Monday, 28 January 2008

I need answers.......


  1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
  2. Have you ever done a runner?
  3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?
  4. Have you ever sent the wine back?
  5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
  6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
  7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
  8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
  9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
  10. Do you fill in the comment card?
  11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
  12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?
  13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?
  14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
  15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
  16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
  17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?
  18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
  19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
  20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?
  21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
  22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
  23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?
  24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?
  25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
  26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
  27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
  28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
  29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?
  30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
  31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?
  32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?
  33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?
  34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
  35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?
  36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?
  37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?
  38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?
  39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
  40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?
  41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
  42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?
  43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?
  44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
  45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?
  46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
  47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?
  48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?
  49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?
  50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
You must answer.......or I'll turn this into a meme ha..........!

86 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ellie said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? NO
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Are you joking, that might give them reason to spit in m soup
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES anything to avoid confrontation
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) NO
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? NO but I did throw a pint over a shitfaced husband
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? YES I used to have a collection of glasses from bars and restaurants as reminders of a good night out. Sad eh?
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? NO
10. Do you fill in the comment card? NO
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? NO
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? NO but I did once find a bit of finger nail in a drink in a bar, yurned my stomach over but still didn't complain
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO Am I missing something here?
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?NO COMMENT
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? NO
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? NO
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? NO
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? NO
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? NO
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? NO but I would!
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? NO
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? YES
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? NO, I usually order just using the name of the main ingredient
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Oh yes!
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? NO
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? NO!
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? NO
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? NO
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? YES
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Never suspected but have worried about offending just in case
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? NO
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? NO
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?NO
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? NO
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? NO
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? YES
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? NO but now I'm gonna be paranoid
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? NO
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Never gave it much thought
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? YES
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? YES
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? NO
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? NO Thank God!
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? NO but then I wouldn't go unless I had an idea of the place before hand

Manuel said...

Ellie: You are a legend.......

Medbh said...

Oh, dear jeebus, the questions, the questions!
I will leave it for now.

As an aside, Omar is back in the 'hood and I'm waiting for him to kill Marlo and all his peeps.
Yay, Omar!

Manuel said...

OMAR! Omar would answer the questions.....and he would do it with style......

bendersbetterbrother said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? YES, NOT ENOUGH MONEY
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO, BUT IT HAS HAPPENED THE OTHER WAY ROUND, LYING INCOMPETENT BASTARDS. I BEAR NO GRUDGES
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? YES, YOU WANT TO SEE THE LOOK YOU GET WHEN THAT HAPPENS. THE 18 YR OLD SPOTTY KID TURNS INTO OZ CLARK IN 10 SECONDS AND TELLS YOU NO-ONE ELSE COMPLAINED. THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE BOTTLE YOU JUST SERVED ME, FUCKWIT
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES, DON'T WE ALL?
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) NO. WELL, APART FROM THE WAITRESS I WAS GOING OUT WITH WHO SAT ME DOWN IN A QUIET SPOT ONE NIGHT I CALLED IN AND KEPT COMING OVER TO KISS ME. THE OTHER GUESTS' FACES WERE A DELIGHT
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? I'VE GOT SOME THAT WAS INTENDED FOR SOMEBODY ELSE, WASN'T VERY HAPPY
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? GLASSES AND ASHTRAYS, I THOUGHT THEY WERE INCLUDED ?
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? NOT OUT LOUD. ACTUALLY, YES WITHIN EARSHOT BUT NOT TO THEIR FACE. DESERVED DUE TO RUDENESS
10. Do you fill in the comment card? ONLY IF I CAN POST IT IN, IF NOT AND THEY EXPECT ME TO FILL IT IN WITHOUT ANONYMITY, NO. AND THERE SHOULD BE A FREE DRAW EVERY WEEK IF THEY EXPECT ME TO TAKE MY TIME TO FILL ONE OF THOSE IN TO HELP THEM
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? YES AND SOMETIMES MY CASH
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? YES, TOO MANY TIMES. SEND IT BACK AS SOON AS I NOTICE IT THOUGH. GLUGGING A MOUTHFUL OF FREE WINE ISN'T MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN GETTING HERPES. AND DON'T YOU GUYS BOTHER CHECKING THESE THINGS WHEN YOU SET THE TABLE.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? WHAT? YEAH, 'COS I WANT A CHEAP WHITE SHIRT WITH INDELIBLE STAINS THAT'S THREADBARE ROUND THE COLLAR
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? ONLY WITH OTHERS, SHOULD I BE FIDDLING WITH MYSELF TOO?
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO, NOR HIM ME
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? YES, GUESS THE TIP AND MESS LEFT AFTER THAT
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? YES, BUT USUALLY BECAUSE OF REALLY LONG DELAYS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT TO ME
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? YES
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? YES, I WISH I'D LAMPED HIM
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? NOT QUITE THOUGH I HAVE SUGGESTED THINGS LIKE EMPLOYING STAFF WHO AREN'T SURLY AND USE DEODORANTS
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO, BUT I'VE MOVED MYSELF TWICE TO GET A BETTER SEAT. IT WENT DOWN WELL
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? YES
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? WHEN AWAY ON WORK, STILL LOOKS SAD. HAPPENED A FEW WEEKS AGO AND I WANTED THE TABLE OF AIR HOSTESSES NEXT DOOR TO INVITE ME TO JOIN THEM SO I COULD REGALE THEM WITH MY SPARKLING WIT. ACTUALLY, I MIGHT HAVE BEEN A STAGE OR TWO FURTHER ON IN MY HEAD...
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? ONLY IN HIS DREAMS
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? NO
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? USED TO, AND WORSE
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? NO. IS THAT A EUPHAMISM?
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? YES, DIDN'T GET ME ANYWHERE
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? OH FUCK, YES.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? ONLY IF STILL WAITING FOR THE FOOD
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? I NEED THEM SLOW, THEN REPEATED AGAIN ANYWAY
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? YES, AND SENT IT BACK
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? YES
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? LATELY, NOW I WANT THE CARD DOOFER BROUGHT TO ME, HEARD TOO MANY TALES OF CARD CLONING OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO, BUT SHOULD HAVE
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? NO
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? YES, SEE 31
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? GET AWAY T' FUCK
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? YES
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? AGAIN?
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? YES, AND LOST MY PHONE
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? IF IT MUST..
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? NO, I'VE ALREADY BEEN FED AND WATERED
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? YES
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? PERHAPS I'M NOT EASILY EMBARRASSED
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? YUP
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? NO. I DON'T MIND PAYING FOR NICE FOOD

Old Knudsen said...

nononononononononoyesnononoyesyesnononononoyesnonoyesyesyesnonononononono
yesnoyesnonoyesnoyesyesnoyesyesnoyesnonoyes

I hope that answers yer questions.

bc said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
No, but I've tipped a lot of servers who should have been stiffed. I'm a wuss.

2. Have you ever done a runner?
No

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?
No

4. Have you ever sent the wine back?
Yes

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
Yes

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
Yes

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
At a bar, but not at a restaurant

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
Sugar packets on occasion. No reason for it, just sheer larceny.

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
Good lord, no.

10. Do you fill in the comment card?
If the service has been really great.

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
Yes, once, and it's made me paranoid ever since.

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?
Not really. If I see lipstick or other gluck I get a fresh glass immediately.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?
What? That's such a weird question.

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
No.

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
Yes. With someone, each time.

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
No.

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?
No.

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
No, but if it was bad I've seen the manager and tried to work something out.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
Yes

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?
Not in my presence.

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
No, but I might next time. Good idea.

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
Yes. Just once, when frigid air was blowing down the back of my neck in the first two booths. It was embarrassing and next time I'll just be cold. The waiter hated us.

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?
No.

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?
Yes. It's lonesome. I've done it a lot. The waiter makes or breaks the experience by either being a condescending jerk or helping you to enjoy the whole thing.

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
Yes, used to and it embarrasses me to no end that it happened sometimes. Not often anymore, though. If a waiter does that now, I basically just think he's an asshole.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
Probably early on.

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
No. Smoking kills tastebuds and ruins your sense of smell.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
No! That's plain weird.

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?
Only the one who sopped up some spilled coffee with her sleeve recently. And that only after she ignored for a half hour first.

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
Maybe. Been a long time, though.

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?
No, but I've been stormed out on. Bastard.

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?
No. Bartender, yes.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?
Yes, and I make the server repeat it if they talk too fast to understand.

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
Oh HELLs yes

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?
Yep.

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?
No. Yes. Maybe.

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?
No.

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?
No.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
No.

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?
No.

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
Yes. It's particularly annoying during wine-tastings at wineries. It's an adult passtime. Kids can't partake. Keep the little bastards at home until they're old enough to drink.

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?
Yes, but I'm sort of paranoid and self-centered that way.

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?
Nearly. But not lately.

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
Sure.

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?
Maybe a little, in the back of my mind.

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
Yes, but usually I just have them tell me how to pronounce it. Much easier in the long run.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?
No.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?
Yes. Coughing over the food is nice, too.

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?
Good lord, no.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
No.

MJ said...

I can't answer all 50 questions until someone teaches me how to bold the answers like Ellie did.

So I'll just answer #40.

I have never reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf but I have requested the waiter send me a pic of his sugar loaf and mama was it worth waiting for!

psychicgeek.com said...

I've done some of these things, but wish to remain mysterious about which. After all, someone who blogs about their sharts and farts should hold something back.

woody guthrie said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Usually scrabble some change together.
2. Have you ever done a runner? Maybe(where have you worked?)
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? I dont go to the sort of restaurants that require bookings.>
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? That would be rude.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Do waiters have feelings?
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) The wife wouldn`t let me.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? Only after I flirted with the waitress
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? You should see our dining table, nothing matches.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? Yes, but he started it.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? No, we steal them and leave them in restaurants without comment cards.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Whats a credit card?
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Yes, I love the way they just empty the diseased contents into a clean glass.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? No, what would he go out clubbing in after work.
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? yes
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? only while asleep in my dreams.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No, Chefs frighten the shit out of me.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Only when he thought we were going to do a runner
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Only when I have had no money
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? From my knowledge of chef/ waiter relationships that would be pointless
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? ? Yes, but he was probably right.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? Make stuff up me, never.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No, sometimes its good to be sat right next to the toilets.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Never, whats the point, I can be laughed at home I dont need to go out for it.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Only if his zip is undone
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? ?
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? No
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? I dont like taking myself to the bathroom never mind the cutlery.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No, Is there any point?
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? If I could afford to get off my head on class A`s I wouldn`t be sitting here doing this.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? Only when the drugs wore off.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No, because I probably haven`t decided whether I`m going to do a runner.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? No, Specials are just stuff thats about to go off.
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? I would be very surprised if they haven`t.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Don`t speak to weirdo`s on the street.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? see Q 11
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Only the ones smaller than me.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Most of them.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Cant beat that kebab on the way home.
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Only if I could get his wallet.
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? My children usually drown out the noise.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Only when his lips move.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? That`s what works parties are for.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? As long as it comes that will do.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? See Q 11
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Isn`t that what the pictures are for on the menu?
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? I did work in one once but it was really embarassing and I couldn`t go back.
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Yes, pocket snooker does lose ones appetite.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? never
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? I have done that in Pizza Hut.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I don't go out. Or at least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

50 questions???? You are insane.

:-)

Gypsy said...

Ok Manuel...I will just answer the ones that aren't no and these are the Gods honest truth so help me God.

2. Have you ever done a runner?
Sadly Yes when I was very young and stupid. Everyone else ran and I couldn't afford to pay for everyone so what could I do. Hangs head in shame.


5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
Yes I have even though the waiter didn't cook it so don't know why I was worried about his feelings.


6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter?
Are you kidding? That's half the fun of going out for dinner.


