Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Is it Nightclub or Knightclub or even Niteclub?

James Blunt
has a song called "You're Beautiful"
Ironic eh

I'm so tired.

Tired of listening to gossip, gossip and complaints.*

What?

I mean I'm really freaking busted. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you I'm down to about 5 hours sleep or less a day. For a man who, under normal circumstances, rarely sees 11AM I can tell you these are difficult times. I nearly fell asleep at work tonight. I wouldn't mind but it was busy.

Wet Blanket Extraordinaire, James Blunt, was playing nearby and the sort of people who own Coldplay CD's and consider Norah Jones to be talented were out for pre-concert dinner. The restaurant oozed wetness. I bet they thought it was a good idea to get the tickets 6 months ago but now with only an hour or two to go before curtain up the full horror of what awaited them was hurtling towards them like a bus full of kids driven by a drunk blind man. It was no coincidence that I was shifting wine and beer at a rate on knots.

James Blunt makes me want to vomit. His song titles are just so sickly sweet they should come with a recommended daily amount, "You're Beautiful" "Chocolate" "I really want you" "Sugar Coated".

Sugar Coated? What? He's not even fucking trying there. Cunt. His next album will probably be called,

"I'm so very sad and alone without you... James Blunt sings songs about Dead Girlfriends, Dead Bunnies, Clouds that remind him off you, and Special Babies that overcame insurmountable obstacles."
Mark my words....

I get grouchy when I'm tired. I had a very grouchy weekend. It was busy, bend over and take it busy. Which was good and it went damn well. Friday was payday for what seemed like everybody in Belfast. People went bonkers, the threat of world wide recession hasn't arrived here yet. Or if it has well then nobody here seems to be worried......yet. People were tipping like a French Rogue Trader. Which was nice....

But it was a hard weekend. I had lost all ability to be nice/competent by about 8pm on Sunday night. I felt sorry for the cute Belgian couple who had the honour of getting served by bizarro world Manuel. He is the opposite of regular Manuel, not so nice, not so amusing, not so good at his job. They were Belgian, I'm sure they never noticed......

But the weekend did throw up two stories that just say everything about Belfast....

Firstly there was the story of the man who got refused entry into a Belfast Nightclub (remember when nightclub was spelt with a K? Ah happy days). He was knocked back for wearing a stripey jumper. The bastard. I'll let the Irish News explain the rest of the story....

Bouncers at the newly-opened Scratch nightclub on Lower Crescent have ruled that the popular jumper design doesn't fit in to their idea of 'smart/casual'.

Security staff have been told not to allow revellers wearing the familiar style of sweater through their doors at the venue, previously The Fly, as it launches a new image.

One customer, business director Ian Latimer fell foul of the new dress code during a recent night out.

The 31-year-old was only allowed in once he changed his clothes.

"I had got out of the taxi and went to the bouncer to ask where the nearest bank machine was and after telling me it was around the corner, he said, 'By the way, you won't get in with that top on, because it has horizontal stripes.'

"I think probably 99 per cent of men aged 25 to 35 in Northern Ireland got a stripey jumper for Christmas from their mother, sister or girlfriend and it is ridiculous to say that a 'certain classification of person wears it'."

Bwahahahahahaha brilliant. By why now? Why now, in the 21st century, are we banning people from nightclubs who wear stripey jumpers? Why not years ago?! Rumour has it he has taken his case to a Human Rights Lawyer. Why stop there? Call Amnesty International! Call The Red Cross! Call International Rescue. You got knocked back from a bar for wearing a shity jumper, get the fuck over yourself.

And then there was this story. But it's just too easy. Read it yourself.....

*name the song...

28 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Queen Of Clean said...

Ah poor Manny...get some sleep love, (says she who has to be up for work in a few hours!)

BTY are there any 'virgins' in Belfast?

Queenie...'untidy whore'...do I win?

Manuel said...

as in the shop? or are you asking something else entirely? Cos if it'd the shop then no....it's changed it's name to zavi or something shit like that.....

Roger said...

James Blunt? Jammy Cunt more like. Was in James Street South today Manuel and quizzed my waiter as to your identity they reckoned Hastings?

Manuel said...

Roger: welcome, you're the jammy one more like...James St South on a Monday night....hastings? Hell no.......Manuel doesn't do hotels.....

Old Knudsen said...

Whats with the bad mood mate? nothing a bit of waxing wouldn't solve.
Both you and Eddie have put me to shame so I have submitted my own jelly like arse to MJ for display that will give you something to mock and deride (but not in a ghey way)

Will James Blunt truely replace Gareth Hunt in the world of slang?

Medbh said...

Asking for pizza before coming down was a cheeky move.

I'm surprised you're so busy, Manuel. I thought January was slump time for restaurants.

The Troll said...

I'll bet you wish you were me and happily ignorant of whoever the fuck James Blunt and the other UK celebs of the moment are.

By the way, what does that Winehouse whore do for a living? Sing? Dance? BBC Commentator? What?

conortje said...

The bouncer was probably overweight and jealous that he couldn't get away with wearing horizontal stripes!

