Champions

чемпионы

and to my best mate in the world
hard luck big fella

Australians...

Pensioners eh?

Don't want to talk about it...

...still too raw man...

...too raw.

But in other news...fat handed twat...

I posted a short piece about Australians on Wednesday, "Lovely people, great guests, pishy tippers."

Well guess what?

Yup...

...that's right I had nearly forty booked for dinner tonight.

It was a tale of two tables. One arrived on time, kept themselves to themselves, ordered well and kept the drinking to the minimum. They left after exactly two hours having paid the bill and service charge without complaint. The other table were, how shall I put this, they were different......

To start they kept phoning and changing their numbers , this caused to me to change and reset the table 3 times. First it was 20 then 25 then 19 then 25 again. I loved having to do that! I mean who wouldn't want to have to do the same thing 3 times over again inside an hour? Then they were going to be about 15 minutes late then it was half an hour.

They eventually arrived 2 full hours late. I was catatonic. Is that too strong a word? I don't think so. I was actually sent for a smoke at one point to calm down. It didn't work neither did the one I had straight after that. In they sauntered as if all was well in the world, little groups of two and three at a time. I could barely utter a pleasant word. This would be swift and free from my usual chat and jokey persona. Eat pay tip leave.......now!

I explained to them that they were two hours late and that the restaurant was closing soon. I explained to them that children were not permitted in the restaurant after 9pm, we were well past that at this point. I made the point that all was not well in my world. They didn't seem to care.

"Oh no worries mate, we'll be right." He said in that relaxed and life is easy sort of way.

"We'll be right?"

"We'll be fucking right?"

The fuck did that mean?

I got their food order, rang it in, and went back for the wine order. I was in a darker mood than Tim Burton on a bad day. Seriously I must have been like having Leonard Cohen as your waiter. One chap wanted to take care of the wine order, two Beaujolais and two Ned to start. He told me to keep it coming and then a strange thing happened. With one magnificent move my mood was lifted. I was transformed. I was sweetness and light.

There is nothing and I mean nothing like getting a fifty stuffed into your hand to perk you right up. He owned me now, I knew it, he knew it, and I didn't care. They ate and drank and drank and drank until there was nothing left to eat or drink. They settled the bill with service included and tip on top.

So with that in mind.....

A is for...

...Australians. Lovely people, great guests, no idea about timekeeping, fantastic tippers and will always be served by Manuel.

Whine, wine, and eh tea....

If I had a "proper job", as parents and people who work in offices and those who cant handle a career in catering call it, and I was about to enjoy a long bank holiday weekend then I would be filling my fridge and wine rack full of lovely wine. But I don't and I'm not. But if I had and I was these are what I'd be passing the weekend away with...

The Ned Sauvignon Blanc 2006 Marlborough, New Zealand

Alcohol content: 13.5%
Bottle Top: Screwcap (how easy is that at 3 in the morning?!)
Style: Dry
Grape: Sauvignon Blanc
Flavours: Fruity, gooseberry, fresh
Price: £7.00 to £10.00
Further info: best website ever...

Now I've mentioned this before but never in a proper post. Man this stuff rocks. It's named after the tallest peak on Marlborough, which is interesting. I've always been a bit of a sucker for the New World wine names, put a bottle called Madfish or Black Stump or something equally upsetting to the French in front of me and I'm on it quick as a flash. It is fresh and zingy and very easy drunk (and who doesn't love an easy drunk). There is a sharpness to it that could wake the dead but without being overbearing. It bursts with a flavour that really does have you reaching for yet another glass if not another bottle. This bottle came second in our last wine tasting at work. Second? Are you sure? Are you smoking crack? I was about the only one who rated it ahead of the Chateau Bauduc. The rest were all a flutter as the Chateau Bauduc is Gordon Ramsay's house wine don't you know. The Ned, get it in til ye as they say on the slopes in New Zealand (or maybe not).

Sierra Cantabria 2003, Spain

Alcohol content: 13.5%
Bottle Top: Actual proper cork, how quaint
Style: Light
Grape: Tempranillo
Flavours: Soft, light, berry flavours, oak but not too oaky
Price: £8 to £10.00
Further info: Sierra Cantabria

I love this wine too. It's got a nice light flavour of berries and oak, but not that over bearing oak flavour that makes you want to chop down trees and beat members of Greenpeace. If you aren't really a fan of red wine or a girl this is a great wine to start with. Try it with all meats, if you have to eat with your wine, or even with strong flavoured fish. These chaps have been making wine for about 4000 years or something (you sure it's not since 1870 Mr Hyperbole - LMM) so they know what they are doing. I got absolutely smashed out of my mind on it one night with my cousin. Bottle upon bottle was consumed. This led to the usual 2 day hangover with accompanying wailing, moaning, and even some crying but we both agreed that wine was a great way to do it. Unlike most reds this wine leaves your head on the next day. Which is more important than whether you can taste strawberries or not...

So whilst you are all getting smashed to pieces on my wine selections I'll be working my fat ass off and occasionally enjoying my most favourite tipple of choice...

Tea

Alcohol content: 0%
Bottle Top: eh cup actually
Style: Dry, very dry, 3 bags per cup, no milk
Grape: Marks and Spencer's extra strong tea-bags
Flavours: Dry, tar like,
Price: 10 to 12p per cup depending on number of bags used
Further info: The Tea Council (Honest Ihaven't made this up)

God I love a cuppa. I mean I really love a cup of tea. Sort of makes you want to cry for me eh?

Have a good bank holiday weekend, I hope your head's hurt come Monday....