8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses. toilet roll from the restaurant?
Again Yes when I was very young and stupid (how long is that excuse gonna hold out for). I used to take the biggest handbag I could find when I went to restaurants and have lifted candles and centrepieces as well.


14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
Yes I fell asleep in the restaurant on a ship on several occasions when I went on a cruise. My cabin always had someone bonking in it so where else was I supposed to sleep?


16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
Only when I worked in a restaurant and he was my boyfriend. He was in BIG trouble.....


19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
Sure have.


23. Have you ever left a restaurant when you spotted an ex?
No but I've left a restaurant when a current boyfriend walked in with his bit of fluff on the side. Helluva way to find out.


25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
Hell yes!!


26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
No but how do you pronounce it and no I am not checking if you are really reading these answers, but are you?


39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
Yes...once I went to a 5 star silver service restaurant and the portions were so fucking measley that I was starving when I left. If memory serves I bought a chiko roll.


46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
Only every time I go to a restaurant.

Geez Manuel that was harder work than a post but I secretly enjoyed it.

Rosie said...

50 questions? you must be joking. i love you, Manuel, but not that much.

D said...

When I have more time, I'll try to tackle them all, but for now I'll just look at #22.

Musical chairs? Try musical RESTAURANTS. Trying to have dinner with my brother and his girlfriend, we went round 13 restaurants because she didn't like the look of the menus.

Some we just looked at the menu outside, some we actually got shown to a table, and at one of them we'd even managed to order drinks before she decided she couldn't eat there.

In the end I stormed off, irritated and starving, and went to Dominos.

dave said...

Oh dear god...did you read Gypsy's comment for question number 23?
Gypsy...I insist you expand that story further...how did you get your revenge?

Manuel, all my ansers are no, apart from the following...

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Hell yes.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Somtimes
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Yes.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? yes.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? oh yes.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Yes. And class B, class C, class D, class E etc etc
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes, who hasn't?
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Yep. In this country, I like my menu written in plain English, not french, italian or any other european language.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Of course.

nursemyra said...

yes to 5,6,15,33 and 41 :-)

sheepworrier said...

too many questions for a monday morning - im going back to blankly staring at my screen and pretending to work...

Crispy said...

I'm with Sheep worrier on this one Manuel!! Did you have a bad weekend, was Sunday Carvery not all as it usually is.....now to get back to letting on I am working when clearly I am not....

red said...

1-7 No
8 Yes, I'm afraid so. Toilet paper from a restaurant I worked in.
9 + 10 No
11 Yes, it happens all the time in Italy- restaurants prefer you to pay cash.
12-24 No
25 Yes, once in London
26- 28 No
29 Yes, same as 25
30- 32 No
33 Yes, because they're in Italian I have to focus
34- 40 No
41 Yes, late at night in Italy
42- 50 No

Deborah said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No

2. Have you ever done a runner? No

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Yes
4. Have you ever sent the wine back?Yes
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?Yes
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yes
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?No but my Mam through a glass of water over my brother once. Classic.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Guilty, really cool coke glass though... oh yeah and a sauce dish that I knew would make a killer ashtray. I also used to mess with the salt and pepper shakers... heh.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? No
10. Do you fill in the comment card?Always, good or bad service
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?Yes
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?Hell, no, yuck
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?No
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?No
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?No
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?No
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?No
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?No
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?No
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?No
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?No
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?No
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?No
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?Yes
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?Once in a fancy place... we were young and were treating ourselves. He actually explained what sorbet between courses was for... fucker
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?No, but I do get mad if a menu redundantly says WITH au jus
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?If kids aren't there, maybe
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?No
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?Yes
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?Yes
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?No, but himself has and I had to go after him - tiff with his sister.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?Yes, because he was going to hook me up with some pot later. Heh.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?Yes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?Yes
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?Yes
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?No
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?No
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?No
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?Yes
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?No
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?Yes, onec upon a time I couldn't believe what they got away with, now I have kids and I understand.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?Yes, especially in ethnic restaurants
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?Embarrassingly yes,
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?No
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?Yes
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?No
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?No
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?Yes and Yes
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?No
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Sortof... just order starters

upset waitress said...

You've got to be kidding me. Uh uh. Not gonna do this.

Nick said...

Good grief, 50 questions? Where do people get the time to answer ALL of them - are they unemployed billionaires or what?? To mention a few: 5) Yes, have sometimes said I loved the food when I didn't. Too embarrassed to make a big fuss. 19) I've sent compliments to the chef several times, particularly for personally-prepared vegetarian meals. 31) I've often left because I've been waiting too long to order. 41) Occasionally complain about children, notably in Pizza Express in Lisburn Road where the kids can be totally wild.

Caro said...

Jaysus - 50 is a lot.

1-4. No.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? I think everyone has.
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yes. I really fancied the waiter in a place we used to often go to. One night I got a bit stoned, followed him home and jumped on him.
7-18 No.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Just once. It was a really outstanding meal.
20 - 30 No.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No, but I have sat there crying on two occasions (see 43).
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Don't think so.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Yes
36-40. No
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Absolutely.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? No.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Er, guilty. What a knacker.
44-45 No.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Never in an English-speaking country...
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Yes (see 6 & 31).
48-50. No.

Manuel said...

Some of you are just brilliant......some of you make me weep......

Conan Drumm said...

1. Possibly-being perpetually broke-but not intentionally.
2.No
3.No
4.And have them serve it up to someone else? No.
5.No, and 'feelings' fer fuck's sake!
6. No
7. Eating out is for making up, not rowing!
8. Hmm.... maybe...
9. Never
10 Never
11 Never, yet.
12 No, always send glass back beforehand with comment that skivvies are better than dishwashers.
13 No, god help you.
12 Never
13 Not to my recall
14 No, I've worked in restaurants.
15 No
16 No, but may have declined to pay for a dish that was returned.
17 Yes, even though I know they hate each other.
18 Not that I've heard
19 No
20 No
21 No
22 No, honestly, it wasn't me.
23 No, SIR!
24 No
25 No hable le OCD
26 Never, I can soak up bad service, I'm Irish.
27 Class, eh?
28 How dare you suggest such a thing
29 Never
30 You wish!
31 I know it's possible so I don't go there.
32 No
32 Just a little...don't they have a machine to bring to the table?
32 No
33 No
34 No
35 Never
36 Yes, but not because of noise more because they were about to cause a monumental accident involving plates and hot food.
37 I said no.
38 No, a plane isn't a kind of restaurant, is it?
39 Not unless it's sleeping
40 Invariably.
41 Mais non!
42 Nope
43 Yes
44 No, we're all human, even waiters.
45 Never
46 No, you can smell the prices from the pavement outside. It's usually different to the smell of good food.
47 I thought there were 50 questions?
47 The missus and I are off to Belfast shortly, where's central and good to eat at about 5.30-6pm?

Anonymous Boxer said...

I have a question for you... is that truly your naked arse?

Inquiring minds want to know.....

fatmammycat said...

I've never stiffed a waiter on a tip and I've never done a runner. I am pleading the 5th on everything else, especially 8 and 41. None of your beeswax.

Sam, Problemchildbride said...

I have done the usual things but haven't done the unusual things. That is to say, I've never done a runner, stiffed a waiter, asked a waiter to sell me his shirt, anything like that.

However I did cry in a Minnesotan restaurant once over some sad thing. The waitress came over and gave me a free pudding. I was so mortified I could barely taste the thing. At first - then it quickly became one of the best pieces of cheesecake I have ever eaten. And, like a doorstep! She was a lovely, lovely waitress - I tipped her tres well.

English Mum said...

What they said. Heh.

Ribeye of your Dreams said...

1. Have you ever stiffed a waiter when they deserved something? Not since before I became a server.

2. Have you ever done a runner? Define doing a runner. I've screwed a runner, and I've dined and dashed...the latter again before I started serving.

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Yes

4. Have you ever sent the wine back? I didn't generally order wine when I was drinking.

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Yes.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (Male of female) Every chance I get.

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No, I only get hit with beer.

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/ glasses/ toilet roll? All of the above and more. I took a fondue fork out of cheese, I took a plate, I took a salad bowl hidden in a to-go box, all condiments, everything I can.

9. Have you ever sworn at the waiter? Yes, many times.

10. Do you fill in the comment card? If it's something good I have to say.

11. Has your credit card ever been declined at a restaurant? Nope, only gas stations.

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on the glass, drank most of the contents, and sent it back for a fresh one? No, I usually send it back first.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Why would I do that?

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? Only while on the clock.

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either alone or with someone else? Yes and yes...

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No, no I haven't.

17. Have you ever overheard the waiter talking about you? Only when I left a fabulous tip.

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? A few times, yes.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? No, no I don't want the line cooks to know, and I can't afford a real restaurant LOL.

20. Has a waiter ever sworn at you? Yes, and I swore right back.

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? That's a negative.

22.Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No, only moved once.

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Yes.

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? I cannot afford such things.

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? It's usually the other way around.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? I don't get it.

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Sometimes even during courses.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No, but I watch guests do it in cups of hot water.

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No I don't believe in such things.

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Many times. Sometimes I saw the food talking, but I ate it anyway.

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? During fights with my man.

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? Long time ago, in a restaurant far far away.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? I couldn't care less about the specials to be honest with ya.

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? I may have, my memory is a bit fuzzy.

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No, I don't have one, and my debit has fraud protection on it.

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Many times

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Usually after I physically threaten them.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Yes, especially when the food sucks.

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No, I don't want to get attacked.

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? I've done it...it doesn't usually end well.

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Yes.

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No, I could always get to it. I like food.

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? No, I mix it on my own.

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? No, I don't pay with credit.

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? No, I generally can pronounce things or make an ass of myself trying.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Yes, puked on myself in a drunken rage.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Yes, because I didn't see him wash his hands afterwards.

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No, I don't want to be the people I serve.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Yes. I'm poor.

Native Minnow said...

1. Once. In high school. Don't hate me. I still feel guilty, and now usually overtip to compensate.
2. No.
3. No.
4. N/A - I don't drink wine
5. Yes, although I don't know why it would be the waiter's fault that the food was bad and not the chef's.
6. Yes. All the time (female only though)
7. No, but that would make for a great story.
8. No, but have friends who have.
9. No
10. No
11. No
12. I have noticed lipstick on a glass, but didn't drink from it before sending it back.
13. No, but there are some guys on the Las Vegas Strip that hand out Porn cards that wear shirts advertising girls direct to your room. I'd offer to buy one of those.
14. I've fallen asleep in a bar that served food. Pathetic, I know, but does that count?
15. Unfortunately, no.
16. No.
17. No, but I'm sure it's happened plenty of times.
18. No
19. No
20. No
21. No, but I wish I had.
22. More than once? No.
23. No.
24. No.
25. No, probably because of my answer to 24.
26. No
27. No
28. No. That's really gross when you think about it.
29. No
30. No
31. No
32. No, but there are some girls that I'd like to. I just can't bring myself to be "that guy"
33. When I don't already know what I want.
34. No, but they probably have at some point
35. I've nodded acknowledgement, but never spoken to one.
36. No
37. Never! Do people do that?
38. No
39. Yes. Dessert. Although, I don't suppose I had to.
40. No.
41. No, but that's probably because I have kids.
42. No
43. N/A - I don't drink
44. Is that a euphemism? Ha.
45. No
46. Yes. I'm classy like that.
47. No. I tend not to get embarrassed, even when I should be.
48. No, but I once got a glass of water that had a booger in a thumb print on the side. I sent it back.
49. No. I've seen and heard far worse during a meal.
50. No.
51. No. That's usually when I'd just break out the credit card.

Bock the Robber said...

Too many questions there, but it all proves to me what a prole I am. It looks like a questionnaire from Waiters' Scientology.

Never had wine thrown over me, but a pint of beer is much worse.

