The bare faced cheek.......(heh)

by the fantastically skilled Green Ink Pen.

Northern Ireland's esteemed (snicker) Minister for the Environment, Sammy Wilson MLA MP, is an never ending source of disappointment and indeed amusement in this house and at a guess I'd say in most houses.

"Well d'uh", I hear you all shout with one unifying voice.

In many respects he is our own George W. Bush. Honestly, The Cousin and I sit with baited breath when the news comes on wondering what scrapes and hilarious situations our hero will have got himself into that day. As minister for roads he was caught by the police driving without having his motorcycle properly taxed. Tut tut. The man is a comedic marvel, a school boy in grown up clothes, the very definition of all mouth and no trousers, and that's a disturbingly accurate description. Picture a small, nasty, snappy dog filled with it's own self importance and you have him in one.

As Minister for the Environment our wee Sammy, pictured above, takes an alternative view with regard to climate change. Alternative meaning against the perceived wisdom of the rest of the world as opposed to a new age rub it with a dandelion and chant round it meaning of the word. Sammy doesn't do dandelions and chanting, probably. No Sammy, the minister for the environment, says it's all a con, climate change and efforts to stop it, describing environmentalists as being members of a "green gang" and followers of a "pseudo-religion".

This from the man who worked with Ian Paisley for countless years.

Oh the irony.

Anyhoo it's not Sammy's plans for saving us from the perils and watery disaster of unchecked climate change, which from what I can tell seem only to involve shouting very loudly, calling people names, and driving fast motorbikes, that has me indignant with rage. No Sammy has gone a step too far this time. Way too far.

As I may have mentioned in previous posts we are enjoying/labouring hard under the icy and snowy grip of winter at present. This is causing the usual disruption and mild chaos as it has become quite difficult and dangerous to get to where you want to be from where you currently are. In fact it's so cold I have taken to sitting beside the radiator in the house in the style of a 1970/80's hostage. Minus the malnourishment and constant threat of death, obviously.

But Sammy, the minister for the environment, isn't having any of it. Oh no Sammy is jolly upset with all the naught people who have taken a day off work or school because of the snow. The lack of a bus or transport should not prevent you from getting to work, according to Sammy. In a rant more befitting an acrimonious Grandfather Mr Wilson, minister for the environment, bellowed that he...

"...can remember in 1963 when there was a heavy snowfall and it lay for weeks, walking to school and the snow was piled above your head but we still got there."

Really? Sweet mother of jebus is that right? Well aren't you just the great fella then! He most probably did it barefoot whilst wiping himself too no doubt.

My god if your da came out with poppycock like that you would roll your eyes and wheel him out on to the porch, in the rain, and leave him there, for ages, until he was alseep. But he's not a dottery old man he is the bloody minister for the bloody environment. He then went off in a lather about "health and safety nut's" and when he was a lad you where allowed to juggle chainsaws and how life was better when you could cuff a unruly child round the back of the head with a baseball bat. Okay he didn't but given enough time and a copy of The Guardian to annoy him he probably would have.

Wilson concluded with,

"I think more and more people are getting fed up with the way the whole health and safety industry is trying to restrict our lives."

I know what he means because the edge really has been taken out of life now that all the electricians are regulated and dangerously unsafe cars are off the road. Blimey dining out offers no fun at all anymore now that food has to be prepared in clean kitchens by staff who know what they are doing. The health and safety bastards have ruined it for all of us.

Or maybe not.

Personally I think the whole health and safety thing is just a bluff and Sammy just doesn't like people having a little bit of sneaky fun when they should be toiling away in the office. Killjoy. What politician in their right mind would deny people a fun day off considering how difficult things have been recently? I ask you......

He's an idiot and a bare faced one at that, obviously.

I'm back at work again so I'll be back on topic again tomorrow.

(I also love that the BBC uses the same plonkerish photo of him for each report.Hee Hee Hee)

***12pm Update***
proving that you are always less than 24 hours away from a Sammy Attack

Sammy, minister for the environment, Wilson has taken it upon himself to block a series of government backed Climate Change adverts from the airways of Northern Ireland. The BBC quotes our wee Sammy as saying,

"the adverts were part of an "insidious propaganda campaign" which would not be imposed on people in NI."

adding they were...

"giving people the impression that by turning off the standby light on their TV they could save the world from melting glaciers and being submerged in 40ft of water".

He said that was "patent nonsense".

and when it comes to patent nonsense he should know what he is talking about. He holds the patent. Disappointingly the BBC have changed the picture of Sammy, fuck the earth and all who live on it, Wilson. But the new one is just as funny.

But after about a minute of digging I think I found the adverts that were upsetting Sammy so much. Click for the full insidious propaganda.

With him in charge we are all doomed, doomed I tells ye...........!