Friday, 15 February 2008

Manuel and the strange case of the missing M's

I am officially giving up on St Valentine's night at work. It's a total waste of time and effort. The place looked great, actually I think the only word is fabulous! But did anyone care? I doubt it.Did anyone care about the carefully selected "love" tunes that wafted through the restaurant? I doubt it. Did anyone pass comment on the wonderful food and sexy service? Did they fuckity fuck! They sat there with glum faces and you could have cut the passive aggressive tension with a knife and serve it with hot buttered toast.
But that's not what has me vexed tonight.

No, tonight I wanna know what happened to my missing M's!
Six tables failed to show up tonight.

They were all booked for 8pm.

They were all tables for two.

And all the surnames began with the letter M!

Now that is spooky! Seriously how fucking odd is that? Now I know it could be coincidence. But lets set reason and rationality to the side for a moment shall we. I know the internet is full of whack job conspiracy theories; 9/11 was an inside job, Area 51, Pan Zionist Alliances, the CIA created AIDS, George Bush is an alien. Actually I think that one is true. But who am I to ignore this great world wide web of bullshit? I should add to it!

So here is what I think happened to my missing M's.
  1. M is for murder, murder most horrid! Maybe they all got whacked as the mafia and wannabe gangster types like to say. Lets be honest St Valentine's day has previous for massacres.
  2. M is for mistresses. Maybe the tables were all booked by men who were planning on taking their mistresses out tonight but got caught by their wives who put an end to their shenanigans.
  3. M is for missing. Maybe they got lost. It could happen.
  4. M is for messing about. Could a prankster be at his work? Could someone have maliciously filled the restaurant with fictitious tables? Maybe another restaurant, maybe a lazy assed chef? Mmmmmmmm!
  5. M is for marriage crisis. They could all have had fights and decided not to share the love at all and sit in and stew the night away.
Or maybe just maybe they couldn't have been arsed. They could have phoned all the same. M is really for Me, Manuel, Missing cash, and Mithered again on St Valentine's Day........

25 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Ex-Restaurant Manager said...

It's an 'old wive's tale' that Valentine's Day is big bucks for restaurants and the servers. It's all two tops who camp for hours. No tables turned and everyone is super-critical. The only redeeming aspect is making fun of the couples; i.e., "What does he see in her?", or "He must have money to be out with a woman like that", etc.

Manuel said...

ex-rm: welcome! that is so true..plus I like t look for the affairs....they are normally having more fun than everyone else.....

savannah said...

amateur night, sugar! that's we always call it ;-)
happy van halentines afterglow!

thank you for the surprise, too1 ;-)

psychicgeek.com said...

That bites. But hey! You smell good and your site looks mighty purdy!
Now I have to take a new screenshot to show you off on my blogroll.
Say cheese.

daisyfae said...

Mmmmmm - very interesting!

One minor correction to your assumption: George Bush is actually a puppet, with the souless, alien, robotic hand of Dick Cheney up his ass.

There. I feel bette.

sheepworrier said...

Maybe they just got down to some sweet, sweet loving, and as much as we plebs all hold you in such high regard Manuel, there's just no real contest there...

Manuel said...

savannah: Awh glad you liked em! better than the last set......

pgeek: hold on til I do my hair.......

daisyfae: ah see, you americans, always one step ahead.......

sheepo: I beg to differ......two hours of manuel compares very well to a 20 minutes shuffle under the sheets......

sheepworrier said...

I dunno Manuel - its not like you're devoted to us for 2 hours. I've seen you hooring about those other tables in your section, plying us with compliments and witty one-liners one minute, and doing the exact same to another table the next.

It hurts.

sheepworrier said...

...and 20 mins!? What marathon are you running?

Conan Drumm said...

I blame the chef(s). They wanted a quiet night and know that very few people will attempt to dine on spec, ie without a booking, on V's night. Cherchez le Chef!

Gypsy said...

I'm with Sheep Worrier on this (classic name btw). I think they just got busy and forgot their appetite, well their appetite for food anyway. You wouldn't call a restaurant in the middle of doing the wild thing would you Manuel? Long, long live love....

Caro said...

It was you, wasn't it, you lazy sod...

MJ said...

It was Manuel. In the Dining Room. With a Spanner.

Native Minnow said...

M is for Masochism. Maybe they got "tied up".

Medbh said...

We usually go out the night after or before to avoid all the special menus.
Your six missing tables sounds like a prank or something, Manuel. How many people cancel Valentine's day?

INNER VOICES said...

m is for masturbation. sounds like what you were doing with all those empty tables. perhaps that is what your clients decided to do as well. cheaper than dating!

Bender's Better Brother said...

It's not that big of a puzzle manuel. Everbody's name starts with an M. Mr, Mrs. Ms.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm going with they all had big fights and decided they weren't going to sit amongst happy people.

Or, it was the Chef. In the Kitchen. With the meat clever.

Manuel said...

sheepo: not true! I was always think of you.....

conan: they haven't the wit......

gypsy: still no excuse....

caro: hell no....I love the money too much...

mj: hehehehe

minnow: as above

medbh: heard from another restaurant that they had 8 tables no show! so go figure eh....

voices: ah self love....

bbb:that's so poor......tut tut tut

boxer: I'm with the sex thing......they all just go a better offer.......

nursemyra said...

coincidences are funny things. when we get a rash of deaths (that's 3 in a row) at the gimcrack I always look for a common factor (so I usually can find one).

sometimes it'll be first letters of names, other times rooms ending in the same numbers such as 515,615,715 or 3 patients all on the same ward. we had three "Bobs" die in one week back in 2003. that was creepy.

RedLeeroy said...

Mmmmmm. Very strange.

Manuel said...

red: man it was weird......but then again moist st val's nights are weird....

B said...

what the funk?

this post!

it's from the future!

Manuel said...

b: it's from the past actually.....reposted as a warning.....

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