Friday, 28 December 2007

Valid if you are 7, idiotic otherwise.....

Some people have too much time on their hands and little to be worrying about. I don't mean bloggers, we are vital and important and pioneers of the new media. Or maybe not. But honestly some people must really be living charmed and easy lives. A friend, who must remain nameless but lets call him Percy, works for the BBC. He answers viewers questions regarding BBC programmes. Important stuff like, where did Dot Cotton get her blouse from? And is Matthew Amroliwala married?

Seriously?

What?

Is there nothing else going on in your life?

Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a bit trivia, it cant all be global warming and debating the Middle East situation. But for someone to be bothered to get off their arse, search for the appropriate phone number, dial said number, ask ridiculous question and wait for the answer boggles the mind. He has been swamped with idiots viewers asking about the new BBC ident showing penguins ice skating. And what is it that is keeping the nation awake? What aspect of the trailer is bugging the viewers the most? Let me tell you dear readers, the question that is keeping Percy in a job and that has taken up more of his time than anything else recently is.....Are the penguins real?

That would be these penguins here, the ones ice skating, trying to get stuff from the vending machine, and pirouetting on the ice.



Are they real? Are you fucking real? Are you toot tooting on the crack pipe? Unless you are 7 years old that is not a valid question for anyone to ask. It's a bloody good job I don't work with Percy. The first few phone calls would be amusing but after that I don't think I could hold back from patronising the hell out of them. And laughing at them. I'd be laughing loud and sneering too. Laughing, sneering, and patronising.....well I am a waiter, what would you expect? Oh and I would definitely start lying to them. "Oh yes sir, the penguins are real. We got the people from Disney to train them. But we had to shoot them after as we couldn't release them back into the wild."

So just to save our Percy from any more ridiculous questions let me clear up a few things...
  1. The penguins in the video are not real. They were created on a computer.
  2. The dinosaurs from Jurassic Park, also not real and also created on a computer.
  3. Matthew Amroliwala is real, and is married with four children.
  4. I have no idea where dot Cotton gets her blouses from, but any charity shop should be a good bet.
  5. Gary Lineker is also real but his tan is fake, probably St Tropez.
  6. Jeremy Paxman, not real, and was also created on a computer, probably by NASA.
This is where the license fee goes people...........think about that when you have to renew.....

There will be more from Percy, he is a never ending source of blog gold, which is better than actual gold.....

17 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Sassy Sundry said...

They are to so real, Manuel. Are you 7? Now where did my pipe run off to?

Manuel said...

bwahahaha

MJ said...

Does Percy have a blog? If not, please encourage him.

Is he looking for another job? If so, I'll replace him.

I know where Pat Butcher gets her earrings. Fans mail them to her.

Manuel said...

Mj: I've said it to him but....I'm gonna encourage him to guest on her occasionally.....

Gypsy said...

We want Percy.....We want Percy.... OMG he would be fantastic to have as a guest spot on your blog. Those penguins are very cute but yeah....the crack pipe has obviously been a big hit in some of these households. Geez....

ellie said...

A woman once rang me up at work to say she had hurt her leg, we have to record accurate information so I asked her which leg, I still chuckle at her reply....

"The one nearest the kitchen door!"

I couldn't talk I just slid off my chair with tears streaming down my face. I would be so crap at Percy's job.

The public, don't you just love them?

fatmammycat said...

ahahha, dear oh dear, but it does remind me that the little Goth Kid once asked me if wasps had hands. I believe she was 15 at the time.

Medbh said...

Love the part about shooting them.
Heehee.
Do they also ring up and ask Percy if Santa is real? Or jeebus?

angela said...

well, to be fair, they are quite well done, aren't they? i mean the penguins.

...teeheehee.

Native Minnow said...

So, is there any way I could adopt one of the penguins so you don't shoot them? I'd much rather club them. It's more primal.

Mr. DNA said...

REAL, REAL, REAL, IT'S ALL REAL!

Don't listen to Manuel. Next he'll be telling us that Uri Gellar is a fake!

If I've said it once, I'll say it again, Everything on the internets is REAL!

You just gotta have faith.

EmmaK said...

This is not really BBC related but I have always wondered (ask Percy if you can) whether those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz are 1. kids in monkey costumes 2. midgets in monkey constumes 3. early animatronics or what???

upset waitress said...

Every night in the bathroom my boyfriend polishes his penguin.

savannah said...

jaysus1 i thought we were stupid, sugar, but ya'll take it to another level!

happy neww year! ;-)

MJ said...

EMMA: They were midgets.

See Percy? I could be your assistant.

Manuel said...

gypsy: watch this space....

ellie:bwahahaha

fmc: as above

medbh: you have to assume so.....

angela: crack?

minnow: ah the traditional way....

mr dna: double crack?

ems: check mj.....she knows....

upseto: ha!

savannah: no no we have our fair share of idiots....

mj: thanks for clearing that up...

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