"A Stabbing Fork, what is it good for?" Eh...Stabbing...

I bet you thought the Stabbing Fork was made up. I bet you thought that it was just one of Manuel's exaggerations. Not that I'm prone to exaggeration you understand. The only whoppers round these parts are the Burger King ones I, occasionally, stuff down my pie hole. I mean why would a waiter stab someone with a rusty fork? What reason would they really have to warrant such extreme action? Rudeness is an ugly trait but is it worth of a four pronged attack? Hard to say, sometimes I think it's the very least some guests deserve. Tardiness makes my veins in my neck pop and it's all I can do not to go at the offenders with a fork in each hand slashing wildly and gouging with carefree abandon.

But I don't.....

fork him...

But some waiters aren't as controlled and as measured in their actions as I am. Take this heart warming story of hot waiter stabbing action in Paris. From The Daily Mail...
(The Guardian didn't have it)

"Seven waiters at a Japanese restaurant in Paris were under arrest today after an armed robber was stabbed to death with a sushi knife after trying to steal their tips.The 22-year-old was brandishing a pistol when he raided Planet Sushi, in the upmarket 5th arrondissement, last night.

The pair first demanded that that management in the restaurant handed over all the day’s takings.

When they refused the criminals began helping themselves to a tray full of tips.

This infuriated the waiters, who began fighting with the robbers, stabbing one with a razor sharp kitchen knife used to ‘sculpt’ fish segments into sushi.

‘An extremely vicious fight broke out, with one robber mortally wounded,’ said a Paris police spokesman.

‘The robbers had arrived soon after 11pm when the tip tray was pretty full. The thought they could get away with the cash, but the restaurant staff were having none of it.

‘That’s when a knife was used on one of the robbers.

‘We arrived at the scene with ambulance staff but they could do nothing to save the injured man. He was rushed to hospital but died a few hours later.

‘Seven staff at the restaurant have been arrested along with the second alleged robber. A full enquiry is under way.’

Police refused to name any of the suspects involved."

I don't normally go for this sort of vigilante action but tips are hard earned and they ain't gonna be given up without a fight. But arrested? What the fuck? They should be given a medal of honour or at the very least big hug. One witness, as reported in the Daily Telegraph, said "It was like a moment from Tarantino's Kill Bill films."

Really? Because that must just have been awesome. Ninja waiters don't take shit lying down or standing up either by the sounds of it. Let this be a lesson to all dirty little toe rags thinking about making moves on any waiters hard earned tips, don't, we have stabbing forks or in this case fish knives and we aren't afraid to use them.

Obviously our respects go to the family of the dead robber but I think he learned a valuable lesson that day. Huzzah for the Waiters of Planet Sushi!