Budge up Salman
From the BBC...
Man kidnapped in Ukraine released
A London waiter kidnapped in Ukraine has been released after his family paid a ransom of £10,800.
Eren Parker, 25, from Penge, south London, went missing while on holiday in southern city Odessa on 9 April.
His cousin, Erol Kesen, said Mr Parker was kidnapped by a gang who stunned him with a Taser gun and bundled him into a van after he had left a casino.
He returned home on Friday suffering from shock, cuts and bruises after his family paid a ransom, Mr Kesen said.
Believed 'rich'
He said Mr Parker was initially held in a garage then taken to a flat in the city.
The gang originally demanded $60,000 (£41,360) to release Mr Parker but agreed to hand him over in exchange for a smaller amount.
Mr Kesen said: "I was told the average wage in that country is $100 a month so I guess they thought he was rich because he was a Westerner and had been in the casino."
A Foreign Office spokeswoman said: "We were informed on 16 April that Mr Parker is safe and well."
Oh my! Be safe in the knowledge that Manuel has been moved to the same secret location where that insufferable bore Salman Rushdie was kept after the release of the Satanic Verses. Little Miss Manuel insists that neither she nor The Cousin will, on principal, negotiate with terrorists and that they are welcome to keep me as long as they want.
Charming.
a Manuel's Ransom
29 People trying to get Manuel's attention:
It's not such a secret location if you're using your iPhone!
mj: shhhhhh
heh.. MJ has your number in more ways than one.
wendy: don't encourage her.....!
That was hilarious! I think they are coming your way so take care! They are especially looking for bloggers who have won countless awards and are followed by media everywhere they go.They think you have a stash so make a run for it.Now!
steve: that wont be me then.....arf!
Have you heard about Salman Rushdie's new book? It's called Buddah is a fat bastard.
I could do with a black pen.
Totally unrelated question...how many people do you think it would take to lift you into a van? Hypothetically.
bpc: arf arf arf....
99 words: you don't need anybody..just leave a trail of black pudding leading into the back of a ford transit and I'm all yours....but be warned I'm still farting like a hippo....
$100/month? shit. why am i living in the US? i could sell my posessions and live like a king there... how's the vodka?
(thanks for a much needed laugh today - first of the day at nearly 8pm)
daisyfae: tough day? oh my....
Ditch The Cousin for your own safety, cousins are the common link in the story.
Worst vacation ever.
ellie: aha! so it is.....he has been looking shifty of late
medbh: hahaha no question.....
What is the appropriate percentage of the ransom? Does it depend on the level of torture and other conditions under which the hostage is kept?
Typical kickback to a kidnapped waiter is in the region of 10%. It is also considered good etiquette to not chop off any of their digits for mailing to the family, as such butchery severely impacts upon the waiter's ability to continue their chosen profession.
Awkwardness ensues when, in the future, you inevitably find yourself being served by a waiter you once kidnapped and ransomed. In those situations, it's best to just upend your table (as a diversion), and sprint from the restaurant screaming.
Taser... suffering fae shock... such dry humour.
Don't stop.
The kidnappers were chefs, weren't they?
minnow: 20%, always 20%.....I sometimes think its the only number we know....
Irish Begrudger: actually that's the standard, "you brought me a dirty spoon" reaction.....!
jimmy: I need a favour from you....will be in contact
conan: no.....too smart to be chefs.....arf!
didn't Rushdie hide out in Bono's shed?
rosie: did he? what? I sort of believe you....i need more sleep.....
Ahhh feck, is it the bail I'm after paying for you again?
If you will drink in the Crown with all those bad people...
my bad. the Edge says that he just stayed over at weekends.
Waiters are on 10 %, equal to the security assistant who has the key. Don't forget that, can be uncomfortable in an unheated smelly oily garage cement floor hole ...
well, sugar, i'd chip in on the ransom! ;) xoxoxo
The story of your kidnapping would make for an entertaining TV special.
if you ever get kidnapped, text me.
We'll take up a collection and spring you.
I told people I was from the UK and they thought it was Ukraine.
jimmy: crown? crown my hole...terrible bar...email you shortly
rosie: and larry mullan said nothing?
mago: yeah yeah....ever worked a 16 hr shift on black friday with a hangover? it feels much the same
savannah: awh....that's the nicest thing anybody has ever said
sassy: oooh I could do it!
boxer: thanks.....! i think
old k: but I htought you were from belfast? and that's in ireland heh
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