Friday, 9 January 2009

"U" are driving me round the bend.....

The Cousin and I were standing in the kitchen staring at the mess under the sink. We bore expressions of the damned, damn idiots that is. Yet another attempt to fix the leaking U-bend had ended in unmitigated failure. What started as a barely noticeable trickle of water about three months ago is now the very bane of our existence. We now live the life of our grandparents. Three maybe four times a day we have to empty the bucket under the kitchen sink. A bucket of very dubious delights. And it's not like that goes well every time either. I mean the number of times the greasy lukewarm water has ended up round the back of the toilet and half way up the bathroom wall is beyond silly.

It's oh so grim.

So very very grim.

ma bucket....

"We need a bigger bucket", I suggested.

"What we need is to get it fixed", retorted The Cousin.

His feet, and not for the first time in recent weeks, were soaking wet. A situation which leads to constant sock changing and great unhappiness. I am not a technically gifted person when it comes to such chores. Honestly I had to spellcheck DIY three times just to write this story. But I ventured forth to my local hardware superstore place, having changed out of my nice sweater shirt and trouser combo to a more roguish and manlier t-shirt and combats ensemble, with determination and resolve.

Not sure I totally pulled off the look I was hoping for but I was past caring. I just wanted the fucking u-bend fixed. I would have gone in backless chaps and stetson if that would have got the job done. Needless to say the parts that it took me a half hour to select didn't fit. There is no chance that B & Q will go bankrupt anytime soon with the amount of money I am spending attempting to fix one stupid leak. I think I am personally responsible for keeping ten people in full time employment at the moment. Seriously, I got a thank you card from their kids and all.

In the end I am just going to have to call a man. I am going to have to call a man to come out and fix a stupid leak that a stupid child could fix that I cant. Maybe I should just get a child. I dunno. I just cant take anymore of this 1950's living. There is a constant worry about the bucket breaking whilst on the way to the bathroom to be emptied. If /when this does happen I will burn the house down, that's right, down to the ground.

In many respect our house is a contradiction. By the last count there were four computers, three mobile phones, four televisions and assorted cable boxes and associated dvd and pvr players. There are three dab radios and more remote controls than you can shake a Bang and Olufsen stick at. You can wirelessly stream music round the house at a touch of a perfectly formed Apple button and you can talk to someone in Boise Idaho whilst taking a bath. Not that I've ever done that. In many ways it's awesome, my house that is, not talking to people in Boise Idaho whilst taking a bath. Although I'm sure that is just lovely. But what you cant do is run the water in the kitchen for anything longer than a freaking minute without flooding the place.

It's so utterly depressing.

"So that's more money down the drain", I huffed.

"Or not" replied The Cousin with a cheeky grin.

"Heh, very good."

"Did you see that KFC they are building?", he asked without taking his eyes off the bucket.

"Yeah I passed it on the way home."

"Biggest KFC drive through in Ireland."

"Makes you wanna burn your car eh?", I ventured.

"Makes me wanna burn all cars."

"Yup.", And with that I lifted the bucket, emptied it and went to bed.

1950's living it is then....

25 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Jenn and Den said...

"Yet another attempt to fix the leaking U-bend had ended in unmitigated failure. What started as a barely noticeable trickle...."

At our age, feel fortunate that you're referring to your sink, eh?

Oh, and I'll wager walnuts to whizbangs you don't know a soul in the entire state of Idaho who owns a bathtub.

Dennis

Conan Drumm said...

Now Manuel, never have done anything remotely like it previously I plumbed in an entire sink, tap, filter and drain unit. It is NOT hard and a hell of a lot cheaper than calling a man. If I can do it YOU CAN DO IT, ok?

bendersbetterbrother said...

What about calling the Landlord man? Shouldn't you be letting him spend his money fixing the leak?

And can you use the drive through on a bike?

B said...

I've been living like that from the day I was born.

Apparently am in the worst set of apartments in Galway and think I'm in a palace.


...seriously.

