Tuesday, 28 October 2008

"The world is full of crashing bores......"

You know who I find tedious beyond words? The arts crowd that's who. I say crowd but it's more a pool, a vacuous pool so shallow that they couldn't even drown themselves in it should they finally realise they have wasted their lives and see fit to do the right thing. The 2008 Belfast Festival at Queens has been running since the 17th of October and finally finishes on the 1st of November. And thank fuckity fuck for that. The last number of weeks have been spent massaging the egos and stroking the vanity of these pretentious bores.


pogo dick
sorry I meant stick
actually dick is better....


Please don't get me wrong I'm all for the arts, I say more art and less of almost everything else. I love to see the reaction of people when some mad bastard or t'other makes creates a shoe the size of a house out of his own dung and calls it art. I laugh out loud every year when the shortlist for the Turner Prize is announced and the usual tabloid pundits get all hot and bothered under the collar and spout the same old lines of, "I don't know about art but I know what I like blah blah blah...". Art should be challenging and should make you scratch your head. It should force an emotional reaction from even the deadest of souls. The arts should do that, the arts crowd should not.

The arts crowd forces an emotional reaction from me alright, mainly contempt and mockery. Honestly the next horse faced muppet who utters the word, "thee-ay-ter" will get strangled to death with their own silk scarf. And what's with the silk scarves? Jesus wept, it's like they have all read the same guide to going to the theatre -
  1. Mandatory silk scarf
  2. Inability to pronounce everyday words such as theatre.
  3. Faux English accent.
  4. Aloofness to the point of being rude.
  5. Inappropriate hat, preferably either too large or to small and always with feathers.
  6. And most important of all, the placing of thee-ay-ter tickets on the table for the world to see.
Why they feel the need to put the tickets on the table when they constantly need to be moved to make way for wine and food is beyond me. I had a chap get quite irate the other evening when I plonked a bowl of mash potatoes on top of his tickets to some show or other. I didn't do it deliberately but the tickets had been journeying round the table to make way for variously ordered items and who knew where they were likely to pop up next.

"Careful now young man, we cant have my tickets to tonight's wonderful show ruined now can we? We are going to the thee-ay-ter you know", he blustered whilst trying to save his tickets from the ignominy of being trapped under a bowl of spuds. He gave a little look round the room as he spoke to make sure his words carried far and wide. I'd say if he could have got away with wearing a big flashing neon sign reading, "I'm going to the theatre" he would have.

Twat.

"The thee-ay-ter? You don't say? I would never have guessed. Maybe we could put them in your pocket then?"

And it's not just the right wing Daily Mail reading asylum seeker bothering brigade either that have me gagging on my own tongue, the bothersome hippies on the left are at it as well. In they wander looking for a table without reservations, obviously, whilst reeking of patchouli oil and an over inflated sense of their self worth. Fucking hippies make me want to puke on myself.

"Oh we just want a quick bite of something, we are going to a performance this evening."

They do this funny thing were they half close their eyes when they are talking to at you. They half close their eyes and they drop their head to one side. It's really quite irritating and a little patronising too. But not as irritating and patronising as them trying to be your friend. You see the hippies want to give the impression that they understand the woes of the working man, they feel my pain and all that crapola. That's why they are spending £40.00 to see some idiot on a pogo stick recite the works of some other tortured a-hole.

"He's so edgy. So left field....." So fucking stupid more like.

Everything for the hippies has to be left field or edgy or on a pogo bloody stick. They are easy to serve though mainly because they order bugger all. They like to share, "We'll just put it in the middle and share." Bleurgh! If you want to share try a used needle you total waste of a table. And they tip like they order too, that is say they don't.

Roll on the second of November......

So to summarise this post, I hate everybody today. I may hate everybody tomorrow too, it's really hard to say. If you hate something or somebody or whole groups of people or things then share with the group. It wont really make you feel better but your bitterness will nourish me as I gently rock from side to side atop my bed.

*******

Oh and don't mess with Manuel, any Manuel. Funny though, I haven't heard any apologies to the woman they made the lewd remarks about? Juvenile pricks.

34 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

oldmanneill said...

it's ok to hate "thee-ay-ter" utterers.

Manuel said...

old man neill: welcome! thank you, I was sure it was okay but I'm glad you agree......

Medbh said...

It must have been so tempting to light those tickets on fire or else dump a glass of red on them.

And don't get me started on the hippies. Hippies are closer to the bible-thumping conservatives than they would ever admit. Both groups are fully convinced that they have the answer and both waste no time letting you know how wrong/fucked up/damned you are for not being like them. Yack.

Manuel said...

medbh: you know what, that's exactly it.....they are just differently dressed versions of each other....sanctimonious bores who think they know it all....

Medbh said...

Just followed the link, Manuel.
Huzzah for calling bullshit on the patriarchy.
Douche bags.

Manuel said...

medbh: the manuel one? yeah the news is covering this story big time but it's all apologies to grandad but none to the young woman? what's that all about?

belfastyouthworker said...

love the morrissey title! i heard about the BBC/andrew sachs thing earlier at work and my first thought was 'oh, i can't wait to get home and comment on manuel's blog about this!!!' - does this make me a crashing bore? i think so!

ps: belfast festival at queens is always shit

Manuel said...

byw: as long as you don't finish the lyric it's all good. as for the queens festival it's bloated and full of it;s own self importance....much like me bwahahaha. I prefer the smaller festivals - open house, cathedral quarter etc...

savannah said...

i.hate.the.fucking.patriot.act.

that aside, i think i'm just tired of the my way or the highway attitude that seems to be the norm everywhere.

xoxoxo

Manuel said...

savannah: unless it is my way of course...hehehe ah yes the so called patriot act, now that's some bad law making right there.....