Sexual act in a restaurant? No. Pub? Yes.

Things stolen? Loads.

Never asked a waiter to sell me his shirt, for some strange reason.

Jus? What kind of shite is that?

Gypsy said...

Dear Manuel, Please see my answer to Q26. I knew you wouldn't read them all..... I actually do really want to know how to pronounce JUS.

Manuel said...

Gypsy: Like shoe but with a j! It's one of the more regular problems.....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Manny, you are no better than a chugger. You'll be asking me for my card details next!

Manuel said...

Muddy: spill with the numbers......

Anonymous said...

Oh God Manuel, I wish, I WISH I'd only done number 46, that is ONLY pointed at what I wanted on the menu. Usually I point AND try to pronounce it in my pidgin Italian/French/Spanish like the right looking eejit that I am!

"Yeah, I'll, eh have this tag-li-tel pom-a-dori-whatsit........." trailing off into an embarrassed silence while I stab at the menu with my finger.

Sigh. Fine dining, it just aint for me. In my part of Dublin if the meal you're ordering doesn't include the words "chicken balls, chips and a curry sauce" then it aint worth ordering!

Karen, Dublin

Manuel said...

Karen: Welcome Karen...."chicken balls, chips and a curry sauce" then it aint worth ordering!


Hahahahahaha I'd love a mushroom cheese and chip right now.....

INNER VOICES said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?FUCK NO!
Have you ever done a runner?HELL YES!
Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?AH NO.
Have you ever sent the wine back?OF COURSE.
Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?HMM.. ONLY WHEN SHE WAS HOT.

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)OOHHH YYYEEAH!
Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?NO, BEER.
Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?YES. WHO HASN'T?
Have you ever swore at the waiter?NO. EVEN THOUGH IM AMERICAN, I'M HALF CANADIAN.
Do you fill in the comment card?I HAVE.

Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?YEP.
Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?NO.
Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?WHAT?

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?ZZZZZZZ....
Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?YES.
Have you ever demanded to see the chef?NOT DEMANDED, BUT YES.
Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?YES.
Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?YES.
Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?YES!
Has a waiter ever swore at you?YES.
Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?NO.
Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?NO.

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?YES.
Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?I TURN IT AROUND ON THEM.
Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?UM, NO.
Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?ONLY IF WE HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM FIRST!
Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?NO.

Have you ever complained about the waiter?NO.
Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?AGAIN, WHO HASN'T?
Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?NO.
Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?NO.
Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?ABSOLUTLY, WELL IT DEPENDS. IF WE ARE EATING AT THE PUB, THEN NO.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?HMMM... WAS THAT YOU?
Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?PERHAPS.
Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?NO. I USE STOLEN CREDIT CARDS WHEN I DINE OUT.
Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?NO YRT.
Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?NOT THAT I CAN REMEMBER.
Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?YES.
Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?ONLY WHEN I WAS DATING THE STAFF.
Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?OOOOHHH YEAH.

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?DIDNT YOU ASK THIS QUESTION ALREADY? OR AM I BEING PARINOID?
Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?SORRY TO SAY...
Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?NOT REALLY. UNLESS OF COURSE ITS SEARED AHI TUNA.
Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?NO, FUCK IT.
Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?YES.
Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?YES.
Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?YES AND GOT FREE DRINKS FROM IT SO NO.
Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?NO.
Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? NO, WE ARE JUST HEAR FOR SOME DRINKS WORKS JUST FINE.

The Troll said...

I picked 15, 30, and 50 in advance cause they can all be pronounced "Fiddy".

15). Yes, Handjob at one of those Jap places where you sit with strangers and the cook dazzles you with his knife skills at the table.

30) Demerol. Not sure if I'm spelling that right or if it's considered Type A. Strong painkiller/downer. I had friggin soup because of wisdom teeth removal. Mrs. Troll had a lovely meal. Bitch.


50) "Couples Brunch" Valentine's Day at the Colony advertised for 40 bucks. When the bill arrived the patrons discovered that "Couples" were being charged 40 bucks per person. So, 80 bucks total.

Fortunately, a brother Troll was storming towards the door upon my entrance. He tossed two Twenties in the Air and told them that's all they were getting.

Never patronize the Colony Resort in Longboat Key, Florida!

Manuel said...

bravo Inner Voices and Troll! There'll be no spit in your soup.......

Niall said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? no
2. Have you ever done a runner? Never, will shoot onsight anyone who does
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Never felt the need, always so charming I get my way.. or i cry.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Yes, but in my defence i think it may have been microwaved before it got to me.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Yes but who am i to make manuel cry
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) always, females only just for the attention not for pleasure. Thats what girlfriends are for.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? God no, too nice for that.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Nope
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? Yes, in belfast and he was very rude to my girlfriend, when I pulled him on it he told me to take a hike so I called him a cunt and threatened to knock him out till the manager arrived.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Always, designed so many i do it out of principal.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Too broke to even get a credit card.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Never, if there is a problem, be nice not a cunt, make it known early or shut up and pay more attention in future
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? God no, ive been a waiter, I know what happens under there
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? Yes, once and I have never heard the end of it. jetlag!
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? No
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? God no, it may put you off your food even more.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Yes, always good though
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Never, staff need wages.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? When deserved, yes
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Yes see question 9. the offending cunt got what he deserved.
21.Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
Yes, the last time i dined with manuel if I remember correctly
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No, i hate indecisive people. Sit down shut up.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? God no, i let them leave. I rule the war of the minds, always.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Nope, not that sad.. or loaded. Viva la greasy spoon
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? They try, I usually make them look stupid. The fuhrer was always good for teaching us the meaning of big words.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? I can read and repeat, so no.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Never was one for smoking.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? God no
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Yes, once, see no 9
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Never needed to.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? Not since i was a small child (bastard)
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yes, if they take the time to tell you, have the manners to listen
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Nope, ignorance is bliss
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? More than once
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Nope, cold hard cash from under the mattress, the country way.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Yes, see 9. he really fucked me off.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No 9. tried but i cut a scary pose for a little guy with big temper.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? nope
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? God no
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? No i make gestures and mumbled comments until they leave.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No only in the kebab house
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Care not a jot
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? no
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Only in other countries
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? no
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? no
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? Thats spineless so no
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Research is key, if your wrong, grin and bear it, you might surprise yourself

Glinda the good witch said...

Answers yes to 1 (no cash, no facility for leaving tip on credit card),I hate when this happens, I would tip a standard 15% 20% for good service, and maybe 10% or less for blah service.
4 (if it was corked, I have on a couple of times - I was a wine waitress myself in the old days)
10 sometimes
11 yeah but probably just a magnetic strip thing, I either have another one or somebody else does - no biggie.

Anonymous said...

50- Went into a American Diner type place near the Lisburn Omniplex over Christmas, waited 20 minutes to be seated in a near empty restaurant, were then handed a "shortened menu for the festive season" with about 5 options.

No excuses needed, though I did say "are you serious?" to the guy nearest the door.

Manuel said...

niall: good work fella

glinda: 10;% for blah is very good....I aspire to blah....

anonymous: That's fair enough.....

ruthEbabes said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? NO
Have you ever done a runner? NO
Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
Have you ever sent the wine back? NO
Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES I suppose that's cos I'm just too nice sometimes
Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) YES
Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? NO
Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? NO
Have you ever swore at the waiter? NO
Do you fill in the comment card? SOMETIMES, usually if there is one
Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? NO
Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? NO, I send it back straight away
Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO
Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO, but almost once
Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? NO
Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO
Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? YES
Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? NO
Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? YES
Has a waiter ever swore at you? YES
Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? Something to that effect
Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO one move was enough
Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? NO
Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? NO
Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? It's happened once
Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? NO
Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? NO
Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? NO
Have you ever complained about the waiter? YES
Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? NO
Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? NO
Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO
Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? YES
Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? NO
Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? MAYBE
Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? SOMETIMES
Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO
Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? NO
Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? YES
Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? NO
Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? I've felt the need but restrained myself
Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? YES
Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? NO
Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? DEPENDS what the thing is that's coming on the "bed"
Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? NO
Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? YES
Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? NO
Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? YES AND YEEEEESSSSS!!!
Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO
Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? NO

Anonymous said...

Wonderful questions, all. I won't provide replies for those questions for which I can't give an interesting answer, but here goes:

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

No

4. Have you ever sent the wine back?

Once. In Paris. And, after apologies, the waiter agreed that it had turned.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

I asked a lovely lass for a date. My offer was declined.

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

No. No. However, many decades ago while in Manhattan,I asked the waiter if I could take a fork as a souvenir. He agreed.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

No. However, I was once on a Gatwick->US flight with a rugby team on the way to a competition. They had lovely jerseys with embroidered team insignias, and I was wearing a linen shirt with impressionistic drawings of landmarks around the globe. One of the team members expressed an interest in my shirt, and I offered to trade, but -- when he accepted -- I suggested that we wait until our baggage was delivered, as I had an unused specimen in my bag.

Unfortunately, the meeting did not materialize, so I lost out on a magnificent shirt.

BTW, the team's alcohol supply was cut off during the flight, because members were standing on seats, cheering on the team, and demanding more beer.

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

Regrettably, no. I once had an assignation in a hotel, and neglected to bring properly formal wear for dinner. My partner was prepared to dine with a see-through chiffon blouse, but demurred when I didn't produce the proper apparel. I consider this lost evening one of the tragedies of my life.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

Yes. But my wife is a rep for an Italian foodstuffs distributor, and we then get invited to the kitchen.

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

Yes. Food is more important than company when traveling. And I travel on business a great deal.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

Absolutely. Sometimes I order them; sometimes not. But it pays to pay attention.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

Yes, but rarely.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

Not exactly, but I've been kicked out of one up front. At university, a group of us hog-tied a fellow on his birthday, transported him to a pizza establishment, carried him in, and deposited him on a table. We were asked to leave before we could place an order.

Anaperenna said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? no
2. Have you ever done a runner? Unintentionally in the restaurant I used to work in, and in which my gf still works.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? No
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Yes (her feelings)
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yes.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? One of my goals in life.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? A fire escape sign.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? The waiters I manage, yes.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Yes, with my gf's name.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Embarrassingly yes. Even more embarrassingly it was a debit card.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?No.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? No.
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Yes.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No. Not even the chef I manage.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Yes. They loudly commented on the fact that I had been in three nights in a row with different women. Oblivious to the fact that I have a twin brother.
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? A staff meal, yes.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Yes.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Yes, Katz Deli in New Yawk. Proper wiseguys.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Yes, but I wasn't dining, and she was the chef.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Zen, sushi joint.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Yes. Its the definition of a bad waiter.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? No.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? No.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? Is that a metaphor? See 15.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? No.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? As long as I've had the chance to take my coat off and sit down.
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Yes, the chefs.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Yes. It always happens to staff I've rejected from a job. In another restaurant.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? No
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No. My Dad always says he loved sugar loaf as a child. I feel sick.
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes. Keep control of them. They are empty vessels, you need to teach them right and wrong.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Yes.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? No.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Yes.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Yes.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? "someone".
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Yes, and no.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Not exactly. More like when I didn't like the menu.

applicant mother said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? NO
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? NO. I hate that. I used to work with a girl who thought that doing so was the height of sophistication, until I sat and explained that corked wine was the result of a fungus, not because bits of cork were floating in her glass.

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? NO. I do complain when necessary. But I'm very polite.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) possibly *ahem* *whistles*

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? NO

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No. Ashtrays and glasses from pubs, yes.

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? NO

10. Do you fill in the comment card? Occasionally, in extremis.

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Occasionally

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Eww,NO. If I found lipstick I would just ask for a new one then and there.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?No, alas

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO

17. Have you ever overheard the waiter talking about you? NO

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? NO

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? NO

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? NO

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? NO

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? NO, thankfully!

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? YES. I travel on business a lot
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Not now - when I was younger, yes.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? NO

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Nah.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? NO. eww. how unhygienic.

