Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Satan's personal chef


undead undead undead

Despite my utter dislike and natural aversion to most human beings I can get on well with most people, if even for a short period. White supremacists and members of the SWP aside, obviously. It's the same at work. I 'd rather get on with people than fight them, but I wont hold back from a bit of verbal if I have to. Only very occasionaly do those I can't be arsed with get a force ten "FUCK OFF".

My most recent incident of "toe to toe spit in the face" verbals was with the second chef, "Raul". I don't mind admitting I was left shaking after it. I am rarely bettered in such confrontations, and there is no one on here who can contradict me! "Raul", though, is different gravy, very different gravy. He is a cold, silent, brooding, loner of an enigma wrapped in a chefs jacket wrapped in a mystery. These are qualities that I usually admire. But not when they combine to create fear.

Little is known about him. Some say he is from that bastion of liberal thinking and free love, Larne. Some say he was crafted from a block of ice left over from an ice age of millenia ago. He doesn't sweat. Not a drop, even when the temperature reaches silly degrees. He has no reflection and casts shadows even when there is no light. Children and animals fear him. He was the subject of the Tom Waits song "Whats he building in there?". He has no known friends save for an old pairing knife he calls "bleedy". He thumbs it's point with un-nerving regularity. He hates waiters and people with hands in general as he heats the plates to a point were you can hear the food bubbling on the way to the table. When not shouting he speaks in a low montone voice, and never repeats himself. When he laughs you cant see him. When you look into his blood shot eyes you see nothing but the bodies of dead waiters piled high. He is the blackness, the night, the chef who never eats. He is darkness personafied. There is a special place for him in hell when he returns. And he likes it like that. He is the devils personal chef.

All I wanted was a fucking staff meal. Cooker jockey.

10 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

paddy said...

Sounds like my grandfather, and let me tell you he was one tough bastard, from Belfast. He made grown men cry; a fact, I kid you not.
The real bad news is: he lived till he was 96, and saw many of the hell wishers off into hell.
Sincerely Yours. Make three wishes and they're yours.

Lula Bell said...

He obviously wasn't breast fed

Manuel said...

he was, by a goat

Old Knudsen said...

I worked in Larne once, the ferries (but I'm not ghey) you have to kill Raul to show you're not to be messed with, the prison way.

Cybez said...

Aye, them Larne folk a world apart.

whyioughtta said...

Rowrrrr...Raul sounds muy sexy.

I'd like to point out that you mentioned Tom Waits...here's some "new" music for you (heh heh): check out Land of Talk. http://www.landoftalk.com/

Montreal band, they feckin RAWK.

Manuel said...

Old K: I have considered that option as I cant be having my position brought into question. As the only male on the floor in the restaurant the little ladies look to me for protection from the evil upstairs. How to kill the undead though, its a perplexing issue...

cybez: I'd be happier if it was worlds, solar systems, even dimensions apart/away!

wio: Sexy? It would be like dating the badie from Wolf Creek. And toche my dear touche!

Conortje said...

Can you ask him what he was building cause I've been dying to know for years?

Manuel said...

Building resentment and hatred from what i can gather.

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