Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Is he really a waiter and how can he prove it?

Waiters eh, lovely people and easily identifiable by their hearty laugh, beaming smiles and proud upright walk. Seriously. Even in a busy restaurant on a busy night the waiters are normally easy to pick out what with the matching uniforms, aprons and the plates of food and trays of drinks that they schlep from chef to table and back again.

There was a chap in the restaurant the other night dressed in black trousers, black shirt and black shoes and looked every part like a waiter. I had to double take as I thought for a moment they had hired a new guy without first informing me. Not that they have to inform me of anything but I would have been upset if they hadn't. And by upset I mean a barrel of rage and anger. But the fact that he was swigging from a Coors and pawing over the young lady beside him, and he was very much pawing all over her, assured me that he wasn't a new waiter.

Honestly it ain't hard to identify who is a waiter and who is not when you go to a restaurant. Finding the waiter can be a little tricky for sure but you would never approach or call over a chap just because they slightly look like a waiter now would you? Or maybe you would. I chuckled out loud, Manuel doesn't LOL he is too old for LOL'ing, when I read this story from Hoboken New Jersey. I knew a hobo called Ken, lovely fella, used to shout at the birds. Actually he used to shout at parked cars. Mentalism isn't funny.

What?

Anyhoo here's the story from NJ.COM....
'READY TO PAY?' Slick 20-something thief tricks restaurant patrons Saturday, April 18, 2009 By AMY SARA CLARK JOURNAL STAFF WRITER

HOBOKEN - A man who posed as a waiter made off with $186 in cash from unsuspecting patrons at two restaurants, police said yesterday.

Wearing a button-down dark blue or black shirt, a yellow tie and khaki pants, the spiky-haired 20-something pinched the first check at Hobson's Choice, 77 Hudson St., at about 7:20 p.m. Thursday, police said.

The man approached two women who had recently received their bill and asked if they needed anything else before paying.

The women - a 22-year-old from Secaucus and a 28-year-old from Hoboken - said no and handed him $90 in cash, police said. Waitstaff at Hobson's Choice have no dress code, a Hobson's employee said.

The man next went Margherita's Pizza and Cafe, at 740 Washington St., about 9 p.m. that night, gave his name as "Steve," and asked to be put on the wait-list for a table.

He sat in the waiting area for about 20 minutes and then approached three women and asked them if they were ready to pay, police said.

"He took the money from them and walked straight out of the restaurant," said Anthony Buzzerio, a manager at the restaurant.

The women - a 41-year-old from Manhattan, a 42-year-old from Woodbridge, and a 42-year-old from Scotch Plains - told cops they gave the man $96 for a $66 bill and expected change. The report did not explain why the women paid so much extra, police said.

Margherita's waitstaff wear black polo shirts with the store's logo on the front, Buzzerio said.

"The man was dressed very professionally," Buzzerio said. "Obviously (the customers) were a little confused."

Buzzerio said the restaurant absorbed the cost of the meal. "One we saw that they had put the money on the table - we wouldn't charge the customers twice."

"This is the first time I've come across something like this," Buzzerio added. "Hopefully he gets what's coming to him."

Oh my! What a brazen little scam monkey! Doing it once was bad enough but having the Henry Halls to do it twice? Well that's just too cheeky for words. I assume the tips were in the piles of cash that he squirreled away back to his evil geniuses lair, probably on top of a mountain or something or maybe just a grotty one room self contained studio apartment. You know the sort of place I mean, the sort of dwelling where old pedophiles go to die a lonely death. I hope they get him and get him soon and I hope they rip the spiky hair from his 20 something head.

Or alternatively they could give him the same sort of punishment that Larry David got on Curb when he got done, unfairly at that, for stealing forks from a restaurant. That'll learn him as we say round these parts.


But if you aren't sure if the guy or gal taking your money is a waiter or not just stare deep into their eyes, again much like Larry David does. If they stare back at you with the haunted and dead eyes of a slightly psychotic and unhinged individual who probably spends all day in bed only waking to feast on the remains of cold pizza and flat beer then bingo, you have a genuine waiter. If there is any sign of life, any sparkle at all then you should scream, from the top of your lungs, that he is an impostor.

Remember the scammers just want your money and the waiters....oh wait...