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? NO!

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? NO

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? NO

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? YES

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? NO

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? YES

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? NO, not since they bring the machine to your table.

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?NO

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? NO

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? NO

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
Politely chide, rather than scream.


42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? NO

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? NO

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
MASH! You can't go wrong with a potato product. Salmon on a bed of noodles is just wrong.

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? YES

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? NO

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? NO

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? I'm not terribly squeamish

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

NO. I've left because i haven't been impressed with a menu though.

Come2BKK said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Nope was a waitress once upon a time and tend to tip even when the waiter is a dick

Have you ever done a runner?
Not that I can remember

Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Frequently

Have you ever sent the wine back?
No, I'll drink anything

Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
I consider this one of my better qualities

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
After a couple of bottles of bad wine

Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
Naa, I don't have the guts.

Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
All of the above are generally stapled to the tables in Bangkok

Have you ever swore at the waiter?
Only under my (bad) breath

Do you fill in the comment card?
Always - am a consultant for Gods sake


Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
More often that i would like


Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?
No - I try to suck the lipstick off the glass


Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?
Nope but I've offer mine on more than one occassion

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
Only when I was working in one


Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
Does sucking the lipstick off a wine glass count as a lewd act?


Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
Only if I wanted to "do" him


Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?
Only when I was sucking lipstick off the wine glass

Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
Never had to - I get someone else to pay


Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
No I prefer to compliment the chef personally ;->

Has a waiter ever swore at you?
Only in the nicest way possible

Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
No, that's only something you'd do


Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
Only because I like different positions and giving compliements to the chef is usually involved.

Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?
Ex what?

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?
"Fancy" in Bangkok - I say no more


Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
Only when he's underneath

Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
I don't mind what religion you are


Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
Aaaah - to many answers to that question


Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
Have done lots of interesting things with a fork

Have you ever complained about the waiter?
Only when he didn't deliver


Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
What's a mong?


Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?
Never before desert


Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?
Have slipped waiters many things


Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?
Yes - I like to make them repeat the specials as often as I can.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
Am in denial

Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?
That used to happen to me all the time and not just with waiters

Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?
I was born with a guilty conscience

Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?
Only in the nicest way possible


Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?
Please see above

Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
I don't see this as an issue - this is my life


Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?
Only when asked politely


Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
I just scream at the children

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?
I just presume they are


Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?
I can always eat my meal

Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
.....chef


Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?
Again - guilty conscience

Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
Yes but only because I can't read Thai

Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?
Not yet but I hope to do so before I die

Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal?
Isn't this normal male behavior?

Did this make you feel sick?
A bit turned on actually


Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?
Na - I'm not that mean.


Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
Na - I'm a rich bitch :->

sheepworrier said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Yes, to my eternal shame I didn't have enough for a tip.

Have you ever done a runner? Nope

Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Nope

Have you ever sent the wine back? yup - tasted like vinegar and the waiter was particularly shifty when opening it... he knew it was off.

Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? If I think its not something that can be fixed in 5 mins by a chef, I wont bother making a fuss.

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)Oh christ yes. Both.

Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? Kinda - it was water and she was Italian. I prob woulda been dissappointed if she didn't tbh.

Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Only when I worked in one.

Have you ever swore at the waiter? As a customer, never.

Do you fill in the comment card? Rarely.

Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Nope.

Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Are you calling me a stoke!

Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Haha - in a cafe in spain, yes. Completely forgot about that...

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? I'm sure I did when I was a nipper.

Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Yes. That is all you'll ever know.

Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No. I like my kneecaps exactly where they are.

Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? All the frickin time. No, I'm not brad pitt's sexier brother!

Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Nope.

Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? No.

Has a waiter ever swore at you? Not at me, but certainly at the world in general.

Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? Ah, so you got that one then...

Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No.

Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Of course - it just aint worth the hassle.

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Just cant do it - like going to the cinema on my own.

Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Not inferior, only my ma can do that, but there are some real waiter arseholes out there.

Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Erm... what?

Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Used to, before the ban came in.

Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? You've got some weird customers Manuel.

Have you ever complained about the waiter? Yes. Feckin student dipshit.

Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? No comment your honour.

Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No. I'm not that rude.

Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? Too forward. I'm quite reserved.

Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yup, unless its veg f**kin soup again.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Once an ex served me with a mischevious smile. I was out with a friend and switched plates with him. I'm a good friend.

Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? I get it all the time from barwork.

Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Only if he's called jonto.

Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Not as a customer.

Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? See above.

Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Nope.

Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Only when it was offered.

Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Everyday.

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Did I not answer this before?

Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Nothing stops me eating. Nothing.

Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? As long as its yummy, I don't really care.

Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Nope.

Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Hasn't everyone?

Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Different country rules apply - what goes on tour stays on tour.

Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Oh god, I think I have...

Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? Na, Im not that cheap.

Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Not yet, but its a definate fear.

The Rantolotl said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? I don't think so

2. Have you ever done a runner? yes, but only at restaurants/bars which have managed to ignore us so long that groups of 20 could walk out, totally unnoticed

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? no

4. Have you ever sent the wine back? no

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? no

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) no

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? no

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? yes

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? only in joy, never in anger

10. Do you fill in the comment card? sometimes

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? yes

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? no

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? what? no.

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? no

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? no

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? no

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? no

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? no

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? no

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? not that I recall

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? no

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? no

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? no

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? sometimes

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? no

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? not often

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? no

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? no

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? yes

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? no. In fact, I once endured an entire meal with my mother in tears and refusing to talk to me. We finished our meals, settled the bill, and didn't speak to each other again for about 18 months.

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Most of the time, unless I'm totally set on a particular standard menu item

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? no

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? yes

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? no

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? certainly not!

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? no

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? yes, but usually only because I'm shitfaced, or if I really disliked the food

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? no

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? yes

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? yes

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? no

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? totally indifferent

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? yes

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? yes. Though many a waiter seem to prompt the menu thing themselves because I'm a bit of a mumbler

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? yes. Well, it was my partner actually.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? no

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? no

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? no. Though there was one particular restaurant awhile back where our table was seated, and completely ignored, all with the look of arrogance that we really weren't the sort of people who could/should/afford to eat there.. this was ridiculous, because all it was was a slightly upmarket burger & beer restaurant, which we were adequately dressed for. We walked out and had a much friendlier dining experience down the road a bit.

captain chaos said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Nope. God (my ma) would smite me.
2. Have you ever done a runner? Hasn't every urban skate punk high schooler? Ah, to be young again.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Not worth the argument.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Once but it was badly corked and we really did try to drink it, to no avail.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Nope. If it's bad it's not his fault but I'll tell him anyway.
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) When do I not flirt with the female waiters?
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? I wish. That'd be epic.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? Fuck no.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Every time but only because I'm safe in the knowledge that no one reads them.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Too many times.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? If I notice it goes back immediately.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Ha! I will tomorrow.
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Not to my knowledge.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? Why? He's probably busy.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Yes but she was cute so I let it slide.
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? No.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? I didn't think people actually did that.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? No.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? I shall start immediately.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? Nope.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Yeah. It sucked. I was so hungry.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? All the time. I like to bring a surf or skate mag to read while I get drunk and full.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? they've tried but I don't care enough for it to work.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Why would I?
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Used to but quit. Damn quiter!
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? What the fuck?
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Nope.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Ha ha! Purple!
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No. I make the other person leave so I have two entrees.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? Yeah, but I never get the call back.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yep. I always want to know what's new or old depending on how you look at "specials."
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Just cuz you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No but that sounds fun.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Nope.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No because they roll with a tight crew with knives.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No. I'm too boring and drunk.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Once. In Sweden. It was awful.
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Ha!
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Always. Everyday. Right now.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Didn't you ask this already?
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No but came close with the acid thing.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Yes. Money.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Nope.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Yes! Especially at Korean BBQ joints. If it ain't in English it's probably good!
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Just the runner.
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? No. But I'd feel sick if I saw it although I'm sure it happens.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No. That's fucking lame.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? No. But I have left because the food looked bad compared to the price. I don't mind paying as long as it's good.

moosh said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? NO
2. Have you ever done a runner? YES but by accident - each thought the other had paid at bar and we just walked out - we went back and paid later.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? NO
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)NO
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?NO
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?YES
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?NO not to his face anyway
10. Do you fill in the comment card? YES
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?NO
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?NO
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?NO
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?NO
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?NO
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?NO
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?NO
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?NO
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?YES
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?NO
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?NO
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?NO
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?NO
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?YES
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?YES
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?NO
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?NO
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?NO
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?NO
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?NO
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?NO
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?YES
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?YES
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?NO
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?SOMETIMES depends what country I'm in.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?NO
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?NO
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?yes
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?NO
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?YES
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?NO
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?NO
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?NO
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?yes
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?yes (every day here in bangkok)
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?yes - see #2
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?yes
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?no
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? not yet, but there's always lunchtime

Kimberly said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

Absolutely never. I usually tip 20% plus. My mother's been a waitress 30 years.

Have you ever done a runner?

Never.
Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?

You'd never get away with it where I live. The town's so small they know your voice when you call. Plus the owners of the only place that takes reservations go to our church.

Have you ever sent the wine back?

No.

Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?

Yes...because I've been in places where its clear the server is having a shit night and I don't want to make it worse. Especially if my liking it has more to do with making a bad choice than the quality of the food. That's the risk you take when you 'try' things.

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

Only in Belfast. ;o)

Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?

Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

No to both.

Have you ever swore at the waiter?

I have only ever sworn at the National Express counter. And that was mostly my fault anyway for trying to get somewhere the day after Boxing day.

Do you fill in the comment card?
Yes.

Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
Nope.

Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?

If I see it at the outset I politely ask for a fresh one, but if I drink most of it and then notice I just leave it.

Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

No. That's just wrong.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?

Does the dining car in a train count?

Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

Never.

Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
I once asked to see the chef so I could tell him how good something was. I could tell he doesn't get that too often.

Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?

Nope.

Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?

Never.

Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

Sure.

Has a waiter ever swore at you?

Lord, what do your customers DO to you?

Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?

No, but I shall file that away for next time.

Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?

I've only ever asked to move if there were plenty of other tables. I don't want to mess up their 'whose turn it is to get a table' system.

Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?

I don't have any exes.

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

Sure. Its lovely to eat on your own once in a while, especially in a place thats good for people watching/eavesdropping.

Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?

To what?

Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
No.
Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?

Negative. If I'm in a smoke-filled room I'm usually in turnouts and a helmet dragging a hose.

Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
Ew.

Have you ever complained about the waiter?

I can't say as I have.

Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?

No, but I'm young yet.

Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?

No.

Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?

Not the waiter, no. A bartender, maybe.

Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

Yes, because nothing is more frustrating than talking to people who aren't listening to you. And its rude not to listen.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
No. I've eaten in dodgy places where the danger is present even without tampering (I seem to recall a chip van outside a bar. The details are hazy but the burger was good.)

Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?

Again, small town, I know everyone who works everywhere and they know me.

Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?

Once in a while.

Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?

What sort of circumstance would necessitate that?

Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?

See above...

Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

I left my wedding reception and went to get something to eat. You can't eat in that damn dress.

Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?

Not on purpose....

Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?

Regularly. And not just in restaurants.

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?

No.

Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?

No, that is kind of gross.

Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?

If its something edible. If its just window dressing, feh.

Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

Yeah, but that's because we're broke, not because of them.

Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?

Yes, because I figure pointing is better than sounding like a dumbass. But I'll admit I can't pronounce it. Then I'll ask. Then I'll repeat it and learn.

Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

No, but I sang in a couple of bars our around the RVH. I think its been long enough that they'd forget.

Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?

Never.But restaurants where the soap dispenser is empty worry me.

Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?

Never. But I once ate something that was the completely wrong order because it was their soft opening and they were working out all the kinks and I didn't want to be a jerk. As it turns out, what I got was really good, AND they gave it to me for free. SOmetimes it pays to be kind.

Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

Once, in Baltimore. We hadn't ordered yet, and the place was empty.

