Budge up Salman

Ah Jaysus lads, they're kidnapping waiters now.

From the BBC...

Man kidnapped in Ukraine released

A London waiter kidnapped in Ukraine has been released after his family paid a ransom of £10,800.

Eren Parker, 25, from Penge, south London, went missing while on holiday in southern city Odessa on 9 April.

His cousin, Erol Kesen, said Mr Parker was kidnapped by a gang who stunned him with a Taser gun and bundled him into a van after he had left a casino.

He returned home on Friday suffering from shock, cuts and bruises after his family paid a ransom, Mr Kesen said.

Believed 'rich'

He said Mr Parker was initially held in a garage then taken to a flat in the city.

The gang originally demanded $60,000 (£41,360) to release Mr Parker but agreed to hand him over in exchange for a smaller amount.

Mr Kesen said: "I was told the average wage in that country is $100 a month so I guess they thought he was rich because he was a Westerner and had been in the casino."

A Foreign Office spokeswoman said: "We were informed on 16 April that Mr Parker is safe and well."

Oh my! Be safe in the knowledge that Manuel has been moved to the same secret location where that insufferable bore Salman Rushdie was kept after the release of the Satanic Verses. Little Miss Manuel insists that neither she nor The Cousin will, on principal, negotiate with terrorists and that they are welcome to keep me as long as they want.

Charming.

But there's no point to kidnapping a waiter unless you really want a collection of random pens, corks, battered black shoes and their penny stash. Because that's all they have. And lets be honest waiters would make for pretty difficult kidnap victims. They would enjoy the rest, sitting doing nothing appeals to them and there are very few things you can threaten them with that they don't hear from both chefs and guests alike on your average Saturday night.

Plus they would ask for a percentage of the ransom....a Manuel's Ransom

eh 20% of that's mine if you don't mind Mr Kidnapper man....