Saturday, 12 January 2008

"I would be depressed without my hair"

I've been working all day. Ok that's pushing it a bit, I've been at work all day. Being at work all day I missed all the big news stories. You know what it's like, the world could go to war and I'd miss it. And I'm obsessed with the news. I have BBC News 24 on all day. Sad really, but I hate missing out on breaking news stories.....especially if my cousin hears something big before me. Very sad. But I did miss 3 big stories today....

Like the couple who got married only to discover that they were twins who had been separated at birth. If the first word out of your mouth isn't "eeeewwwwww" then there is something wrong with you. Oh to be a fly on the wall when they got that phone call. And how does that even come up in conversation?

"Hey hon, you know the way people keep saying we look alike"

"Mmmm what's that sugarpie?"

"I'm just saying, people keep saying we look very similar. Do you think....eh....um.....that maybe....you know what with us both having been adopted"

"No darling.....well.....no.....couldn't be......I mean......like what are the chances? And that birthday thing is just coincidence.....that's what we always said......coincidence right.......coicidence"

"Yeah, yeah you're right......I'm sure you're right......." Doubt sets in and before you know it you're asking a judge for an annulment.

Cheeeerist on a bike that's gotta mess with your noodles for quite a long time. I'm not having a laugh at their expense, honest I'm not. But sweet roast potatoes how do you ever get over that?

I also missed the winner of this year's UTTER BASTARD OF THE YEAR Award, I know it's only the 12th of January but if anybody beats this bed wetter to it I will eat my own ass. One for the Road carries it in full. You must click and read. YOU MUST! Beyond words and contempt.

The human condition is a fragile one of that there is no doubt. People break their own hearts, others have theirs broken for them. But the story of the day, a heart breaking tale of a 15 year old school boy, really shows the human condition for what it is, self centred bullshit.

Grant Stranaghan is a GCSE student at Ballyclare High. He was suspended last year for three days for................refusing to get his hair cut. The utter bastard. And now, good people, it's gone to court. Not some kids court thingy or some sort of school committee masquerading as a court, but to an actual court with an actual judge and lawyers and people with stern expressions who say "M'lad" a lot and "If it may please the court....". Mr Justice Weatherup was asked by the school's lawyers to say its code of conduct on pupils' appearance was lawful. The lawyers for hippy, as I'm sure he gets called at school, will argue that he is being sexually discriminated against and that his human rights are being inFRINGED, you cant make this shit up.

"I would be depressed without my hair"
Grant Stranaghan
hahahahahahahahahaha

I'm sure Mr Justice Weatherup got to work this morning and said, "What the fuck?" and had a look around his chambers for the team from Candid Camera. I'm sure he expected the man with the withered hand to pop out and tell him it was all just a jolly jape and in fact he would be sitting in on a nice assault with a deadly weapon case instead. But no, in Northern Ireland in 2007 we are having court cases about whether or not some wee lad should get his lovely flowing locks sheared or not. It's times like this I miss the old days of supergrass trials and people shouting political slogans as they are lead away for 30 years (cut to 5 thanks to the good friday agreement.)

Since Grant went public with his hairy problem life ain't been easy. He was assaulted by boys with short hair who tried to cut his hair. That's what Belfast is like in this post-troubles era folks. The hairdressers roam the streets with impunity mercilessly trying to give people hair cuts. Can't kneecap them any more! Grant has also been chucked out of his class as well. He's been banished to a cupboard or a store room or something like that on his own. His dad calls it solitary confinement. Probably a bit over the top there Mr Stranaghan. And one on one tuition? Good grief some people pay a fortune for that sort of thing.

The Belfast Telegraph said the case "could have massive legal implications for schools across Northern Ireland." Really? Could it? You mean kids may not have to wear uniforms anymore and can grow their hair any way they want. Nightmare. Oh what will become of the country? The very fabric of society will crumble, and a spotty teenager from Rathcoole will be to blame. Or not as the case may be.

And where, I hear you ask, does Manuel stand on the whole issue? One part of me says just get your haircut, suck it up for a year and leave when you are 16 and go to a college and hey you can grow your hair down to your ass then if you want. The other part of me says well done fella, stick it to the man. I mean look at all the kids with short hair and tracksuits and cannabis leaf gold jewelry, they are just fantastic members of society. But the really big part of me says.......I just don't care......

I just don't want to find out in ten years time that LMM is my long lost twin sister...........

24 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

What a twat yer man the emailer was. I can see recruitment agencies queuing up to register him.

And the ugly boy who thinks his hair looks cool obviously is a chip off the old block.

I feel all superior now. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

lol i had a similar issue in high school, rebel without a cause. i got my hair cut, my made made his into dereadloack and got expelled ofr a week. good times.
i do admire bed wetters style if he had approached it right he could have beena hard nosed cunt, instead he comes off as a piss arsed fuckwit.
it does hoever highlight just how big a shower of cunts the advertising world can be when they wanna.

guess what im studyin to be...lol

Niall said...

lol i sense resentment manuel...... i can talk im balding like a goodun! i hate advertising types. thats y im studying to be a graphic designer... desining advertising.... yea that will show em

Gypsy said...

I wonder how the twins found out? OMG that would seriously make me vomit. How the hell do you get past something like that? I'm thinking monastery or convent might be the go.

