Thursday, 15 January 2009

"A Stabbing Fork, what is it good for?" Eh...Stabbing...

I bet you thought the Stabbing Fork was made up. I bet you thought that it was just one of Manuel's exaggerations. Not that I'm prone to exaggeration you understand. The only whoppers round these parts are the Burger King ones I, occasionally, stuff down my pie hole. I mean why would a waiter stab someone with a rusty fork? What reason would they really have to warrant such extreme action? Rudeness is an ugly trait but is it worth of a four pronged attack? Hard to say, sometimes I think it's the very least some guests deserve. Tardiness makes my veins in my neck pop and it's all I can do not to go at the offenders with a fork in each hand slashing wildly and gouging with carefree abandon.

But I don't.....

fork him...

But some waiters aren't as controlled and as measured in their actions as I am. Take this heart warming story of hot waiter stabbing action in Paris. From The Daily Mail...
(The Guardian didn't have it)

"Seven waiters at a Japanese restaurant in Paris were under arrest today after an armed robber was stabbed to death with a sushi knife after trying to steal their tips.The 22-year-old was brandishing a pistol when he raided Planet Sushi, in the upmarket 5th arrondissement, last night.

The pair first demanded that that management in the restaurant handed over all the day’s takings.

When they refused the criminals began helping themselves to a tray full of tips.

This infuriated the waiters, who began fighting with the robbers, stabbing one with a razor sharp kitchen knife used to ‘sculpt’ fish segments into sushi.

‘An extremely vicious fight broke out, with one robber mortally wounded,’ said a Paris police spokesman.

‘The robbers had arrived soon after 11pm when the tip tray was pretty full. The thought they could get away with the cash, but the restaurant staff were having none of it.

‘That’s when a knife was used on one of the robbers.

‘We arrived at the scene with ambulance staff but they could do nothing to save the injured man. He was rushed to hospital but died a few hours later.

‘Seven staff at the restaurant have been arrested along with the second alleged robber. A full enquiry is under way.’

Police refused to name any of the suspects involved."
I don't normally go for this sort of vigilante action but tips are hard earned and they ain't gonna be given up without a fight. But arrested? What the fuck? They should be given a medal of honour or at the very least big hug. One witness, as reported in the Daily Telegraph, said "It was like a moment from Tarantino's Kill Bill films."

Really? Because that must just have been awesome. Ninja waiters don't take shit lying down or standing up either by the sounds of it. Let this be a lesson to all dirty little toe rags thinking about making moves on any waiters hard earned tips, don't, we have stabbing forks or in this case fish knives and we aren't afraid to use them.

Obviously our respects go to the family of the dead robber but I think he learned a valuable lesson that day. Huzzah for the Waiters of Planet Sushi!

28 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

bendersbetterbrother said...

Like that well quoted proverb, live by the pistol, die by the big-fuck-off-really -sharp sushi knive.

eguinan said...

There's a place called Planet Sushi? Oh dear, what a way to go.

Manuel said...

bbb: beware the waiter...I'm getting that on a sign at the front door.....of my house that is

eguinan: yes, well don't mess with a waiters drinking money!!

Native Minnow said...

I was thinking Kill Bill all the way through it. Too bad that stupid witness had to beat me to stating it. I guess I'm not as original and clever as I thought I was.

Manuel said...

minnow: I knew you were thinking it.....it's all good.....

Bock the Robber said...

Fuckin right. Off the motherfucker. He's no loss.

psychoknitter said...

I thought the French didn't know how to tip.

Medbh said...

Did they catch that on CCT?
I'm thinking it could be a bestseller.
Brilliant!

Manuel said...

bock: bwahahahahaha say what you feel! damn right.....oooh I'd....I'd write a really nasty post if someone tried to steal my tips......

Manuel said...

psychoknitter: hahahaha now that you mention it me either......no wonder they weren't giving it up without a fight...

medbh: hahahahaha! I'll play the angry waiter.....

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Self defense I say. They were robbers and they were defending their livelihood. Good for them. There must have been a lot of blood though. Egads a sushi knife! Sharp or what!

daisyfae said...

shame the police arrived so quickly... would love to know what the sushi chef could do with that much flesh!

B said...

1.posted exaxtly at midnight.
2.do waiters in your place stab?
3.I only numbered 3 because I forgot what it was.

B said...

also, you like mew?

The Hangar Queen said...

Legion d'honneur.
Party of seven........to go.

Jenny said...

What about preemptive stabbing? Like when you know someone isn't going to tip well... Just a little sushi knife jab in the shoulder to give them a hint? No?

silverstar98121 said...

Apparently you can take a knife to a gun fight and come out ahead. Or behind bars in this case.

The French must have very strange laws if you can't defend yourself against a gun with a knife. Or do they know something we don't, like the waiters held him down and stabbed him?

MJ said...

Shouldn't that be Planète Sushi?

Anaperenna said...

Those waiters reached the point of Nori turn.

Clearly that's how they roll.


*tumbleweed*

Old Knudsen said...

Getting stabbed is better than the mercury poisoning you get from the fish.

Mr. DNA said...

I'm stuck (get it, stuck?) on the image of the four pronged attack. I always imagined your stabbing fork to be an odd three pronged mangled fork.

(That stuck pun? Pure comedy my friend. That shit would kill in the Catskills.)

Conan Drumm said...

You've got to love the French worker, you rob them at your peril.

If Sarkozy wants to mess with French workers' pay and conditions he should be made to make the announcement in Planet Sushi.

Manuel said...

steve: damn right......eek

daisyfae: the mind boggles

b: 1: every night, exactly at midnight....
2: I do....4. yeah not bad...

hangar queen: damn right!!

jenny: not sure it would work.....I'll try today and report back....

silverstar: yeah.......hahahha...not sure

mj: oooooohhhh fawncy!

anaperena: no, no actually that's not bad......

old k: b'dum tish.....not sure the kgb roll in that place or not

mr dna: manuel moves with the times and contemporary cutlery......

conan: fuck if there was anybody that could do with a waiter stabbing it's him.....

Maxi Cane said...

Awesome.

That is all.

Blondefabulous said...

I have never sided with the, "Let them have what they want." way of dealing with robbers and bandits. What they should get is a heaping helping of what those two morons got at Planet Sushi! Bully for the waiters I say!

In America, if an employee stops a robbery, they get fired for placing themselves in danger. You know, "Oh eh,... thanks Billy, for saving the till from those nasty men with semi automatic hand guns! You saved the day, but now we have to let you go for doing so because you could have been killed and all. Thanks so much and here's to your future!"

Yeah..... fuckery all around!

daisy mae said...

i got fired once for slamming a man's hand onto the table. he had a nasty habit of grabbing the girls any time one got too close - he especially liked to reach into the pocket in their aprons where money was kept and make lewd comments about where the tips were kept, how to get at them (it), etc....

he reached for me one day and i snapped... slammed my closed fist on top of his outstretched hand and that was the end of it.

he was apparently "a loyal customer" and so i was the one who had to go. eff it, i said - no amount of money was worth putting up with that scumbag!

MiketheWaiter said...

Manuel, where do you get all these delicious, wonderful tid-bits? I also give my respect to the wait staff at planet sushi!
peace,
mTw

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