Sooz said...

Before answering these delightful questions I feel I should point out that I am in the same industry.... in the same bee-yoo-ti-ful city! :D

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Nope, good service gets rewarded in my book- I'm a 20%er if you're worth it!
2. Have you ever done a runner? Nope, had it done on me, not nice!
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Nope!
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Yup, it had that delightful aroma of wet newspaper- I'm not drinking that!
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Nope, I'm honest about these things, I always make sure the waiter knows its not his fault cos he didn't cook it, but how's anything meant to improve if you don't comment?!
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Oh yes!
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? Nope!
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? I've pocketed glasses, but only from places I've worked in, which probably doesn't count! My ex's house had a crackin supply of plates from the hotel we worked in....
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? Not intentionally, no
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Indeed I do, see the above-mentioned point! I usually only leave praise on comment cards though, I complain if there's something bad
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Yeah, but it had expired the day before
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Eww... no, that baby goes back right away!
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? I've never a uniform nice enough to warrant that...
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? Eh, no! Although I nearly did it when working once...
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? I don't think footsie cuts it as a lewd sexual act...
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No, but I've had a chef come out of the kitchen to argue with me about the state of a steak I was served once (I kid you not!)
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Only in a good way
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Nope, I don't complain to get comped, and luckily I've never had that bad an experience
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Indeed I have, credit where credit's due, I am however aware that the compliments are rarely passed on due to the cauldron of hatred that is a kitchen- but it's the thought that counts, right?! :D
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Not intentionally!
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? Nope!
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? I rarely ask to move, generally you're seated somewhere for a reason!
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Nope, I'm brazen, I'll sit it out!
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Indeed I have, I don't see the problem personally, you gotta eat after all!
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Nope, cos I know my stuff too.. *evil laugh*
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Negative- I speak French fluently... I have smothered a giggle at others doing it though
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? I don't indulge, so no!
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? I can deal with streaky, but if it's dirty I'll send it back
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Only once, and this girl was a BITCH, she deserved it!
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? I also don't indulge in class A drugs, I have been so shitfaced on drink that I don't remember eating though!
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? Maybe once when I was like 5
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? Um, yes. Nuff said. I've had it done too!
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Usually yeah, although the later it gets in the day the less likely I am to order it, in case I get a "magical mystery surprise"...
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Nope, although it's probably happened!
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? I've never done it, but it happens to me a lot, I'm quite distinctive looking!
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? They don't usually take them anymore, but no, I trust them!
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Now why would I do a thing like that? Waiters are lovely creatures!
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Eh, no
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Not yet!
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Only if I've been working, in an entirely "non-sexual harrassment" way... I can control my urges most of the time!
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? My God, yes. But I control myself. I used to manage a "family-friendly" restaurant... Never again!
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Yup, but only ever in a good way!
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? I've always managed to eat, but there's been meals I can't remember eating!
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Serve it how's it served... generally though, I like my food served on a table.... BoomBoom!
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Nah, I've always got the dough!
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Nope, but I've had it done, or had people murder the pronunciation... again, giggles were smothered!
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?
Nope, I'm quite well-behaved really!
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? I have never seen it, but the thought makes me feel queasy- that's what back of house is for! And "now wash your hands"...
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? Never! That's just mean!
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? I'm never out of my depth!

daisy mae said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No. The worst i've ever done is leave a 15% tip (which i consider poor) and occasionally drop a comment to a manager.
2. Have you ever done a runner? done one? honey, i'm engaged to one!
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? nope. the beauty of the states is that the majority of restaurants don't require bookings.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? yes - but only a glass. they brought it out to me in a wine glass, with the wine filled to the rim. i asked for a proper pour.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? only on friday nights when the place is slammed and i know that sending my food back will result in an even worse plate coming out of the kitchen.
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) most definitely
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? no
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? when i was in high school we used to frequent the local dive and see who could pocket the largest item. a friend won with a carafe.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? no
10. Do you fill in the comment card? no
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? no, not yet.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? oh gross. no!
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? can't say i have
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? no
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? not that i remember....
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? oh god, no! i'd like to be allowed back in the restaurant!
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? no
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? only when something i ordered and repeatedly reminded the server to bring never materialized.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? nope. in my experience, the chef doesn't give a crap unless you're someone important.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? accidentally, when they dropped the water glasses all over the table, and me.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? no, but that's not a bad idea.....
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? i don't think i've ever asked to move.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? no
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? no
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? oh lord, no!
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? nope
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? people do that?
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? oh yes. but only for egregious behaviour.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? no
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? no
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? always. i hate having to do it myself when people are rude, why would i put someone else through it?
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? not only suspected, but caught them doing so. that restaurant made my list, as did a complaint filed with the health department
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? no, but as a server i would say hello to guests in the street all the time, and it was very obvious they had no idea who i was, while i remembered what they ate and where they sat.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? only when they've been gone with it for more than 5 minutes.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? no
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? no
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? a few times, yes
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? i can't even imagine....
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? oh yes. oh how i hate children in restaurants! but even more so i hate the parents who act like they don't hear their screaming child.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? yes - once.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? not necessarily.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? always. don't suppose i'll ever shake that.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? only in asian restaurants.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? not yet.
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? oh yes, it grosses me out. especially when they don't wash their hands afterwards.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? no, never.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? no. but i have sat down and looked at the menu, realized that nothing is fresh, but rather over-processed sysco food that was most likely re-heated in the microwave before being dumped on a plate and served, and walked out without an excuse.

daisy mae said...

uhm, let me clarify the runner comment.... i thought you meant a food runner, not a "dine and dash". and only once did i eat and not pay. we waited for an hour for our check after eating, and couldn't find a staff member anywhere in the restaurant. we did see them all in the back smoking however, as we pulled away from the restaurant.

Sadhbh said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No
2. Have you ever done a runner? No
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Yes, but only if its actually corked, not just becuase it doesnt tickle my fancy!!
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Nope, I never lie!!
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? Sometimes we go to this Italian restaurant and they dont really give you a choice....
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? No
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Rarely, only if there's a prize or somthing
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? No, but once I cudnt remeber the pin, does that count??
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Nah, I tend to notice early on
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? No
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No, but my ex used to
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?Not that I can remember
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No, but when I waitress I always talk about the customers!!
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? No
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Yep
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? No
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No, have you?????
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? Nope, but its not as uncommon as you would imagine
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No but I often leave pubs (that serve food, same thing??)
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Nah
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Sometimes
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Nope but my dad's from Kerry, he says all sorts of crazy stuff, including juice
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? EWW
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No, have you??
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? No
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? I would never leave my food!!!
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yep, specials are the best!!
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Nope
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No, but people are forever doing it to me!!! They stagger off looking confused!!
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Nope, but again this happens often, I also have to dramatically avert my eyes while they put in the pin!
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Nah
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Nah
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Nope
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes, always
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Nope
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No, but see above about the ex
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? No opinion really
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? No, just that I wont remember the pin. Again.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? No, but this is common, especially with wine lists. Or people use the number, I hate that cos they expect me to know what they mean and I have to go and look it up and it always happens when its super busy!!
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? No
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Ewwww
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No, how cheap
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Yes, last week, in Paris...oh good how embarrasing!! but it was the last night and we wanted a really good dinner and I just got a bad feeling about the place. I realised just how annoying I am as we walked about another mile and I rejected all the restaurants we passed (too empty, too expensive, not french enough...) before finally giving up and getting a steak....which was lovely, but relatively expensive, and not really that french and the restaurant really wasnt that full. Then I obviously regretted not going to the earlier ones...lesson learnt!!!

Darragh said...

Only coming to this now sir, sorry! Enjoyable though :)

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

Only out of pure poverty, otherwise would always make the effort.

2. Have you ever done a runner?

Not knowingly, no

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?

Yes but again only out of necessity when they obviously had free tables.

4. Have you ever sent the wine back?

Yes. It was corked.

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?

Yes. Too often.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

No to the males, yes to some of the females.

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?

Gladly no. However have accidentally spilled drinks over friends. Accidentally I swear.

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

No. An ex used to though. I'd find out when we got home.

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?

Not out of anger.

10. Do you fill in the comment card?

Depends on how accessible it is but if it's been particularly good service then yes.

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?

Yes. Cue run to ATM.

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?

No.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

No.

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?

Yes. Waiting for food or service!

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

Ahem, define lewd.

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?

No but asked to if the food was amazing.

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?

Only good things :)

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?

Yes if the service was appalling and there was no communication about why.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

Yes

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?

No

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?

No

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?

Not recently anyways. Hate smokers and loud drunk people though.

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?

Yes

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

Yes

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?

Yes, especially the pretty female ones

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?

Always. What is jus?

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?

No

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?

What?! No!

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?

Compliment them more than complain but if I absolutely feel the need to then yes.

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?

No.

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?

Yes.

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?

Nope.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

Depends on if I'm interested.

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?

God no. Wouldn't eat it if I had!

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?

I suppose so.

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?

No. Should I??

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?

Only with a hug.

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?

Not to my memory.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

Have you heard of McDonald's?

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?

Eh, no.

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?

Other than the children? No.

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?

Everyone is talking about me. EVERYONE!

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?

No, not really

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?

Bed of female virgins please :)

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

Always always.

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?

Yep. I give it a go but still.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

No.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?

No. Then again I'm not looking for that type of thing.

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?

Now there's a good idea.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

Yes. A number of times.

Tara said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Only when I've had no money
2. Have you ever done a runner? Not sucessfully
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? God No!
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Many times.
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) No
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No!!
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? No but I know a man who has.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Yes
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Not yet. Can't be far off though.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Yes.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Nope
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? Nearly...it's long ago now.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? No
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? No
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? No. Is that not very pretentious?
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Not that I can remember.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? That would be mean....so No.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? No. Sounds nice though.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Sometimes.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Hell yeah.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? No.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? No
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No. I'm beginning to think I haven't lived.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? No
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Yes
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Yes
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? No
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No!! Does that happen?!!
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Absolutely not. I have many other reasons to scream.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? No
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Yes.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? No I like nothing to be touching anything else.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? All the time.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? All the time
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? No
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Puke no
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? ...and no!

Anonymous said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
Yes, because I to my shame discovered I had not enough money to tip properly. Told the waiter, though (and showed him my empty wallet)
2. Have you ever done a runner?
Once, because stupid waitress made us wait forever for the bill, and we had a train to catch
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?
No
4. Have you ever sent the wine back?
No, but was tempted once
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
No, but I have said neutral-positive things when neutral-neutral would have been closer to the truth
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
Yes (but not when out on a date, obviously)
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
No
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
I used to steal the odd ashtray back in the days when there were any to steal...
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
No - or at least not to his face
10. Do you fill in the comment card?
No such thing in the places I frequent
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
I always pay cash, don't like to leave too much of a data trail
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?
Sending smeared or otherwise dirty glasses back, yes. Drinking half (or any) of it first: Hell no
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?
Not that I remember
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
Yes, once, in the loo. Just a catnap, though (at a wedding...)
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
No
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
No, but waiters have gone to get the chef of their own accord when unable to answer a question or deal with a complaint
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?
No
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
Yes. Once. Horrible it was (only ate a few bites)
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
Yes
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?
No
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
No
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
No
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?
No
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?
Yes, on business trips
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
No, but I've met types who tried
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?
No
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
Just before dessert/coffee: Yes
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
WTF?? No
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?
Yes
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
No
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?
No
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?
No
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?
Yes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
No
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?
Yes, probably
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?
I pay cash
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?
No
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?
No
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
Yes
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?
No
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
Yes, but I left it at icy glares and mutterings
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?
No
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?
No
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
I like fancy names for food, but it's no must
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?
I pay cash
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
Yes, also because the foreign waiter could not understand me (in like Thai places where they offered French wine but had no idea how it sounded when pronounced in French...)
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?
No
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?
No seen anyone do that, but if I did: Yes, it would make me sick. And I would mention it to the waiter.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?
Definitely no
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
No

smason357 said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
No, but I have stiffed waiters who really deserved it.
2. Have you ever done a runner?
If that means run out on a bill, no.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't No.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back?
This hard to admit, because I know it makes me singularly uncool, but I hate wine. Never order it.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
No
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
No, I am old and ugly.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
No, nor have I done it, but in retrospect there is a guy I ought to have done it to once.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
Heavens no.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
Not to date.