32 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

ninetyninewords said...

See? How could a punter ever tell the difference?

And maybe you're being a touch harsh on the boy. How do you know his mammy wasn't lying sick in hospital and he just didn't have the cash to go out and score 3gms of marching powder and 20 aftershocks, get off his tits and take her a stolen bunch of daffs from the middle of a roundabout the next day?

Manuel said...

fair enough but I don't think he;s from belfast.....arf

Medbh said...

Did you see there's a new programme coming out about waiters? I saw an ad for it in "Entertainment Weekly."

It's called "Party Down."
Paul Rudd's one of the creators/producers.

Manuel said...

medbh: really? Oh my! [runs* to check available torrents]

* didn't actually run


Manuel doesn't run

Medbh said...

Here's the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT2DOz2McW8

Manuel said...

medbh: cheers dude......btw I'm not really a paul ruud fan....but restaurants are ripe for satire/parody....

MJ said...

How could two women spend a whopping 66 American dollars in a pizza joint?

Everyone knows women only order salad!

Manuel said...

mj: b'dum tish....

daisyfae said...

you can get in trouble for stealing forks from restaurants? shit.

wendy said...

Um... MJ must not be from around here.

I know that I could find a couple of girlfriends and we can put down some drinks... Pizza is just the substance, and with drinks around $10 each, well there you go.

someone had two.

wendy said...

..yet that last comment does not negate the fact that I think they are boneheads for not noticing he wasn't the same person who was waiting on them all evening..

Manuel said...

daisyfae: and salt and peppers too....not that that seems to stop people...

wendy: ach our MJ was just being sarcastic.....and yes they were boneheads for sure....

Irishbegrudger said...

I once posed as a hostage negotiator with vastly differing motives, and a vastly differing outcome. So many people died (sigh).

For future reference, never tell a distraught, gun-toting maniac to 'cop onto himself', or question whether he 'has the balls' to use lethal force.

Manuel said...

irishbegrudger: see only on the internets ann you get such important every day information....thank you irishbegrudger...

MJ said...

Thanks for translating, Manuel.

We Canadians are so easily misunderstood.

Poutine, anyone?

Boxer said...

I furnished my first apartment from my local pizza place.

I feel bad now.

sassysundry said...

Well, I haven't heard of someone trying that. Hope no one trys it on you.

Henry Halls. Nice.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

A couple of things to note is Hoboken is where Frank Sinatra was born and now buried. And maybe we should start giving ids to waiters now.Hmmm.

Old Knudsen said...

The sporting goods counter at Wal-Mart is never manned so I go behind it and look at the weapons and ammo they have and some twat always asks me to open the case so they can buy some bullets, I tell them we're closed.

Old Knudsen said...

Oh and pop around on Wednesday for a tribute to you.

Lulu LaBonne said...

I'd sit around pretending to be a diner when I was a waitress...

Killer said...

I have never heard a waiter laugh....Amd I've never seen a proper one!!!

Le Nord said...

Aww they gave Larry David the same punishment they give the joyriders on the Shankill and Falls!

Manuel said...

right enough talk......I'm off for fabulous lunch......If anyone needs me I'll be eating my own body weight in fish....nom nom nom

Conan Drumm said...

But what if you're a punter on your way to the loo and some other punters want to give you money for their food cos they're in a hurry? That's ok, no?

Datsuncog said...

Spikey blonde hair? Looks a bit like a waiter? Officer, we've got our man.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_soY3d4LJqV4/SckSSvy-EoI/AAAAAAAADek/-yHuKebnGn8/s1600-h/ronan2.JPG

Didn't even know they were playing a two-nighter in Hoboken... the door receipts musta been a bit low...

TheChrisD said...

This is why paying at the table is a bad idea...

Native Minnow said...

This gives me an idea . . .

waxydan said...

I very much doubt that I'm the first but: you have been tagged. I take no responsibility for this silliness. Blame Mr.Red.

http://waxydan.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/tagged-by-red/

Jill said...

I knew a woman once who used to take cutlery from restaurants. We are no longer friends. Terrible thing to do.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Pure class as usual sir.

Rebecca said...

My favorite was that the companies "absorbed" the costs. Code for the waiters who got scammed had it taken from their tips anyway.