The guy with the hair....don't like it but I say stick it to them. What a ridiculous case of overreaction. Do you have a dearth of real criminals over there cos we can send you some of ours and I know how much you love Aussies :)

elly parker said...

Seeing as that rule has been in place in Ballyclare High School for over 18 years now (at least since I started there in 1989 anyway), perhaps he has just been the first person to challenge it.

Why on earth should the school be able to control the length of your hair? But at BHS, it's not just that:
* Girls with hair that length MUST wear it tied back.
* Only gold stud earrings are allowed.
* Only 1 ring/bracelet per girl.
* Only navy or black coats and school scarves can be worn.

It's also amazing however that the school will let some people get away with breaking these rules, but will punish students they don't like. The Head Boy in my year hd his hair just as long and was never spoken to, but perhaps that was because he played sports for NI teams and got A-levels enough to send him to Oxford - the dual standards have always existed.

In my final years I was walking a mile and half to get to that school each day - and in the dark because it was winter. I refused to wear a navy/black coat because it was downright dangerous - drivers had no hope of seeing me in dark colours. I wore light coloured jackets and a non-school-issue scarf (the scarves were expensive and made from scratchy wool).

The school decided that they had a right to tell me what to wear when I wasn't in the school and confiscated my coat and scarf. Both myself and my parents appealed to the school to changes these rules on 1) safety grounds and 2) the fact that outside school is outside school, but they refused to change the rules.

I did get my coat and scarf returned and I continued to wear them, but would arrive onto the steps of the school and go through a contrived pantomime each morning in front of the teacher on duty taking them off - they couldn't confiscate them that way.

I can see why a school chooses to have uniforms, I wore mine for 14 years of schooling, but BHS has always been way too extreme in their interpretation of this.

I wish Grant and his parents all the best and I hope that they win the case. If they do, it will effect a positive change that will have an effect on over 1200 students.

MJ said...

The couple should move to Sweden where it's legal for brothers and sisters to marry.

There. I've solved another of the world's problems.

Now if only the Irish would stop running with scissors.

Manuel said...

bbb: some reckon it was a suicide note.....fingers crossed

niall: me? resentful? never! I had fun with my hair when I had it......I abused my hair tbh

gypsy: we have lots of yours.....most of them are working in bars....as for the twins eeeeeewwwwwww

elly parker: welcome....no offense but Ballyclare isn't renowned for it's liberal thinking and freedom of expression.....but the school are being very fascist about the whole thing.....idiots

mj: The new Kofi Annan........

ellie said...

About the adopted twins, would you not note the fact that you were both adopted and both born on the same day in the same year?
Perhaps a bit of investigation before the marriage would have lead them back to the same hospital and the entrance to the same womb.
Twins are weird anyway!

yoyo said...

I would SO do the guy with the long hair. Seriously. I would do *everything* to him.

Manuel said...

ellie: they must have thought something was a bit odd......must have

yoyo: really? like really? really really? I'm gonna have to read your blog again.....

Nick said...

I'm rooting for a stay of execution on the long hair. What the hell has long hair got to do with studying? It also amazes me that they'll jump on something petty like that when most NI schoolgirls wear microskirts verging on indecency and nobody bats an eyelid. Double standards for sure.

Medbh said...

Have you seen a picture of the twins, Manuel? They must have some kind of resemblance to one another. Ack.

That drama queen should never, ever be a parent. He also appears to hate women.

Most teens want to do silly things with their hair to assert their identity. Hardly a crisis. Such a waste of resources to address it.

OneForTheRoad said...

long hair>>>>>>>>>>>>short hair.

I may have short hair now, but by jesus it was long when I was in my prime!

Medbh said...

Heehee!
Look at this. Some guy dressed as a priest got caught with 3 kilos of cocaine which he claimed was "holy sand."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/01/12/priest.drugs/index.html

yoyo said...

"I just don't want to find out in ten years time that LMM is my long lost twin sister..........."

oooh, Oooh, I forgot to comment on this bit. Does this mean that there may be a wedding in the forseable future?!

*squeels*

yoyo said...

Oh, dammit, forgot to mention, about reading my blog? Dont bother, untill I get past the "OMG i ate a WHOLE tictac today!" type entry it's pretty much just trite.

Medbh said...

Or how about this story about the guy in Poland who went to a brothel and discovered his wife working there?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22571847/

upset waitress said...

Wow, you just described my fantasy! NOT. Haha. Well not really haha. But still.

nursemyra said...

I wandered over here from upset waitress's site.

apparently you're funny and you like corsets. you'd fit in well at the gimcrack (we do corsets every friday).

Old Knudsen said...

If he had nice non-greasey hair I'd say fight it. Put him into the army.

sheepworrier said...

That email has to be a fake.

The student is a twat, and his parents even more so.

The twin thing is only acceptable if they're both hot females, and even then its still ewwww.

I love late comments...

Manuel said...

sheepo: nobody, least of all me, reads em.....but I'm starting to think you are right about that email....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Gah, missed the rush on this.

I went to that school and a guy in the year above me was suspended for (alleged) inappropriate hairlength back in the early 80's.

His was under a millimetre long having shaved his head completely. It did present the school with a conundrum as he was their champion sprinter. Rules is rules, eh?

We used to be spot checked to see if we were wearing whitye socks or if we had badges..behind our lapels..

To say I don't miss the place would be a gross understatement.

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