Sunday, 25 May 2008

It was a dark and shitty night....

I'm a dark and shitty mood, but then again you probably guessed that from the title. And you really don't want to hear about it. Suffice to say there is a signed, but undated, letter of resignation in my bag. I know it's there and that's enough to keep me happy. Well happyish. If it hadn't been for LMM talking me out of it I wouldn't be a waiter right now. I'd just be a bloke looking for a waiting job. But I'm still a waiter, for now. I reserve the right to leave my options open.


gay
apparently....

Being that I'm in such a shitty mood and all I see is darkness (hows that for drama?) I decided to work the private room tonight. I wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone and as you work that room on our own there would be no chitchat, no small talk, no inane babble, no "did you see that thing on TV about things with things?" type of crap, no babbling, no conversation of any sort. Obviously I would have to interact with the guests but that could be dealt with by being aloof and distant, seems to work for everyone else.

As it happened the guests were bonkers and really didn't notice me except when they needed another "swallie". A swallie (from the word swallow) is a local word that oafs and the friends of oafs use when what they mean to say is, "Excuse me young chap can we get another round of alcoholic beverages please?" But why use 13 when one, pronounced poorly, will suffice.

I knew they were going to be a treat when just after I had delivered the menus and recited the specials one of the thick necked cretins asked if they were "doing starters" to which another muppet with little to no neck replied,

"Nah starters are for fruits." To absolute guffaws of laughter.

Charming I'm sure.

The conversation, and I use that term in the lightest way, was lairy at best and down right vulgar at worst. It mainly consisted of piss poor jokes, most read from mobile phones and a constant stream of double entendres and innuendo. ("You're in who's end mate?" As they would probably say) And when the conversation dried up it was back to the mobile phones again and very questionable videos were passed around.

But I persevered and after clearing their mains away I half heartedly offered them the sweet menu. I reasoned that if they considered starters to be for gay men only then surely sweets would be offensive to their manly man-ness. So I was shocked when they snatched the menus from me as giddily as kids who just eaten all their greens. So there you have it, starters are for "fruits" and delicate chocolate fondants and cheesecake are for heterosexual males who get their jollies to soft porn on their mobile phones.

I fucking despair sometime

Anyone got a pen? I have a letter to date........

But probably wont.

22 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

savannah said...

*hugs* i hope you're feeling better for getting that all out of your system, sugar! because you know tomorrow is another day!
xoxo

daisyfae said...

i seem to type a resignation letter every couple years. 27 years letter, i'm still typing those letters - and working in the same organization. the therapeutic effect, however, has saved lives...

hope things brighten up a bit tomorrow.

Sooz said...

I feel your pain... although I was "made redundant" before I had a chance to date that letter.... But, after 4 weeks of unemployment and slowly drinking myself into an early grave I finally have a new job, and I'm back doing what I do best- cocktail shaking and pint pouring! It'll all get better....

Old Knudsen said...

starters are for fruits

I'm finally glad someone came out and said it.

Just stand there smugly watching the thick necked ex- paramilitaries with their gold chains and sovereign rings and think "Ha yer going to be blog fodder when I get home and you will never know cos computers are for fruits and those who can read."

witchypoo said...

I feel your pain, but as long as your feet hold out, you have a good source of blog fodder.
Sore feet always make me cranky.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I had a bad week too. I sat in my office and thought seriously about just standing up and walking out. What keeps me there is I'd eventually want to come back and I'm too lazy to do all of the groveling/apologizing that would be necessary.

I guess I'm just lazy. And tired.

Keep the faith.

problemchildbride said...

Sounds like a really lousy night, toots. It's too bad they didn't have starters. You could have accidentally knocked one of their mobiles into the soup.
Tomorrow's a better day, with luck.
x

problemchildbride said...

That mussel is watching me. I think it's watching us all.

BK said...

That lot sound like a bunch of circle jerking off duty builders!
Keep your chin up and don't let them grind you down.

Manuel said...

savannah: no......not better at all......

daisyfae: I hate myself for not resigning yesterday.......

sooz: go you!

old k: hahahahahahahaha

witchypoo: feet are fine........it's a long story...

boxer: i'm too lazy to look for a new one.......

sam: shut you clam.......hehehehe.......

bk: Noooooooooo!

bendersbetterbrother said...

If you're thinking of packing the job in because it brings you into contact with small minded people you're working in the wrong country/planet.

Blondefabulous said...

Where the hell do these unintelligent cretins get the cash to rent out your private room???

Once again, people who have no business going to a restaurant that does not posses a mascot consisting of a clown, king, or red pigtailed girl.

jen said...

Sounds like they were a bunch of absolute charmers. Wonder if they act like that around the ladies in their lifes. If they have any, of course. Somehow, I seriously doubt it.

Hope things pick up next week. Sometimes just carrying around that letter is enough to get you through...

savannah said...

check this out, sugar. sounds as if y'all are on the same page! xoxo

Medbh said...

The letter gives you power. You're your own man, Manuel.
Any restaurant would be lucky to have you.
And that crowd needs a fucking smack and a lesson in manners.

Dave said...

Ahhh, Manuel, but did they tip well?

Quickroute said...

Why is it well off people tend to be dicks!?

Manuel said...

bbb: no my current unhappiness isn't related to last night mongrels.....in truth they were a distraction....

blondie: who the fucks knows? eh?

jen: it is you know.....power!

savannah: I know! I found that the other day.....rageilicious....

medbh: and a wash.....leaping with aftershave....

dave: service charge and a bit on top.....not the point.......okay it is.....

quickie: any asshole can have money......class is a different issue...

Native Minnow said...

If desserts are for heterosexual males who get their jollies watching soft core porn videos on their moblie phones, I'm going to need a few more videos on my phone.

Manuel said...

minnow: i'll get you their number then.......hehehe

Mudflapgypsy said...

Moron yobs with money, ah well. You can't pick your customers.

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