Wednesday, 28 May 2008

G is for...


G is for...

...Gastronauts/Gastronomes. Oh. Sweet. Holy. Bonbons. What trip are these people on? Take a foodie and multiply the pontificating, shite talking, quaffing, poking, name dropping, and general snobbishness by a million and you're there. It's good that people care about food and drink and such matters. It's fine to get excited about rare and exotic mushrooms. Eh actually now that I think about it, it's probably not but you know what I mean. But to call yourself a gastronaut or a gastronome just smacks of insecurity. And making yourself sound like an astronaut when you are anything but is just silly. Honestly, get a grip.

it's also for...

...Gastropub. First there were packets of crips, nuts, and pork scratchings, maybe the occasional bar offered jars of cockles and mussels. Then came pies, sausages and burgers all served with chips and all from the freezer. But this wasn't enough for the foodies and gastronauts of this world. So along came the gastropub. Yippee! Really? Yes yippee for the gastropub. Yes it's a terribly silly word for a pub that serves decent food. But the quality of food in bars has improved beyond all recognition in the last ten to fifteen years. But now every bar is calling itself a gastropub and the whole thing has gone horribly wrong. Serving food in a stack in the middle of the plate or showering it with a balsamic reduction does not make it good or in anyway gastro. Stop it.

and...

...Gin and Tonic. Gawd bless the juniper berry and Gawd bless the crazy Dutch who first added them to white grain spirit to create what we now know as Gin. And as you'll all know by now I am a great big fan of Gin. But ironically I detest gin drinkers. You can spot them the moment they walk into the restaurant, 50+, touch of tweed or fur, gold but not bling, and when you ask them what they want to drink they almost always check their watches - smile at each other - and then say, "It's gin o'clock." Now if that's all they did I wouldn't be so down on them. But gin drinkers tend to be pains in the arses. Maybe it's their age, maybe it's the gin. I don't know. All I know is that if you have to get them a G & T in the first round then the next two hours are going to be tough. There are lots of Gins out there I recommend Bombay Sapphire (workday gin), Martin Millers (lunch gin), and Tanqueray or Plymouth for nighttime's and weekends. Gin, not only mothers ruin but my ruin too.

as well as...

...Goats Cheese. When one of the two vegetarian options runs out in any restaurant the chef will seek the peculiar delights of goats cheese. Slice it, whack it on a plate with salad leaves, tomatoes and onions and anything else that can be found rolling around in the fridge, serve it, charge a tenner and Bob's your uncle. Personally I wouldn't be standing for it if I was a salad botherer, but I'm not so what do I care. But you should see their little withered faces when you plonk it down in front of them. If they had the strength they'd fight back but they cant so they don't. Goats cheese is awful and should be shunned. Goat curry is nice though. Nah I'm only kidding. Kidding? Genius.

and not forgetting...

...God. Who's that then? What's the difference between God and a chef? God doesn't walk about the restaurant thinking he's a chef. Boom Boom. But seriously though, get over yourselves lads. If anyone is a made up deity around the restaurant it's me. And I forgive no sins but do move in a mysterious way.

26 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

G is for gutted fellow gin drinker

bendersbetterbrother said...

What's the difference between a happy gin drinking 35 yr old and a miserable, cantankerous, gin drinking 50 yr old. Don't know? I'll give you 15 years to work it out.
And they say drugs are bad...

Sooz said...

Can't believe you dissed goat's cheese!! I love the stuff.... But not thrown on a plate with salad like that- I like a good old goat's cheese tart myself, but I suppose I'd rather have a big bloody steak set in front of me any day!

savannah said...

gin...yes, yes, yes! g for glorious!
xoxox (bombay blue sapphire, yes, but plymouth is my personal favorite)

BK said...

Gin and goats cheese is my idea of Guantanamo, bluuuurrrrghhhhh!

Blondefabulous said...

Ghetto-ade.

That which is made by the lower classes here in the US. Take one free glass of water, add juice squeezed from the complimentary bowl of lemons your waiter brings to the table, add sweetner of your choice already found in the condiments on the table and voila! Ghetto-ade!

I HATE people who do this!

Twenty Major said...

Gin & Tonic, ice, slice of orange. The best.

Can I add Hendricks to your list, its most good, most good indeed.

sheepworrier said...

"If they had the strength they'd fight back" - heh, silly meat dodgers.

G&T - nice summery drink, but I'll stick to the whiskey.

Manuel said...

ellie: why so gutted......why?

bbb: ha!

sooz: of course you would......!

Savannah: awh bless the plymouth.........mmmmmmmm

bk: here's your jumpsuit..........

blondie: oh classy for sure.......our lot just bring their own booze hidden in their bags etc......really classy......

twenty: hendricks is indeed good........more of a cucumber man all the same........is there any such thing as a cucumber man? eek.....

sheepo: you wanna buy a bottle of special blah blah bushmills?

sheepworrier said...

Manuel: Its worth £50 - I'll give you a tenner and a 'special hug'...

Conan Drumm said...

Now, why am I not surprised you didn't include Garcon! in the list...

Mudflapgypsy said...

"Salad botherer....If they had the strength they'd fight back".

Hmmph...Come and have a go etc!

Falling into the stereotype bollox again, eh, can't think of anything witty to write (for once)?

I do agree on the offering of a largelump of goats cheese as a "meal". I may like it but I will travel to find a chef with the talent to see beyond limitations.

Sheepo - silly meat dodgers?

I could construe that a certain way you know. ;-)

Caro said...

Is it gin o'clock yet? Please say yes.

Manuel said...

sheepo: how special.......actually don't answer that....

conan: pfft........(damn it forgot)

muddy: hehehehehehee......so easily wound up......ah bless......

caro: no.......after 5.......anything before makes you a drunk......nice

Medbh said...

Goat cheese is nasty alright.
It smells like dirty feet.

problemchildbride said...

The word gastropub always makes me feel a bit queasy. It suggests acids and stomachs and belching. There's enough of all that in pubs as it is.

I do love the feeling of kinship when you meet another gin drinker. Some people says it tastes like perfume but a little bashing around the head with a brick soon puts paid to that. Right then, I like the solidarity I feel with other ginnies. We are certainly the most temperate of the spirit-drinkers.

And we're so interesting! we come in so many stripes! Some, like Twenty there, like it with orange, some lemon, some lime, some like it in front of the football, some love it high on a mountain in a Force 8 gale. I like it while I'm receiving important prizes for my great humanity, although I haven't had a chance to try that yet. Bit busy, see.

O the colourful tapestry of gin drinkers!

sheepworrier said...

Gin drinkers are all either mentalists or on their merry, gin-soaked way to becoming mentalists...

Manuel said...

medbh: bad cheese......very bad cheese...

sam: I know, who would have thought twenty was a gin drinker.....

sheepo: and? it's good to have a hobby.....

Michelle said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only who is NOT a fan of goat's cheese!

G is for Good Riddance!
or Glorious post.

Manuel said...

michelle: welcome! glorious post? Awh thanks for that......

ellie said...

Gutted because ......." I am a great big fan of Gin. But ironically I detest gin drinkers"

Manuel said...

ellie: aye but you'd be okay.....I know you would....

carine said...

G is for...Gloags London Dry Gin - do you remember that? You never see it anywhere these days but that was a tasty gin indeed.

Hendricks though... mmm.

x

Manuel said...

Carine: Gloags? Never heard of it! Google time......

Mudflapgypsy said...

Manny - bored and ranting for the pure fun of it. Ta for letting me get it out. You know, you should get a govt grant for providing a public service!

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