Wednesday, 18 April 2007

The Management

Worst boss ever! No sense of humour and dished out written warnings out like confetti.

Manager: The career goal of every employee too useless or lazy to do any real work (from urban dictionary)

It appears the management at work do not like being referred to as the "management". I'm not sure what the reasons for their dislike at this particular moniker are. God, I hope its not because "we are all one team" or other such bed wetting hand holding tree hugging sort of crap. That would be so depressing. Because, until we earn the same we are on very different teams. You have a bmw, I have a bmx. To be fair they aren't a bad bunch but I dont want them coming into the staff room to see how things are at grassroots, or to touch base, or touch anything. They have a lovely office to hang out in, sorry I mean work in.

Mangers come in a number of different styles, from the psychotic and insecure to the wet and malleable. I like my managers out of the way until I need them. The best managers are the ones that let you get on with your work without the need to micro manage every minute detail. The worst are the wet ones who cant make a decision to save themselves or me as the case maybe. My favourite manager/boss was a right mentalist. He loved his narcotics! Oh how he loved his narcotics. He wore a mask for a week once, one of those deviant sort masks from "EYES WIDE SHUT", just for the hell of it. The look of horror on the customers faces! Priceless! If he found a song that he liked he would play it repeatedly, "SHE" by Elvis Costello was played 20/30 times in a row one day. I twitch when I hear it now. But he had a passion for the job and cared about the cheesecake and other details. Whilst he was fretting about the cheesecake the cafe could have been burning down though. He went to rehab and is all better now. I miss the old him.

So if they don't like being referred to as the management what else can we call them, apart from the obvious.

  1. Office monkeys (this is were they spent most time!)
  2. Pen pointers (used as penis extensions)
  3. Key janglers (the bigger the bunch of keys, the bigger their insecurties)
  4. Boss/Chief (only when you need a Saturday off or have fucked up)
  5. Seagull (arrives out of nowhere, shits on you, then disappears)
All other suggestions will be greatly received.

15 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

toast said...

interesting you mention the music because i was just going to ask for your comments on this:

what music, and why?

also - change the banner ad link - its slowly driving me mad not being able to click back

toast said...

trying the link again

paddy said...

Jesus, you'll frighten people with that photo.
How about "Anal characters" in the Freudian sense of the word. Or just plain uptight rigid fuckers, who work 90 hours a week for buttons. Don't get me started! Cheers: Paddy

Manuel said...

toast tonight I swear! As for the other thing I can see a whole post being developed on the back of thon

Manuel said...

paddy "uptight rigid fuckers, who work 90 hours a week for buttons" too close to the truth!

whyioughtta said...

"productivity anti-matter"?
"profit sponges"?

I've had a few psychotic bosses in my time too. One was a bi-polar florist, old man Miller let's just call him. He'd have me in tears within seconds of arriving. I don't cry easily, really. When I finally quit in an angry bout, I threw my stem-trimming knife at the table for emphasis and it impaled itself right between his fingers, miraculously missing him by a few centimetres. A few months later he drove by and waved and instead of waving back I showed him which finger he'd almost lost in the attack.

Joanna Newsome...very cool. I love "Be A Woman."

Troika said...

And after all that you find out the fucker is your Dad.

Fat Sparrow said...

"All other suggestions will be greatly received."

"Massive cunt" always works well, I've found.

Troika, you are fucking hilarious.

Conortje said...

I wish my manager did drugs. Sobriety is so overrated.

Manuel said...

wio: profit sponges? love that! Ms Newsoms first album is brilliant the second Ys, is pish.

fat sparrow: already there fat sparrow already there

conortje: let me tell you there were bad days too, for example the day he barred a 4 month old child from the cafe!

Conortje said...

I bet the sprog deserved it though :-)

Manuel said...

Oh God yes, it was early in the morning at it was crying the house down thus ruining the bosses pre lunch coke buzz

Kav said...

I've been trying to leave a comment on this blog for two fucking days. What's the story there? I keep getting rejected.

Anyway, great stuff. Keep it up, and cheers for stopping by over at mine.

Manuel said...

Kav, theres me thinking "he's a rude fuck!" Onlt joking I don't know whats being goin on! I'll have a sniff about...

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