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I am one of the fortunate ones cause my wife fixed the leaky bathroom faucet and replaced it with a new one the other day. She is handier than I. I have no patience for manual labor and nor am I any good at it which I guess goes hand in hand.Someone you know must be able to fix it for a gift or dinner in return. Anyone? There must be.

Blondefabulous said...

I'll send the husband over rightly. He's a maintenance man of the highest order. There will just be the matter of the airline ticket and oh yeah... passports and all that nonsense.

Perhaps you'd better look up someone more local.

Manuel said...

jenn&den: no, no i don't......for shame

conan: but i'm scared.....set that to music and try it again....

bbb: no! i've had quite enough of him recently......and if it's not fixed by easter i'll phone him then

steve: no i only move in very artsy circle.....they can draw it, the describe the anguish of it all, hell they can describe it through the medium of dance.......they just cant fix it

blondie: get it sorted abd tell him the key is under the mat

Manuel said...

jenn&den: no, no i don't......for shame

conan: but i'm scared.....set that to music and try it again....

bbb: no! i've had quite enough of him recently......and if it's not fixed by easter i'll phone him then

steve: no i only move in very artsy circle.....they can draw it, the describe the anguish of it all, hell they can describe it through the medium of dance.......they just cant fix it

blondie: get it sorted abd tell him the key is under the mat

Jill said...

Don't be so lazy and just phone the landlord? Isn't it what you pay rent for?

Wellington Farset said...

Frightful, reminds me of papas house when I was a child. Pishy to be honest.

The Cousin said...

I concur with Manuel, calling the Landlord is reserved only for Code Red situations, i.e. water pissing all over the living room and the 20 year old boiler spitting out toxic balck soot all over the neighbours house.

This barely merits a code brown scenario and isn't worth the mind numbing dullness that is the landlord.

Conan Drumm said...

It speaks... 'The Cousin', is it really you?

The Cousin said...

Yes, i am indeed The Cousin.

savannah said...

great story, sugar! i totally feel your pain. now call a plumber.
xoxoxo

sheepworrier said...

*tries to think of a double entendre for 'emptying the bucket'*


*gives up, goes back to sleep*

Stephan said...

Hey, here's a thought: wait until the KFC opens, get an order of anything and use the grease to permanently seal any and all leaks in your place. Then use the biscuits to knock the landlord unconscious and stage a coup.

Medbh said...

My husband will attempt to fix anything in the house but plumbing. For that he always says to call an expert.
Since you've already lived through one big flood, no sense in creating another.
Call the landlord!

daisyfae said...

i don't even attempt it any longer. if the toilet so much as gurgles in a menacing way? i've got the freakin' plumber on speed dial...

Jenn and Den said...

@sheepworrier...this entire story reeks of Manuel's "bodily plumbing," doesn't it?

Sorry to wake you.

Dennis

FMCGMCCLLC said...

Local hardware superstore, no no no. As I have told Big Daddy for years go to the small local guy. Not only can tell the technically advanced how to fix it-can also tell the technically challenged who the local guy is available to call that has fixed this shit for years. Local guys dad probably put the original shit in to start with. Is this the same muck the sandwich (toastie) fell in? WTF

Pearl said...

Maybe things are different there, but I'm a landlord (lady?) and our tenants would most definitely call us for something like this!
Oh, and there ARE bathtubs in Idaho. But not plumbing. You fill it with a bucket. The bath with the clean water costs the most, but if you're okay with being fourth or fifth in line, it's free.
Pearl

Jenn and Den said...

LMAO @ Pearl...and our apologies to the four people in Idaho with a bathtub AND bucket.

Dennis

How to Get Your Food Spit In said...

We had this very small leak in our dishroom that, over the course of a business day, would create a huge lake of awesomeness.

I feel your pain.

Native Minnow said...

Whatever you do, don't get a child. That's only likely to exacerbate the problem. A child would be likely to contribute to even more leaky sinks. I don't know how they do stuff like that, but they always seem to find a way.

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