Saturday, 16 February 2008

Eddie update...and it's a shocker...

The only thing stranger than 6 tables of 2 not showing up on the same night is all my tables showing up as expected, which they did tonight. In they marched on queue, smartly turned out, said please and thank you, ordered well, tipped better and left without having to be lifted by the scruff and chucked onto the street.

It was all quite shocking!

It was as if I had crossed into bizarro restaurant.

But it wasn't the only shocking revelation of the night!

Oh hell no....
don't cry
a new man whore will be along soon...

Brace yourselves...

...for I have news of such great importance and significance,

news that shocked even me,

ladies and gentlemen, I'm not sure how to break this to you....I'll just come right out and say it.....that's the best way...like pulling off a plaster, quickly, it will sting for a minute but we can deal with it.....together...

Eddie, the gentleman whore, is getting married.

There I've said it. I'll repeat it for anyone who didn't quite get that, Eddie our in house man whore, the man who will move on anything, hell he'll move on anything even if it isn't moving, he'll hit on it until it moves, is engaged to be married.

I'm chuffed for him, I really am. But it does leave us with one large man whore shaped hole that needs filled. (lovely image eh?) It is the law that every bar/restaurant/hotel must have a whore. Eddie was ours. So if Eddie is retiring from active service who can take his place? Someone needs to be able to take the harmless flirting to the next level. If we have no one to perform such a role we are in danger of losing credibility.

Eddie was the perfect man whore as he had a touch of tact and subtlety about him. He wouldn't kiss/shag and tell. And damn it he got the job done. There aren't any obvious candidates to take his place. The next most obvious candidate just got married, so he's out, well hell he better be. With Eddie now in line for matrimonial bliss that brings the total engaged at work to seven out of a staff of about 30. And every last one of them is under 30, hell most of them are under 25.

Good grief!

There should be a law against being married before you are 30. Or am I just bitter? Hard to say...

There are two more chaps in line for this most important of positions but they are young and lack the finesse that the role deserves. Ready to know the ways of the Jedi man whore they are not. Clark Kent is eager enough and has shown lots of promise but is too ready to spill the beans after. Nobody needs or wants to know! So he needs to be schooled. Eddie needs to guide him and take him under his man whorish wing. Maybe he can run some sort of training course. Day one "flirting", day two "sweet love making", day three "acting like nothing happened whilst still being friends."

Work will be a stranger place without finding Eddie out on the back stairs whispering sweet nothings into the ear of a charming young/old woman. Huzzah for the woman who changed Eddie from a man whore to just a man! As Eddie is a rock child I foresee the wedding being something akin to the video for "November Rain" by GnR. Quality.......

So rest easy, our man whore king is dead.....but there will be another along presently......please form an orderly queue.

16 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Bender's Better Brother said...

Right, weirdly several couples all with names starting with M don't show up at 8 on the 14th. Then a day later (that'd be the 15th) Eddie comes in to work and tells you he's going to get married, which he must have prompted the day before.

I see what's happened. Eddie must be a love magnet. The fifth element. Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and ....Eddie (not exactly Mila Jovovich but there you go).Where he is, the love is. When he's not there, the love's not there. Clearly Eddie's powers are becoming stronger. You want to watch that.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'd like to nominate Old Knudsen for the soon to be vacated position.

Would you second that M, are do you want to keep him for yourself?

Quickroute said...

Look, I hate to solve the mystery and suspense this early but the real story is Eddie got a better paid job in the Macari's chipper in Raheny. He's on a 3 month trial and if it doesn't work out he'll be back, so everybody just calm down now! b.t.w. 20% off chips & batter burgers when you mentioning welldonefillet.com

MJ said...

Knudsen shags and tells so he's out of the race.

Gypsy said...

Sounds like your restaurant currently has a curse hanging over it. What self respecting man whore gets MARRIED. That defies all logic and quite frankly flies in the face of his job description.

Sweetchuck said...

Excellent post Manuel, chuckle i did.

Knudsen only fucks dead people and animals.

Manuel said...

bbb: if sleaze was the fifth element then you'd be on to something....

boxer: he's a talker and you know it....

quickroute: welcome....hahahhaha Eddie doesn't do batter.....

mj: that's what I say too....you couldn't trust him

Gypsy: I KNOW! beyond words....

sweetchuck: there's a lot of it about as you will know.....

Conan Drumm said...

Bring MJ over, how could Eddie resist her at your best table for one?

Anonymous Boxer said...

like Gentlemen Whore didn't BLOG about it?

I think you want him, Manuel.

MJ said...

Conan Drumm,
Show me your bum.

C'mon Conan. Send me a pic of your comely Irish arse.

If Manuel has the balls to do it, so can you.

Conan Drumm said...

MJ, I'm not sending my bum to Canada it's already been there, it left an impression somewhere in Sthn Ont. And no way was that Manuel's arse.

Medbh said...

My brother was a man whore who settled down many years ago. He's been a model husband and father ever since.
It can happen.

MJ said...

Conan: I'm originally from southern Ontario. You mean that huge indentation in the ground was caused by your arse? Not by a meteor?

G'won. Send me a pic.

It would increase your chances of being the new man whore.

nursemyra said...

would you like me to test drive your best applicant for the position?

Old Knudsen said...

I printed off yer woman's face and cut a hole in her mouth, cheers mate.

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