10. Do you fill in the comment card?
I may have a time or 2.


11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
It was once at a chain place. Very embarrassing. Had the husband hot foot it to an ATM for some cash.

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? WTF? Someone would actually do that? That is absolutely revolting.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?NO.
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
No, but I was with my mother in a dinner theater and she fell asleep. And snored.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? NO
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?NO
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?NO
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?NO
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?Yes
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?No
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No, but now that you suggest it....
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? Yes, because the hostess tried to seat us in a smoking section, then by the toilet.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?yes
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?no
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?I was a French major...
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Gag me no.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?no, and what a disgusting thought.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Yep.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?NO
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?NO
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?Usually
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?NO, and if I had I would be on death row for capital murder.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? I don't know, but it might explain a few things....
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Since that one time, yes.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Good grief, no.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Not that I am aware of.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? no
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? no, but I do admire a nice ass.
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes, often.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? NO
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? NO
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Depends on the food I guess.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Yes, since the incident.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Yes, better than trying to say it an looking stupid I suppose.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Not yet, what would you suggest?
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Nope, or I'd have to kill him.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No, in fact when I complain about food I always refuse a comp of any sort. I do this because I want my complaint taken seriously and I feel when you accept coupns or comps or whatever that they immediately disregard the complaint.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
I almost did that once recently when I saw how expensive it was. Finally decided oh to hell with it and ordered. It turned out to be worth it.

Manuel said...

smason357: well done you!!

Anonymous said...

Yes to 5,41, 45, and 46.

No to all others

heather said...

mj, to make your comment show up as bold type add < b > (without the spaces in between) to start the bolding. to end it just add a / between the < and the b. hope that helps. :)

skipped questions can all be answered with a simple no.

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
~~yes, i was out with a few friends. one bill split between us and we somehow managed to forget the tip. i went back the next day to rectify the situation. fortunately our waiter from the night before was working that night as well. added an additional 5% to make up for the oversight.

4. Have you ever sent the wine back? ~~once, we had ordered a bottle of bordeaux that arrived at the table ice cold. i'm not much of a wine drinker but apparently that's not how a bordeaux should be served. (either that or my date was a pretentious ass, either could be true)

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
~~not since my early 20's

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
~~salt and pepper shakers during a scavenger hunt. i think i still have them lol

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
~~no need to swear at someone to tell them off.

10. Do you fill in the comment card?
~~most of the time, always if the service was exceptionally good. fantastic service has been rewarded with follow up calls to the owner/manager and in one amazing case, a letter to corporate headquarters.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
~~yes, i was tought that the waiters are to be complimented on service, the chefs on food preparation.

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?
~~at me, no. to me, yes. people tend to do one of two things around me, cower in fear or relax as if they were around a lifelong friend. (i don't get that at all)

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
~~no, but i can see that sort of thing happening more often in the future thanks to your bad influence. lol

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?
~~inferior, no. less informed, yes.

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
~~i used to before ny banned smoking indoors and before i recently gave up the habit.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?
~~are you kidding me? people do that?!

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?
~~yes, if you can't handle taking a food order from a child who speaks clearly and knows the proper and polite way to ask for what she wants then you should not be working in a family oriented restaurant. (the jackass had the nerve to tell her to let the adults do the ordering since they were the ones paying for it. i pointed out that since she was the one eating it she could order it and that if he ever spoke to my child with that tone of voice again it would be the last time he ever spoke period. and yeah, i was fully aware of the potential repercussions so i spoke to the manager then and there and the manager himself took care of us for the remainder of our visit.)

29. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
~~stoned out of my mind on pot yes, nothing else though.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?
~~sorta, if he's describing something i know i don't like then i don't listen to that part. selective hearing ya know. ;)

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?
~~once. never went back.

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?
~~it's possible

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?
~~once

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?
~~oh yes! while dinning out, shopping, at work, at theaters... you name it. (and i'm a mom! there's no reason to allow your kids to act like brats in public!)

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?
~~depends on what it is but generally no, mainly cause the bed of...something is usually not edible due to it's sitting in a warmer for the last 30 years or so.


46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?
~~i've asked for the pronunciation more than once. i'd rather ask (and hopefully get a correct answer) than mangle a word.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?
~~no, but i have looked at the menu and decided to just do dessert. (it was kinda late to be going in anyway)

Simon said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No
2. Have you ever done a runner? Yes
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? No
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? No
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yes
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? No
10. Do you fill in the comment card? No
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Yes
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? No
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? No(!)
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Yes
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? No
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Yes
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? No
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? No
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? No
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? No
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? No
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Yes
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Yes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Yes
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? No
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes hell Yes
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? No
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Not fussed - if its part of the meal fine, but fanciness for fanciness sake sucks.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Yes
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? No
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? No
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? No and No
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Nope

thisrancidrye said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Negattyive.
2. Have you ever done a runner? What does a job title have to do with it? Busser, runner, hostess, bartender... as long as they're cute.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Nope.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Empty and asking for more.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Probably.
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Of course.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No, the girls I see know the value of such things.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No, but I've received them as presents from those who have.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? I swear all the fucking time.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Ooh. Sometimes.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? No. I pay in cash.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Nope.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? I've probably asked one or two just to take them off.
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? Probably.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? Probably.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No.
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? No.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Yes.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Probably. Not in anger, though.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Yes.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? No.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Sure. I also pronounce the "T" in Merlot. Just to be an ass.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? I enjoy a lovely smoke DURING courses.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? To my company, yes.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Oh. Yes.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? Nope.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Of course not.
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? Nope.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No, but this happens to me all the time with customers.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? I've physically threatened my barkeep, Dennis. He deserves it. He's really talented at getting people drunk.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Yes.
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? Are restaurants in the UK not as fraught with sexual tension as those in the US? If you walk into the kitchen and don't see people dry-humping, it's going to be a rough night. But I've never grabbed for *my* waiter's sugar loaf.
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Constantly.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Don't really care.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? No.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Only if its a water bed of gin.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? No.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? I did that on the regular when I lived in Japan. "Food roulette". Cow tongue is, by the way, delicious.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Nothing I can't tip away.
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Yes and no.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? No.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Kind of. Just really didn't like the menu.

monica said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?
no

2. Have you ever done a runner?
no

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?
no

4. Have you ever sent the wine back?
No but I sent a strawberry margirita (sp?) back after only a sip, cause it tasted like jello, but I was nice about and didn't ask for (or expect) it to be comped, but it was

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?
Not "really lovely" but "ok" or "fine".. usually when something's yucky it's my own fault for ordering it, I'm picky..

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)
yeah, but it was innocent teenage stuff lol

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?
hahaha no

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?
only plastic s&p shakers from a fast food place cause I didn't have any at my new apartment, no point though, they aren't re-fillable

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?
no, they handle my food, geez

10. Do you fill in the comment card?
always, and I'm usually real nice

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?
no, I can't get a credit card and I always keep track of how much money I have on my debit card

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?
ew I wouldn't drink from a lipstick glass, not worth a free drink

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?
no...?

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?
nope

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
no, that's what the backseats of cars are for.

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?
no, I watch the food network 24/7, i know they're BUSY

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?
yeah, but it was cause it was my birthday

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
no

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?
no
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?
no

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?
haha no but good idea!

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
no

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?
no

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?
no

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? no, I know my food.. sometimes waiters make me feel superior, like the guy who thought I was the idiot because obviously "it's sauteed!! that means it's cooked in butter, not oil!" durrr

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? no, like I said, I know my food.. besides I'm a vegan so I don't really order much JUS

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?
usually just one quickly after I order before the food comes...

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? ew no

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? not to management, even if they were awful...

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?
haha no

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?
no, but my boyfriend did once, but we were just having drinks, the people we were with were eating..

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?
no

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? no cause I'm vegan, I usually have to figure out what i can eat before I even step foot in the place..

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? sometimes things get screwed up, like cheese in pasta when I ordered it "tomato sauce NO cheese" but I always check and just assume it's an innocent mistake.. I'm not an annoying vegan and usually don't even mention that I am a vegan so no reason to try to screw with me on purpose..

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? no, but I never talk to anyone..

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? again, n/a

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?
no, but at 5"3 I'm not too imtimidating if I were to..

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? no

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? yeah, when there's nothing I can eat there and am stuck with a crappy wilted salad

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? no, but at my prom I moved my head and bumped into a waitress's bum right behind me.. oops

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? YES

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no, but I'm a sweetie to waiters

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? no

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? not really, especially not greens, they just get soggy and wasted

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? debit card.. yep

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? maybe when I was little

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? no

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? ewww, no

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO, even if you hate something, it's usually your own fault and you shouldn't get a discount for being picky

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? no, but I always check out places before I go

Tatathomas said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Not that I know of.

Have you ever done a runner? If you mean a "Dine and Dash," then no.

Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No

Have you ever sent the wine back? I have never ordered wine in a restaurant. I like beer!

Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Never

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) No.

Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? No, I did see a guy fall on his ass after his wooden leg popped off though.

Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? My boyfriend has stolen a few pizza spatuals.

Have you ever swore at the waiter? Hell no!

Do you fill in the comment card? I'd like to think that I have somewhat of a life, so no.

Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Np, thank God!

Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Nope

Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Who hasn't?

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? I have almost passed out drunk before.

Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? No, I wish I would have though.:(

Have you ever demanded to see the chef? Nope

Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No, I hope never to.

Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Nope

Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? Haha, no

Has a waiter ever swore at you? No, I'm a nice guy.

Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? When I was a teen I filled one out saying that the waitress showed us her tits, and that the bread taseted like a sweaty crotch. All of it fa;se of course.

Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No, just one move.

Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No, if I did I'd just ignore them.

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Never, what fun is that?

Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? Only when he's much better looking that me.

Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? No.

Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Yes, but you can't smoke anywhere indoors in the U.S. So I just wait until everyone else is done.

Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? Uhh, no...

Have you ever complained about the waiter? No, the tip reflected bad service.

Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? If that includes a delivered pizza while tripping on acid, then yes.

Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No, I don't live in a soap opera.

Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No, I have been with a few people who have though.

Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Not really.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No.

Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Probably.

Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? Not really.

Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No, I'm not taking a charge for anyone.

Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? Not yet.

Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? No.

Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No way!

Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? Yes, but I am in control.

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? Never

Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? NO!

Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? A bed of spinach is nice on occasion.

Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? No, but I have pointed at the menu for items with a stupid name, like the "Big, Bulging, Beef Burger."

Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? If quitting on the spot counts, then yes.

Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal?
Did this make you feel sick? No.

Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? Never, I'm not cheap.

Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? Yes, one time when I was still a teen. Some nice old guy picked up the tab for us for some reason.

Melissa said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No, but I have left decent tips when I got crap service...everyone has a bad day.

2. Have you ever done a runner? No way.

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? No.

4. Have you ever sent the wine back? No - I'm not a wine expert, I'm a beer philistine.

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Lots of times. I've complained about my steak maybe 3 times because they never cook it right, now I don't order steak out anymore, it's hopeless.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) No.

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? haha no, but that would be funny. I have, when I was a waitress, dumped a bottle of wine on a customer - actually it ended up in the neck of her dress, upside down, and released all it's contents on her. I don't know how it happened. She was very sweet about it, and still tipped me. How mortifying.