Blunt is pure evil. At least Norah Jones is pretty.

dave said...

I once got knocked back from The Point in the City of Lisburn because I 'wasn't a regular'. WTF!!??
It had only been open for 6 days.

James Blunt...I agree. Someone should put a contract on his whiny ass.

nursemyra said...

I'm still wondering what happened to the bbc's spellcheck.......

Gypsy said...

Jesus!! When I think of the sins my old cronies and I committed against fashion in the 70's and 80's, it makes me laugh out loud that someone would be refused entry because they were wearing a striped jumper. I'm talking HUGE flares, HUGE platform shoes and skin tight shirts (think Saturday Night fever). We thought we were so HOT.....

Get some sleep you poor darling. We can't have you being all grumpy....

sheepworrier said...

The funniest thing about yer fella getting knocked back is that its The Fly (no matter what they change the name to) - one of the shittiest pubs in Belfast. I wouldn't queue in there if Jeffery Donaldson was getting a public beheading.

You didn't mention the 'riot' in Newcastle. 5 policemen get a bit of a kicking and they call it a riot - standards are slipping in our wee country!

ejh said...

Sure 'tis the same at any place when they redecorate, they'll do anything to get a mention in the papers. At another place I know of they changed the clothing policy every week, just to guarantee a steady stream of people getting knocked back. More people will want to go to a place if they think that others won't get in.

Anyway, as someone said, the Fly is shite, so it's no loss...

yoyo said...

Yeah I allways thought James Blunt was a bit of a pussy, thought about kicking his ass just so he'd make a sad song about me doing so, then I found out the guys a freaking ex-marine or something and could probably rip us all to shreds, should he chose to.
So... yeah..

*wanders off and listens to 'no bravery' again*


*and again*

Conan Drumm said...

I suspect it's a "No Celtic" thing (green and white stripes, for those unfamiliar with it) but so as not to be eh... discriminatory... they're pretending to be discriminating, on matters of style?

Get some kip.

Mudflapgypsy said...

I seem to be suffering the 5 hr thing myself. I blame you.
I haven't been wearing my tinfoil hat, though I hear that it only makes things worse.

James Blunt. So, what sort of humanoid goes to see and hear this man. We need demographics here.

Stripey jumpers are now being associated with spides, 'cos thats who I see wearin' 'em.

Dennis the Menace is now banned?

I remember when Belfast got the -you can't wear that in here- virus. I stopped going to those kinda places forthwith, can't say I got too upset about it.

Back in the 80's the spides all wores suits and ties when they went out. They never banned that uniform. Maybe they should go back to it?

sheepworrier said...

What do you call a spide in a suit?
The accused.

I'll get me coat...

Queen Of Clean said...

I was refering to your quiz...'name that tune'...Bauhaus...? you really need some shut eye.

Manuel said...

Old K: yes and he has.......i'm off to Mj's for a peek now....

Medbh: Friday was pay for most people ......so the Jan blues have been banished

The Troll: She is a figment of our imagination....a modern day boogieman....

Conortje: Probably correct...

Dave: Ha you make me laugh every time....city of lisburn hahahahaha

Nursemyra: not for me to say.....

Gypsy: I'm sure you were and still are hot......I had a fantastic sleep it has to be said....

Sheepo: I would...I'd queue for days in the rain to se that. Riot? Pfft......I remember back in '70.....blah blah blah

EJH: welcome...and it's true....

YOYO: marine my arse......"in the navy...." and all that

Conan: No Conan it really is a stripey jumper thing and not a Celtic thing. Lots and lots of spides as we call them (knackers elsewhere) wear such jumpers so it was a way of keeping them out.

Muddy: I serve lots of very well dressed people who are utterly hideous scumbags. It's not the clothes that makes a person....

Sheepo: hehehehehe

Queenie: Jesus....sorry queenie....I'm very much awake now.....

bendersbetterbrother said...

I've never been to a nightclub with a K. Did you mean N?

I do remember the Nite-clubs. Fuck do I hate bastardised spelling like that. What purpose does it serve to re-invent the spelling of the word you mean to use? Equally I'm hacked off at Coke LITE.

Manuel said...

BBB: I used to work in a Knightclub.....or was it a Klub? I'm with you on this i hate it.....

MJ said...

Manuel, I'm holding off on posting Knudsen's arse but I'll give you the heads up when it makes it debut.

You're not ready for it. It puts you and Eddie Waring to shame.

I'm bracing myself in advance for the fallout and petty jealousies that will arise.

Native Minnow said...

I agree. James Blunt sucks.

I thought Vegas dress codes were strict.

Manuel said...

Native: Belfast is a very classy town....bwahahahahaha I cant even say that with a straight face....

Niall said...

im glad im not out in belfast no more. The fly is the fly and always will be, the doorstaff are prob the same pricks that have been there for years. makes me laugh. but people will still go.

Bock the Robber said...

How dare you slag James Blunt? He's a fuckin war hero. Or something.

Manuel said...

Bock: or something.....covers a lot those two little words......

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