Thursday, 24 July 2008

5,4,3,2,1 make rocket go now.......

Wednesday was fun, I mean what else could it be when you have 80 rocket scientists booked for dinner!? That's right actual rocket scientists. In they shuffled as giddy as politicians in a massage parlour with pockets full of oranges and gimp masks on hand. (Politicians that is, not the geeks) I think they were just happy to be out in public with other people as opposed to sitting in their parents basement listening to math rock whilst chatting online in a Dungeons & Dragons forum.

Gee whizz, do I love a good stereotype, especially a nerd/geek related one.
I've done it before....

5,4,3,2,1...
..."make rocket go now"


...and I'm probably going to do it again!
Like right now.

We are the restaurant of choice for this particular band group petri dish of scientific delight. We had them last year as well. They were very naughty scientists last year as some of them skipped off without paying leaving the leader of the group (and man with very large head) to pay an extra £150 AND someone in his group stole his camera. Bad boffins, very bad boffins. Bad night for super brain too.

But we had plans in place to ensure that this didn't happen tonight. We devised a portable till system, that involved a pint glass and a calculator. Take that slippery boffin types. Your massive intellect is no match for my trusty beer receptacle and Casio calculator.

Mwahahahahahaha!

Saying that my pint glass/calculator system was no match for their ordering system. They had emailed their order in the day before. Standard issue for a table of that size. And the sheet was very clear and mathematically accurate.

It was all going so swimmingly well until we approached the first table of twenty with their starters.

"Who's having the duck to start then?" asked the charming little man festooned with plates of duck confit. (Me)

Blank expressions

At first I put this down to a language difficulty, these boffins were from every corner of the world. Some where even Irish as I discovered when I approached one lady and asked where she was from in my, speaking to foreigners voice. "I'm from Dublin" she replied in her speaking to idiots voice.

Eek!

I persevered, "Duck folks? Anyone having the duck?"

I refused to make "Quack Quack" noises. The duck would go cold before that happened. They stared at me with confused and baffled expressions, I looked back with increasing anger. Ducks are indeed small but when you are carrying four they tend to get heavy after a while. A couple of them shrugged their shoulders, some just looked lost, some looked scared. I looked round to one of the other waiters for some sort of help. Just at that moment one of them came skipping past, fresh from serving her twenty starters with ease.

"What have you got?" She asked

"Kryptonite I think. No one will take these ducks from me!"

"Duck?"

"Duck." I confirmed

"Yeah that's number 2"

"What?"

"Watch and learn old man." And she relieved me of my cooling ducks.

"Who's starting with number 2?"

Four hands went up. Bastards. In front of each of them they had a slip of paper with four numbers on them. Each number related to a menu item. Two appeared to be duck. Only rocket scientists could turn something as wonderful as going to dinner into a mathematical formula. I spent the rest of the evening serving medium rare 9's and 14's with extra cream.

Beware geeks bearing maths formulae!

******

25 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Blondefabulous said...

OMG! And they wonder why Geeks and Rocket Scientists don't get laid!!!!

Oh baby! 4 me. 4 me all night loooooong!!

Manuel said...

blondie: 1001010001010101 me, hehehehehe

Medbh said...

Who transposes food into numbers?
Oh, rocket scientists, I guess.
Did they wear their white lab coats?
And cackle maniacally?

Manuel said...

medbh: no but lots of brown jumpers and corduroy...except the french geeks who were still cool....then again they are French...

Silverstar said...

Eighty rocket scientists? You have my sympathy. I tend to be nerdish, but would want to know what a #2 was before I ordered it. Otherwise you might get calamari or something gross like that.

Manuel said...

silverstar: it worked for them......but they could have told me about it before I went to the table...

bethanythemartian said...

Heh, perhaps they thought you would study before they showed up. Damn scientists, giving you homework.

Manuel said...

bethanythemartian: pfft....didn't study then, ain't studying now....

savannah said...

some people are destined to dine only at buffets, sugar! ;-) xoxoxo

Manuel said...

savannah: perfect for those guys and gals....they don't have to talk to anyone!

Anonymous Boxer said...

I would have quacked. I'd never miss an opportunity to quack. But I understand why in your situation you couldn't.

As long as they calculated the tip properly, I guess it doesn't matter?

Native Minnow said...

It's a well known fact that academics have little to no social skills. It's just magnified when they all congregate like they did at your restaurant.

Ali said...

That's fantastic. I love it.

sheepworrier said...

Did you type 58008 into the calculator and show it to them uspide down? I bet you did.

"Pi is exactly 3!" might've got them excited...

Conan Drumm said...

Hmm, dinner as an algebraic progression, I like it!

Btw, did any of them sine wave for attention?

T Dog said...

that's hilarious!!

but of course the chinese can be like that,
(in your best dublinese "i'll ave the 114, bud"

T Dog said...

as in a chinese restaurant not the race

AnFearBui said...

3 medium rare steaks plus 5 ducks divided by 6 espresso (single or double?).......carry the plates?
I think I'd better stop there, getting a headache.

Manuel said...

boxer: they did, lovely geeks......I was close to quacking up....

minnow: 10100101000110101 as one of them said......

ali: thanks......you should have been there....

sheepo: hahahahahahaha boobs......hehehehe we should have put some pi e on the menu

conan: no, nobody engaged nobody in conversation

t dog: yeah we have all had a 48 with fried rice and a can of fanta.....eh

anfearbui: I had a headache....

daisyfae said...

(sigh) welcome to my world...

oh, and amongst my pervert-nerd friends, we'd have been giggling ourselves silly over "Number Two", which has a different meaning when one speaks "Potty"...

Manuel said...

daisyfae: indeed it does.....now that you mention it someone did titter when the bowls of number 1 were brought out.....

Sweetchuck said...

Are we getting a review of the other night?

Manuel said...

sweetchuck: no.....for so many reasons.....no

B said...

Maybe they had planned that each piece of food assigned to a number then they tossed dice to see who got what?

French scientists are all like Truffaut in Close Encounters of the Third Kind?

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