It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

I very rarely want to hug a customer, but tonight I wanted to hug a customer and tell them everything was going to be okay. I wanted to take their pain away. I wanted to make sure they didn't do anything silly. Let me tell you the saddest Christmas story ever.

A young lady had booked part of the building to host her birthday party. The room had been reserved months in advance. She had secured the services of two "cool" DJ's. She assured the management that the night would be a big one. The place was to be teaming with people. We were to expect anywhere between 150 and 200 happy revelers. The bar was stocked, extra supplies were at hand too, should the expected numbers arrive.

The troops were in position, the DJ's had set up, the birthday girl looked a peach in her birthday suit.....of jeans and sleeveless top. She was ready to welcome her guests. The bar staff were ready to welcome her guests. The doormen were ready to ogle her guests, sorry I mean open the door for her guests. All was in place for a fantastic night to celebrate the day 20 something years ago when the gracious host was brought into this world. All we needed now where the party guests.

They never came.

Well that's not strictly true. There were 6 when I left at 11pm, but that did include the birthday girl and the DJ's. OUCH, that has to be a blow to the old self esteem. Actually it's more than that isn't it? It's worse than an actual kick in the teeth. Harder to swallow than a bag of badgers. Man that's gotta leave you reaching for the whiskey and vicodin. Saying that it left the bar staff with grins from ear to ear as they rock, paper, and scissored to see who was going home early. Silver linings and all that.....

What you need in times like this is a service to ease the pain......and make your party look good. Some sort of rent-a-friend service. I've been thinking about it since I got home. There are solutions for most of lives little problems so why not for bad parties?

solutions and logistics?
it must be good!

At 20 minutes notice my service will flood your party with drunk, or sober, revelers for a simple fee starting at £1000.00 plus bar expenses. We will also provide presents (at extra cost), photographs (first 10 free and then £15.00 per ten thereafter, celebrities can be photoshopped in, call for quote). We will also text and phone you during office hours to thank you for throwing such a great party thus adding to the illusion. No significant other to share your birthday, work promotion, religious occasion, house warming? Don't fret, rent-a-friend has you covered. With our premium "parent blocker" package we will provide you with someone to pose in all photographs with you, hold your hand all night, say nice things about you to your parents, and be there for you all night (sex not included or offered).

So take the trauma out of your next birthday dial 0800n-o-m-o-r-e-l-o-n-e-l-y-n-i-g-h-t-s and let rent-a-friend give you the party you deserve. And you do deserve it.....