Furniture Shop Opens, people lose minds
Ikea the Swedish furniture store/middle-class fairground opens today in Belfast and people are losing their minds. Literally people are going bonkers. I swear my own neighbours are burning their furniture just so that they can go and get some new stuff. South Belfast is drowning in Ikea catalogues, well thumbed Ikea catalogues. It's all the good people of Belfast can talk about. And it's not like we don't have any furniture shops already. You would think we were sitting on up turned boxes and beer crates and sleeping on top of our coats and putting our pens into beer cans and our rubbish into plastic bags and using candles for light. (I've never done any of those things ever....ever)
It's just a furniture shop. Yes their stuff is nice. Yes it's well priced. But for fuck sake it's just a shop. It wont make you look smarter/sexier/sophisticated. It really wont increase the value of your house or make you a better lover. It's just a furniture shop. Even the police are getting in on the crazy vibe. The cops are gearing up in the same way they did when GW Bush paid us a visit. The news is full of stern looking coppers with sober advice on how best to make the journey to the land of Swedish Sofa Dreams. It should be added that some of the cops have nice suntans too. Ikea paid for three of them to go to a new store opening in Spain to help with their planning. Good grief.
Now I know Ikea openings can be part riot part suicide cult rally but this is Belfast, we are meant to be disparaging about new things. We are meant to be full of apathy and a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I blame Clinton's visit, we've all been far too happy since then. I miss our lovely cynicism. I will be shocked and embarrassed if it turns out like the new store opening in North London were 5 people ended up in hospital following a crush as people tried to get into the store. Then of course there was the new store opening in Saudi Arabia were 3 people were killed in a similar crush. Now I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for these people. It's a FUCKING FURNITURE SHOP!!!! Dying for a political cause is one thing but dying because you wanted to be first into a big warehouse full of sofas and bean bags is just bloody daft.
And you have to put the stuff together yourself! Gimme a break.
not a map
instructions for Ektrop sofa!
CALM DOWN DEAR!
It's just a furniture shop. Yes their stuff is nice. Yes it's well priced. But for fuck sake it's just a shop. It wont make you look smarter/sexier/sophisticated. It really wont increase the value of your house or make you a better lover. It's just a furniture shop. Even the police are getting in on the crazy vibe. The cops are gearing up in the same way they did when GW Bush paid us a visit. The news is full of stern looking coppers with sober advice on how best to make the journey to the land of Swedish Sofa Dreams. It should be added that some of the cops have nice suntans too. Ikea paid for three of them to go to a new store opening in Spain to help with their planning. Good grief.
Now I know Ikea openings can be part riot part suicide cult rally but this is Belfast, we are meant to be disparaging about new things. We are meant to be full of apathy and a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I blame Clinton's visit, we've all been far too happy since then. I miss our lovely cynicism. I will be shocked and embarrassed if it turns out like the new store opening in North London were 5 people ended up in hospital following a crush as people tried to get into the store. Then of course there was the new store opening in Saudi Arabia were 3 people were killed in a similar crush. Now I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for these people. It's a FUCKING FURNITURE SHOP!!!! Dying for a political cause is one thing but dying because you wanted to be first into a big warehouse full of sofas and bean bags is just bloody daft.
And you have to put the stuff together yourself! Gimme a break.
and you definitely shouldn't go on Sunday afternoon either, I have things to be doing and don't want to be there all afternoon cough cough.........and I'm gonna miss the match!
not a mapinstructions for Ektrop sofa!
