Kerfuffle Maximus...

I was enjoying a sweet little evening at work, a couple of tables here, a couple of tables there, no fuss no fury when in strode a seemingly charming young woman.

She was all a fluster."Oh hi..." she was rooting through her over sized, DKNY handbag (I knew it was a Donna Karan as there has been much talk of such things in this house recently - magazines left open, web pages book marked, dates circled on all the calenders)

"Hello, are you okay?" I enquired with trepidation. I had a feeling that my sweet little night was about to be brought to a very abrupt halt.

She continued rooting in her bag, ignoring me, until she produced a tiny little mobile phone. It had been ringing but clearly she missed it.

"Damn it....oh sorry..." She was trying to look past me "...I'm joining some other girls...are they here? I'm a bit late!" She continued to peer past me.

"Eh other girls? Eh I don't think I have any tables waiting for any one else. Let me have a look." All my tables were well through their meals at this point and none of them had mentioned that they were waiting for anyone else. I went for a wander anyways, just to satisfy myself. She followed me.

"Do you have another restaurant? Could they be sitting in another place?" She was getting stressed and she kept looking at her phone.

"No. Listen do you have a booking?" I was trying to encourage her back round to the door again as the jangling of her bag, jewelry, and general presence was disturbing the other guests. We weren't at a kerfuffle just yet, but I could feel the early signs of one.

"Do I have a booking? Of course I do."

Oh no you don't.

"And what name is that in madam?" I knew there were no other bookings to come in. But mistakes do get made, not by me, obviously. I checked the booking sheets for the name she gave me.

"Listen I booked this table a month ago, it's Lisa's 30th. I can't believe you don't have it, this isn't good enough."

Kerfuffle time! Her bag was swinging with each of her exaggerated hand movements. She was getting very animated. I was ducking and weaving, I feared one strike from that bag and I was a goner.

"Madam, it's not a problem we can get you a table, now how many is it for?"

"This is just not on! Lisa is going to be so upset, it's her 30th birthday you know?!"

Oh crikey, kerfuffle maximus. Soon there would be demands to see the manager and his free wine selection too no doubt.

"Madam, honestly, it's not a problem, now how many is you table for?"

"There's twelve of us, I'm gonna have to phone Shirley and tell her about this." Her exasperated tone was annoying me. Listen I do the drama round here, not the customers, leave it the professionals.

Okay, lucky Shirley.

"Madam, wait here and I'll get your table set. Two minutes, no more than that."

She hit the phone again, "Shirley, you're not going to believe this? What...Why where are you?"

And off I bounded, safe in the knowledge that my sweet night was indeed over, soon Shirley, Lisa and all the lovely ladies would be here to get overly dramatic about their table not having been set and ready. But as I was dragging the tables together I wondered why the rest of them weren't already here. She said her table was for 8 o'clock and that she was late. It was near half 8 now and she was the only one here.

Not unusual, but certainly odd.

I faked up a big smile and went round to get kerfuffle woman. But what's this? Where is she? She's gone? I assumed she had gone to the bathroom.

I waited.

I waited some more.

And some more again.

My mood was decidedly unhappy. She was taking a the piss alright. The nice women on a nearby table saw me waiting, saw me peering towards the ladies toilet and they called me over. "Christ" I thought they think I'm a pervert.

"Are you waiting for that woman?" asked one of them.

"Yeah, she was waiting for a table." I explained with a sense of relief. Having to defend myself from accusations of being a pervert wouldn't have been fun. And not conducive to good tip making either.

"Yeah I think she's gone" said the other.

"Gone?"

"Yeah she was on her phone then she left, in a hurry."

I wanted to swear, I wanted to swear very loudly but I just said thanks and went back to the booking sheets to stick a very angry cross through her booking. She could have waited to explain herself.

But as I gripped my pen of fury I spotted a message written in red pen over the booking sheet,

"Sorry, wrong restaurant. Tx"

Wrong restaurant? Ha!

Pfft......