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No, but one time I took a bottle opener from a German brew house. I still have it. Oh, and an oyster shell from an Irish pub in Bangkok which I used for a soap dish. I know, wierd.

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? No way!

10. Do you fill in the comment card? Maybe once or twice.

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Likely, but don't remember off-hand.

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? No way - if I see lipstick on a glass I send it back immediately - GROSS.

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? Seriously? No.

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No.

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
I'm not big on PDA.

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No.

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? No.

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Never.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? No. Does the chef really care?

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Not to my face.

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? haha no.

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?
No, I've never even asked to be moved. I'm a fairly passive customer.

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? No, most of my exes are too poor to eat at restaurants.

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? No, just non-fancy ones.

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? No, I must eat at low class joints.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Probably.

27 Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Yes, if it's ever allowed these days.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? Are you kidding?

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? No.

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? No!

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No. Oh wait, once when I was dining with my parents. Family issues.

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? Sometimes.

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No, but...maybe I should.

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No.

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No.

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? No!

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? No.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? No.

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? haha sugar loaf. no.

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? I've felt the need but haven't done it.

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? No.

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? no, and really, that's the truth.

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Couldn't care either way.

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? Not really.

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Definitely.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? No.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? No, but I did eat somewhere last year where the waiter brought our drinks out to us by bunching them all against his chest, and his finger was in my glass. That kind of grossed me out.

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? no way.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? No, but I have left before seated for the same reason.

Anonymous said...

1.Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

No, having been a waiter for a while I know what its like on that side…

2.Have you ever done a runner?

Once, but it wasn’t my fault, I swear your honour…

3.Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?

No.

4.Have you ever sent the wine back?

No.

5.Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?

No, he rarely cooks it and if its that bad I rarely eat it.


6.Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

No.

7.Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?

No.

8.Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

Possibly, I did once in Romania as the shot glasses were lovely only to find them on sale when I got back in Debenhams.


9.Have you ever swore at the waiter?

No, but I’ve been swore at by a punter, busy lunch time, me going excuse me, EXCUSE ME, trying to lay down three very hot plates, being ignored and finally tapping his shoulder with my elbow was met with a ‘How dare you f*cking touch me’ I swear I thought the owner was going to lamp the man when I passed the story on.

10.Do you fill in the comment card?

Politely, honestly.


11.Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?

Never.

12.Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?

No.

13.Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

?

14.Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?

No.

15.Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

I must refrain from answering that, your honour.

16.Have you ever demanded to see the chef?

No.

17.Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?

Once, very bloody rude if you ask me.

18.Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?

No.

19.Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

Yes.

20.Has a waiter ever swore at you?

No.

21.Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?

No. I’m over fourteen.

22.Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?

No.


23.Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?

Once.

24.Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

No, actually, once, at a conference in London I may have splashed the company credit card a bit farther than usual.

25.Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?

No.

26.Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?

Yes. I can only apologise.

27.Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?

No.

28.Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?

What?

29.Have you ever complained about the waiter?

No.

30.Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?

No.

31.Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?

No.

32.Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?

No.

33.Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

Mostly


34.Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?

No.

35.Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?

Probably, I also did that once with Sinead O’Connor, I swear to God, the embarrassment was horrific.

36.Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?

No.

37.Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?

No.

38.Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?

No.

39.Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

Yes, these bloody posh places sometimes serve food for munchkins.

40.Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?

No.

41.Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?

Yes.

42.Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?

Yes.

43.Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?

No.

44.Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?

No.

45.Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

Yes. For why I have no idea.

46.Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?

No.

47.Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

Possibly.

48.Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?

Yes, and it most certainly did.

49.Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?

No.

50.Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

Maybe.

Em said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

Splitting bills has resulted in my contribution to the tip being . . . . swallowed up. I’ve learnt to slip it in after everyone else has settled on their contribution in and just before someone comes to take it all away.

2. Have you ever done a runner?
Never.

Nope, Couldn’t bear it. I’ve even gone back & paid for my mother when she did.

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?

Not intentionally. A clever friend booked us at the wrong restaurant. The one we showed up at were entirely charming (and not horribly busy).

4. Have you ever sent the wine back?

Yep. It tasted like bread dough before you put it in the oven (yeast)

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?

I’ve told the waitstaff that it was OK. Never told anyone it was lovely when it wasn’t.

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

Of course. I love a charming waiter. I love being charming back. It’s fun.

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?

Nope.

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

I’ve been mortified to get home and find the evidence of someone else’s kleptomania in my (roomy) handbag.

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter?

Other than in the general course of flirting, nope.

10. Do you fill in the comment card?

Comment card? I’ve only seen those in McDonalds.

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?

Yep. After the Waiter put a few extra ‘0’s on the amount. Actually – it didn’t decline until they re-entered the amount and tried to charge it again!!

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?

I’ve noticed after drinking most of the contents. Which is disappointing because then I would feel like a fraud sending it back. To be honest – the infection risk has already been taken and I’ll just reduce the tip.


13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

No. And it probably wouldn’t fit me anyway.

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?

No since I was about 3.

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

At what point does a sexual act become lewd? And in any regards, the answer would be no.

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef?

Not unless I know them already.

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?

Yep. I’m a klutz, and I drop cutlery, bits of food, I spill drinks and occasionally I laugh loudly. All while trying to remain perfectly charming and apologetic.

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?

No. If it was no good, I either made the wrong choice in dishes or restaurants.

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

I’ll tell the waiter who is, at every other point, my conduit to the chef.

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you?

Not within hearing, but I’m sure tipping over jugs of sangria (I offered to pay!) warranted a few swear words.

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?

It could be an idea for McDonalds & various establishment of the same nature. I’ve really never seen them anywhere else.

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?

Only after sitting at a table for half an hour waiting for the rest of the party who were seated at a different table upstairs. We came in under the same booking, in the same name within three minutes of one another.

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?

No – I don’t have a guilty complex. But I have seen an ex flash out the door after I arrived.

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

Work travel does that. Some waiters are extra charming when you’re on your own.

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?

Yes – because I might get paid more, but I couldn’t stand on my feet all day / night, I couldn’t be that nice to that many people for that long, I couldn’t put up with the bullshit they cop. So, yes. I feel a little inferior because some people seem to enjoy and be good at something I simply couldn’t do.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?

No. I might have said JUS instead of JUICE . . . maybe. As a stupid joke.

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?

No. And in my perfect (day dream universe – the one where I am 6 foot tall, have a surprising command of 17 languages and no longer require sleep) noone else would either.

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?

I assume you’ve seen this happen? My OCD tendancies don’t pre-dispose me to this one.

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter?

No need – supervisor saw, heard and sent culprit on break before I needed to.

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?

Probably. Don’t think it was in a restaurant though.

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?

Yes. Handed the waiter a generous amount of cash at the door “this covers 50% of the bill and the rest is a tip. Got it?”

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?

No – I’d probably go back and wait for them to slip me their number.

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

I really need someone to write them down for me. I’m too busy flirting.

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?

I just hope not.

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?

Yes. Often. I once stopped someone to interrogate them about who they were and where I knew them from.

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?

Yes. I know too much about finance fraud.

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?

Other than in the normal course of flirting, no.

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?

See above.

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

Yes. But it is usually at the gelato place down the road.

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?

Other than in the normal course of general klutziness, no.

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?

Who hasn’t?

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?

Of course they talk about me. I talk about them.

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?

No. I reserve that behaviour for dinner parties at home,

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?

Are we flirting here?
In answer to your question, only if the rest of the dish sounds tasty. I was compelled once to try something or other a bed of shredded whitebait tempura. That was weird.

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

I couldn’t bear discovering I no means of payment. Or that someone else has already emptied out the cash reserve.

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?

Many times. Hopefully I can find at least one familiar word to accompany my plea for that ever so tasty dish that I wouldn't be able to identify from the melange of unfamiliar words. If I can’t pronounce it, hopefully I can still eat it.

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

No – but staff in restaurants behaved in a way which they should have been embarrassed. I usually don’t go back.

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?

No. Everyone gets itchy . . . . and the waiter doesn’t, I hope, actually touch my food . . and I have a colleague with far worse personal hygiene issues. And . . I really didn't want t think about this - or waiters that tamper with food.

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?

Not the waiter’s problem. I said earlier, I either chose the wrong dish or the wrong restaurant.

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

I stayed, ordered cheap stuff, left a tip and then been forced to live cheaply for awhile - but promised myself I’d be back for a whole meal with friends one day because it was so good and maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to know why people pay so much money for food.

Anonymous said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? No
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? Yes, what am I supposed to drink corked wine?
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Not that I can remember, but yes
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? NO.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? No- Just Hand Cream from posh places
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? NO
10. Do you fill in the comment card? NO
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? NO
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Yes
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
mmh.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? NO
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? NO
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? NO
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? NO
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? NO
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? NO and I would not
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? NO
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? NO
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? NO
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? I try hard not to
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? NO
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? NO
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Yes
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? NO
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? YES, and I forget everything 5 seconds later
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? NO
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? NO
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?NO
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Yes
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? NO
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? NO
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? NO
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Yes
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? I hate when something comes on a bed of something else, I would set the menu on fire when I read this nonsense
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? NO
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? YES
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? NO
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? NO
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? NO, I don't do Pizza Hut

D said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Absolutely NOT! Although I've been stiffed.
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO WAY!!
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NOPE
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? NOPE
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? YES
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yes, but he was attractive and flirting with me as well.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? Of course not.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Nope, never.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? NO
10. Do you fill in the comment card? Only if it was horrible service.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? NO
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? no.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? NO
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?
nope.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? NO
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Yes. Just making positive comments about my tattoos.
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? NO
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? YES.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? NO
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? NO
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? NO
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? NO, that's ridiculous
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Yes. I rather enjoy taking myself out occasionally.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? once or twice I've been talked to like I'm in Elementary school.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? Haha... no.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Yes, although I'm quitting soon.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? uh, no.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Yes. But only a couple times in my life because they were ridiculously rude/and deserved it.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Not at a restaurant.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? NO
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? NO
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? yes.
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? No.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? Yes.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? NO
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? NO
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? NO
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Nope.
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? NO WAY!!!
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? I've felt the need, but haven't acted on it.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? A couple times, but I was probably just paranoid.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Yes.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? Not really...
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? NO
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? YES. In Asian/Thai restaurants.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? NO
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? NO. GROSS!
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? NO!!!
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? No! That's rude, and I know what I'm in for if I go out to eat.

Manuel said...

cheers d!

LeeLoreya said...

can anyone ever eat on class A drugs?

coke makes one babble to much to put anything else than nonsense in ones mouth

and by the time you're riding the wave of ecstasy or ketamine or meth or mdma, you sure as hell ain't sat on your backside in a restaurant

and i wouldn't recommend it on mushrooms, you'll end up being scared of your chair, and start eating the busboy, or vice versa.

but on mary jane, damn,
the more food the merrier the belly
even exoticisms like sautéed cockroaches

wendy said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? NEVER
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? NO
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? NO
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? yes
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) every chance I get
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? no
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?um...no
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? never
10. Do you fill in the comment card? no
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? no
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? no
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? yes
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? no
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? oh hell yes
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? no
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?no
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? no
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? no
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? no, but I will now
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? no
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? no
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? no
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? lol NO
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? no...used to though
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? no
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? no
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? no, I wish.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? no
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? no
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? no
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? no
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? no lol
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? no
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? no
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? no
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? oh no, but was tempted
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? yes
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? no, but immediately afterward, yes
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? no
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? no
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? yes
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? never
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? no, but I'm sure it would
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? never
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? oh yeah.

Anonymous said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Yeah, not enough money

2. Have you ever done a runner? Once..mate left me to pay the bill when it was her turn to pay!

3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? Aye, worked once or twice too!

4. Have you ever sent the wine back? If it's a bad bottle it'll be sent straight back!

5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? Sometimes..

