours across the street are playing very loud music again at 1 o'clock in the pissing morning. It actually sounds like U2 are doing a set in their back garden! bastards!!

Flippin' Yank said...

I feel ya! I live in a student house. It was quiet for a month and a half practically had a 5 bedroom house to ourselves then a student decided to move in early. She is having a house party as I type. Annoying Girly giggles, the sound of baby elephants running around the house, a drunken choir singing off the top of their lungs lollipop a god awful song that makes my ears bleed. They must think I am ancient since I am a Tad over 30. Oi vey! It is gonna be a long night.

BTW...there seems to be a trend with these students feigning an English accent? What is that all about?

Anonymous Boxer said...

If you're a grumpy old bastard then I'm a cranky old bitch.

Hello!

Silverstar said...

I feel for you. I spent my student days at home with parental units and later, husband. But I have lived above a disco, and next door to a drug dealer, so I have some idea.

Mudflapgypsy said...

I had a student next door complain to me about the noise I was making at 2pm in the afternoon as they were revising.

Her boyfriend was much larger then me and my housemates were all out. i turnrd the volume down...but it got rather more noisy that evening after I told my housemates what had happened.

Manny, it'll be 5 culshe students from Tyrone who have a deep, deep love of country music and drinking beer after thay come home from the Bot until 5am.

At least they'll go home at the weekends.

MJ said...

I used to live next door to a tavern where the drunks would piss up against my window at closing time.

I'd wake up thinking it was raining.

jen said...

We have a sweet old deaf guy living on one side of us and some student teachers on the other (although they've disappeared for the summer - sheer bliss). The deaf guy is usually noisier - the TV is always cranked up for his favourite shows. Priviledge of age or something.

But first year students? Oh yes, they are a separate breed from hell. (And I used to be one, how quickly we change...) I live in Maynooth, so I'm looking forward to October when a fresh batch of acne-pimpled gobshites roll into town.

Maxi Cane said...

I. Hate. Students. Rent the house yourself and then sub rent it.
It sounds like unnecessary hassle and expense, but think of the greatness it will bring.

paddy said...

I live next to a house that has been occupied by varying packs of students for the last seven years. Its hell, and to top it off at the moment the mob we've got in there are performing arts/drama young wankers. Cue singing showtunes at 3am, crying girls, houseparties that last for two days and hamfisted Coldplay renditions from the resident troubador.One of the little cunts tried to hit me up for a lend of a hat the other day. Annoying little bastard.

jennynib said...

Before I moved to the Glorious Flatlands of Laois, I lived in Dundalk.

I shared a party wall with an attractive single lady with an impressive array of 'beaux'.

These nice gentlemen in their nice cars spaced their visits PRECISELY two hours apart between very specific hours Tuesday - Saturday (well, even whores have a couple of 'rest days'.

I soon became oblivious to the theatrical moaning until one night when a chap in a 'G' reg car pulled up. Sweetie and I were in fits at the larks of them until he said - "Right! That's it! I'm going next door for some pointers!"

So, all things considered, Manuel - it could be worse!! :)

Manuel said...

anonymous: not the first time I've heard that....

sarah bell: chavs are hard to deal with too, very likely to stab you...!

flippin yank: I feel your pain! as for the english accent......who knows?!

boxer: hi ya!

silverstar: drug dealer eh....? that must have been fun!

muddy: yup with gaa bags with their local shop emblazoned on the side.....big red faced lads who drive third hand corollas....night fucking mare

mj: oh sweet jesus......

jen: but aren't they all students of god n all that?

maxi: yes but then who would I lease it too? eh eh eh?

paddy: never a hat borrower or lender be....it's what my grandad always said....

jennynib: dundalk seems fun.....many nice youtubes....!

Maxi Cane said...

I dunno.

I hear students are always on the look out for digs.

Manuel said...

maxi: you don't say!

Medbh said...

Student neighbours are the worst for sure, unless you luck into having a couple, in which case they'll be more likely to be quiet and neighbourly.

The Rantolotl said...

the little bastards really do steal bins, too. Particularly the country types.

jen said...

Think they had about 5 graduates in the god-bothering department at St. Pat's this year. And that was big news because it was three more than last year.

I have no idea what the rest of them at the NUI are doing. But then again, I suspect that they don't have a clue either...

Manuel said...

medbh: i can only hope so........but unlikely....

the rantolotl: makes you wanna cry eh......it;s not good, worrying about regular bin collection etc.......definite sign we are getting old.....

jen: or ever will!

Sweetchuck said...

Not quite a truly accurate depiction of events that night, the 'on' certainly wasn't 'got', you forgot to mention how i had to break into her house as the poor lamb had locked herself out. This feat involved myself leaping from the bathroom roof over the cavernous gorge (yard) to the neighbouring extension and then climbing in through an ajar window. Now given i'm not the most athletic of chaps this was indeed a feat i shall refrain from in future.

Manuel said...

sweetchuck: bwahahahahaha I'd forgotten about that.....

carine said...

Oh Christ on a bike I hear you, I bloody hate students too.

And no, I'm not just bitter because I dropped out (twice) and didn't get my degree.

Bastards.

x

biggearhead said...

Students, recently-graduated upstarts - same thing. I've got rentals immediately across from my house. My neighborhood is near the local nightspots, so I get young people renting those places out all the time. For a while there was a group that started their parties on Wednesday night and continued through Saturday night. Said parties would always culminate with the group on the front lawn babbling, laughing loudly, and then screaming random cuss words at the tops of their lungs. Color me not at all surprised when they disappeared long before their year-long lease would have been up. Hard to go to work when you're hung over four days a week. Bastards.

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