Eddie update...and it's a shocker...
The only thing stranger than 6 tables of 2 not showing up on the same night is all my tables showing up as expected, which they did tonight. In they marched on queue, smartly turned out, said please and thank you, ordered well, tipped better and left without having to be lifted by the scruff and chucked onto the street.
It was all quite shocking!
It was as if I had crossed into bizarro restaurant.
But it wasn't the only shocking revelation of the night!
Oh hell no....
don't cry
a new man whore will be along soon...
Brace yourselves...
...for I have news of such great importance and significance,
news that shocked even me,
ladies and gentlemen, I'm not sure how to break this to you....I'll just come right out and say it.....that's the best way...like pulling off a plaster, quickly, it will sting for a minute but we can deal with it.....together...
There I've said it. I'll repeat it for anyone who didn't quite get that, Eddie our in house man whore, the man who will move on anything, hell he'll move on anything even if it isn't moving, he'll hit on it until it moves, is engaged to be married.
I'm chuffed for him, I really am. But it does leave us with one large man whore shaped hole that needs filled. (lovely image eh?) It is the law that every bar/restaurant/hotel must have a whore. Eddie was ours. So if Eddie is retiring from active service who can take his place? Someone needs to be able to take the harmless flirting to the next level. If we have no one to perform such a role we are in danger of losing credibility.
Eddie was the perfect man whore as he had a touch of tact and subtlety about him. He wouldn't kiss/shag and tell. And damn it he got the job done. There aren't any obvious candidates to take his place. The next most obvious candidate just got married, so he's out, well hell he better be. With Eddie now in line for matrimonial bliss that brings the total engaged at work to seven out of a staff of about 30. And every last one of them is under 30, hell most of them are under 25.
Good grief!
There should be a law against being married before you are 30. Or am I just bitter? Hard to say...
There are two more chaps in line for this most important of positions but they are young and lack the finesse that the role deserves. Ready to know the ways of the Jedi man whore they are not. Clark Kent is eager enough and has shown lots of promise but is too ready to spill the beans after. Nobody needs or wants to know! So he needs to be schooled. Eddie needs to guide him and take him under his man whorish wing. Maybe he can run some sort of training course. Day one "flirting", day two "sweet love making", day three "acting like nothing happened whilst still being friends."
Work will be a stranger place without finding Eddie out on the back stairs whispering sweet nothings into the ear of a charming young/old woman. Huzzah for the woman who changed Eddie from a man whore to just a man! As Eddie is a rock child I foresee the wedding being something akin to the video for "November Rain" by GnR. Quality.......
So rest easy, our man whore king is dead.....but there will be another along presently......please form an orderly queue.