6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Yeah

7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? She tried, she failed...

8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? Hell Yeah

9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? While drunk yes...

10. Do you fill in the comment card? Nope

11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? Credit cards are evil therefore I don't have one..

12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? Nope..

13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? NO! WTF?!?!

14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? No

15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?That's for me to know and you never to find out!

16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? No

17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? Yes, am not allowed back hahaha

18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? Once or twice...

19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? No

20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? Yes, just before I wiped him out and got barred from the resteraunt.

21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? No...good idea though hahaha

22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? No

23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? Many times yes...

24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? Nope

25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? He/She is the one serving you...makes me far from feeling inferior.

26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? No

27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? Oh aye!

28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? No

29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? Yup, ignorant basatrds!

30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? Hell yeah!

31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? No

32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? No

33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? No because I always order from the menu hahaha

34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? All the time...they all look like dodgy characters to me haha

35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? No

36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? No

37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? Been there, done that, got blood on the t-shirt

38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? See above haha

39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? Normally due to waiting time.

40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? No

41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? YES! all the time!

42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? All the time.

43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? Nope, never.

44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? On a plate does me fine...

45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? No

46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? Yes, quite a few times!

47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Not really....

48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? Once, was another table though!

49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? A few times and it's worked!

50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? No, resteraunt visits are well planned in advance hahaha

rakuette said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? hell no. even when i think they don't deserve anything i still leave 15%
2. Have you ever done a runner?
once. i can explain though. we had gotten one pint and the waitress never came back even after an hour.
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? nope
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? nope
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? yes
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) not that i recall
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? wow, no
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? yes, glassware
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? hell no
10. Do you fill in the comment card? rarely
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? no
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? ew, no
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? no
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? heh, nah
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? nah
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? why? no
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? no
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? hell no
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? nah
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? lol, nah
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? no, but...
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? never
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? nah
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? yes
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? no
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? no
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? sometimes
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? nah
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? no
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? nah
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? no
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? sometimes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? no
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? yes, but more often with bartenders
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? no
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? heh, no
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? nope
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? no
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? heh! nah
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? hell yes
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? bahahaha! christmas work party of '08 baby!
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? no
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? no
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? yes
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? see the answer to #43
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? no and no
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? no
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? nah

Manuel said...

rakuette: way hey! well done you.....

Red Leeroy said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? Never, I have even gone to the shops to get change to give them their 20 cents.
2. Have you ever done a runner? NO
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? I would be too honest.
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? I have.
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? yeah, is this wrong?
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) Manuel, you look lovely this evening.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? no but it's on the wish list.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? i have, ashtrays.
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? no, never, but I wanted to.
10. Do you fill in the comment card? yeah but with rude jokes.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? no.
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? yeah i actually put it on the glass.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? what?
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? yeah, i was the 26th hour and i needed sleep.
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? i never have. haven't lived obviously.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? only when he is my mate.
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? yeah, the word fuckin shitbag was used.
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? no.
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? i have.
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? nah, but he had cause.
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? see above re rude jokes.
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? yeah but only once or twice, and i refused.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no, i have been married since I was 5.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? no, sorry, i never eat alone.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? yes, prick.
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? no way, never, no how.
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? occasionally.
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? nah, i wouldn't notice if it was smeared in shit.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? yes.
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? haha, yeah of course, steak was excellent, my jaw was on the floor.
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? probably, but I dont recall.
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? sadly never.
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? always.
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? i used to work in a kitchen, of course.
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? no, i stalk all my waiters.
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? i use cash.
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? dont be silly. threats get you no where.
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? nope.
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? mcdonalds count? yes.
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? nah, i'm shy.
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? I have asked them to shut the fuck up. yes.
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? sometimes, on class A's.
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? no, i managed to keep it together.
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? not necessarily.
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? nah, I have a 34K limit. bah, of course.
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? I would ask, i am not afraid to eb told.
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? Yeah, but i worked there, so i had to.
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? yes and yes.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? nah, i couldnt.
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? no, i am a total snob.

Native Minnow said...

1. No. That's, even then I give 15%. If I like them, it's usually closer to 20%.
2. Once, but it was an accident - I went back and paid
3. Never
4. N/A
5. Yes
6. Yes
7. No, but that'd be awesome blog material
8. No, but I've been tempted to
9. No
10. Usually not, but have before
11. No
12. No
13. No
14. Does a bar count? If so, yes - but only for a minute
15. I wish!
16. No
17. Yes
18. No
19. No
20. Not that I'm aware of, but probably
21. No
22. No
23. No
24. Define "fancy". Ha!
25. No
26. No
27. No
28. No
29. No
30. No
31. No
32. No
33. Yes
34. Yes
35. Yes
36. No
37. No
38. No
39. Yes
40. No
41. Yes, but have refrained
42. Yes
43. N/A
44. It depends
45. No
46. Yes (now I'm ashamed)
47. No
48. No, but it would if he didn't wash his hands afterward
49. No
50. No. I usually know when I'm in over my head.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something?

No, have left no tip 3 times, but that was exactly what they deserved.

Have you ever done a runner?

No, wouldn't dream of it.

Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't?

No, I have walked in to a restaurant where I am a regular when it was packed and had the hostess pretend I had a reservation and seat me right away while others were waiting though.

Have you ever sent the wine back?

Yes, it was corked (expensive bottle, the somelier came over to taste it and agreed to get me a new bottle).

Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings?

No

Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter)

Yes

Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant?

No, had a waiter spill wine on me and yell at me for bumping in to him and spilling it (he was reaching over my shoulder to put the wine on the table without saying anything). That was one of my $0 tips.

Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant?

No, I have my own.

Have you ever swore at the waiter?

Not to their face.

Do you fill in the comment card?

No.

Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant?

Yes, waiter was very professional. Returned the card in a card folder with a note that my card had been declined and asking me for another card, saved some humiliation as I was on a first date. Called my bank when I got home and was told that my card number was being used to make some suspicious online transactions and they had to cancel my card for security reasons.

Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one?

No, have noticed dirt on a glass, but I always send it back right away.

Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt?

No.

Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant?

No.

Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own?

No.

Have you ever demanded to see the chef?

I have asked to see the chef at one of my regular spots, he is a friend of mine.

Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you?

Yes, he was standing by the kitchen talking to another waiter (it wasn't very flattering)and didn't see me coming back from the restroom. Another $0 tip.

Have you ever refused to pay for a meal?

Only once, but I didn't eat it. Steak was over cooked the first time, under cooked the second time and had to go as the concert I was attending was about to start and couldn't wait for them to fix it. Still paid for everythnig else on the bill and left a good tip, waiter was excellent and it wasn't his fault the chef screwed up.

Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef?

No.

Has a waiter ever swore at you?

Yes, see number 7 and 17.

Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section?

No.

Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once?

No.

Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex?

No, I have seen an ex walk in, spot me, and leave.

Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome?

Yes, usually when travelling.

Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior?

No.

Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS?

No.

Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses?

No, I wait until the meal is over.

Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it?

No.

Have you ever complained about the waiter?

Yes.

Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs?

No.

Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal?

Yes, it was not due to the restaurant but because of a situation between the people I was at the restaurant with. Went to the waiter and settled my part of the tab and then left.

Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number?

No.

Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials?

Sometimes.

Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food?

No.

Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from?

Have said hello, but I knew who she was.

Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card?

No.

Have you ever physically threatened the waiter?

No.

Has the waiter ever physically threatened you?

No.

Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat?

Yes.

Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)?

No.

Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children?

Have wanted to, never actually done it though.

Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you?

Only when they actually were, see 17.

Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal?

No, it's been close but never that bad.

Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something?

No.

Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account?

No, I carry a bunch of cards, one of them will work.

Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was?

Yes.

Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back?

No, I have no shame.

Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick?

No, thank God!

Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it?

No, I don't mind paying for a good meal.

Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut?

Same as the last question.

nick said...

1. Have you ever stiffed (no tip) a waiter when they deserved something? no
2. Have you ever done a runner? yes
3. Have you claimed that you had a booking when you didn't? tried and failed
4. Have you ever sent the wine back? no
5. Have you ever told the waiter the food was really lovely but in fact you hated it but didn't want to hurt his feelings? yes
6. Have you ever flirted with the waiter? (male or female waiter) no, but i have watched my brother do it. and it embarrassed the shit out of me.
7. Have you ever had a glass of wine thrown over you during a lovers tiff in a restaurant? no, but a drunk girl did dump a pitcher on me. accidentally.
8. Have you ever pocketed the cutlery/salt and peppers/glasses/toilet roll from the restaurant? no/yes/yes/yes
9. Have you ever swore at the waiter? no
10. Do you fill in the comment card? sometimes. when i feel like writing something funny.
11. Has your credit card been declined in a restaurant? no
12. Have you ever noticed lipstick on your glass, drink most of the contents then send it back and demand a fresh one? no.
13. Have you ever asked the waiter to sell you his shirt? no
14. Have you ever fallen asleep in a restaurant? no
15. Have you ever taken part in a lewd sexual act in a restaurant, either with someone or on your own? yes. with someone. if a papa johns walk-in freezer counts.
16. Have you ever demanded to see the chef? no
17. Have you ever over heard the waiter talking about you? no
18. Have you ever refused to pay for a meal? no
19. Have you ever asked the waiter to send your compliments to the chef? yes
20. Has a waiter ever swore at you? no
21. Have you ever completed the comment card with fake details and written "Topless waiters and free beer" in the Ideas for Improvement section? something like that
22. Have you ever played musical chairs in a restaurant, I mean asked to move more than once? once. my ex did.
23. Have you ever left a restaurant because you spotted an ex? no. but it's happened to me.
24. Have you ever gone to a "fancy" restaurant on your lonesome? yes. but only to get drunk while i was working overnight for a stage setup/lighting crew in Nashville.
25. Does the waiter ever make you feel inferior? no
26. Have you ever said JUICE instead of JUS? no
27. Do you enjoy a lovely smoke between courses? sometimes
28. Have you ever taken your cutlery to the bathroom to polish it? no. weird.
29. Have you ever complained about the waiter? no
30. Have you ever enjoyed a beautiful meal whilst off your mong on class A drugs? yes
31. Have you ever stormed out in a huff in the middle of a meal? no
32. Have you ever slipped the waiter your phone number? no
33. Do you really pay attention when the waiter tells you the specials? sometimes
34. Have you ever suspected the waiter or someone has tampered with your food? yes
35. Have you ever met your waiter in the street, said hello, but not know where you knew him from? i don't think so
36. Do you get paranoid when the waiter takes your credit card? no
37. Have you ever physically threatened the waiter? no
38. Has the waiter ever physically threatened you? no
39. Have you ever left a restaurant and had to go get something else to eat? no
40. Have you ever reached for a slice of the waiters sugar loaf (bum)? no
41. Have you ever felt the need to scream at somebody because of the noise coming from their children? all the time
42. Have you ever got the impression that the waiter was talking about you? no
43. Have you ever been so drunk in a restaurant, head like a rag doll and arms like lead, that you couldn't eat your meal? yes
44. Do you like your food to come "on a bed of..." something? depends?
45. Do you panic or become slightly worried when your credit card is being processed even though you know there is cash in your account? no
46. Have you ever pointed at the menu to tell the waiter what you want because you couldn't pronounce what it was? yes
47. Have you ever done something so really embarrassing in a restaurant that you cant go back? hmm..
48. Have you ever seen the waiter pick his nose or scratch his bum or fiddle with his armpits during a meal? Did this make you feel sick? yes. no.
49. Have you ever told the waiter you hated your food in order to get discount but really you loved it? no
50. Have you ever taken a seat in a restaurant, looked at the menu, realised you are in over your head, been forced to come up with an excuse like "Oh sorry we just realised we have to pick up our kid", and beat a hasty retreat to the nearest Pizza Hut? no

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