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I don't know if I dislike anyone cause I live in this bubble.I eat , drink , play with my kids and work. My wife and I get along. I do basically the same thing everyday.I have free time. Maybe I am lucky. Also thankful.
I just can't let other people ruin my thoughts. Screw them!

The Hangar Queen said...

I like to share.The pain that is.I have a lovely expandable baton for you and it would be just perfect for both wanker sub-groups.

'SNIK' goes the baton
'CRUNCH' goes the bridge of the nose.

Call it performance art.

Old Knudsen said...

I don't think art should smell like shit but thats just me. You must be handy for the Upper Malone crowd then.

The Tall Red Head said...

There is nothing more annoying than people coming in and looking at your wine list and then asking if you have something that ISN'T on your wine list. "Why yes Wanker! We DO have that particular brand hiding out the back, we just don't put it on the List so fuck-wits can ask us if we have it! We have a whole cellar of wines that we haven't put on there just so people can get a pleasant surprise when they ask us if we have it." Fucktards, the lot of them.

gimme a minute said...

Once I rode proud upon that pogo stick...

Sharon said...

Class Manuel!

I have to say, like Medbh I had a little cheer when you busted the media and Brand/Ross on ignoring the affront to Sach's granddaughter.

Up their own arse pontification must be crushed!
Have you ever seen a film at the QFT? I've only been a few times and it's a nice place and good to see stuff that you mightn't see in the multiplexes, but the level of wankery in the audience is off the chart.

Tall Red Head, I can only imagine the level of ego existing in the punter asking for off the list wine. They are swanking fuck-wits indeed. But I would request that you reconsider the use of the word "fucktard". "Fuckers" is a nice enough word, or even "stupid fuckers". I just hate the proliferation of "tard" words as a way of insulting people.

toast said...

good post that - as for Brand - is he now a registered Sachs Offender?

you can have that one if you like

sheepworrier said...

Brand is a talentless fucktard of the highest order, and Wossy is a sychophantic, unfunny twat. Both of them are going on the bonfire come July time.

Manuel said...

steve: not me. I feel every remark and am wounded by every sour look. Seriously insecure.....

the hangar queen: awesome......Saturday nights at work would be like a scene from a clockwork orange....

old k: wrong again.....awh keep trying though old chap

the tall red head: yup, with you on that one. It;s all about showing off their limited wine/food knowledge.....twats

gimme: didn't we all......you cant go back man, you just cant go back

sharon: and still the news today is about the three men involved but not a mention of the granddaughter....The QFT? bwahahahaha, yes it has a wanker magnet built right in to the building. It draws them in from far and wide to watch pretentious Belgian movies with no subtitles or plot. Oh they do like the smell of their own farts....

toast: I will use it sparingly so as not to diminish it's popularity or indeed its power.....pity brand/ross didn't think in the same way

Manuel said...

sheepo: why wait......there's bonfires on the 5th, lets burn em! build a bonfire build a bonfire put rossy on the top, put brand in the middle and we'll burn the fucking lot.....I. AM. AWESOME......

The Tall Red Head said...

Sorry Sharon, that was a typo,,It was meant to be FUCKARDS..a word we use in my pub for annoying wankers. My spelling is not the best, hence I often write "Busty" instead of "Busy". No offence was meant.

A.C said...

That show was particularly bad they had Gael Garcia Bernal the actor on also and Russell and Jonathan wouldn't give him a chance to speak they were too busy trying to beat the other in a battle of the quips. Bring back Matthew Morgan!

Groups of people I dislike - Bitchy queens and angry middle aged women who hang around the 'mind body and spirit' section of bookshops and demand to know why you don't have "the power of now" or some other similarly titled piece of desperado bull crap.

Sharon said...

Tall Red Head, respect woman!
Few people would heed that request.

Native Minnow said...

You're just being an old fuddy-duddy.

I hate people who say fuddy-duddy.

Manuel said...

The tall red head: It's all good now though....

a.c: it;s an ego trip for those two twats.Bwahahahaha there is very little worse than people looking for "their centre" yuk.....

sharon: good people round these parts....

minnow: I'm fuddy and proud.....

MJ said...

I misread that as 2008 "Belfast Festival OF Queens" and expected to see a gay pride parade when I clicked on the link.

Manuel said...

mj: oh no the other queens festival is far more fun!

Niall said...

lol I posted something similar the other day about damian hirst. now that guy pisses me off!

tell me what u think

ldbug said...

Ahh the hippies! The hippies!

I, for one, shave my arm pits.

psychoknitter said...

hahaha this post is close to my heart.

daisyfae said...

next year i'll bring my bit of performance art to Belfast "Trailer Park Big-Foot Truck of Justice"... see you in the car park? you can point out the worst offenders...

Manuel said...

niall: be over in a mo...

ldbug: welcome! Ah then you really are welcome

psychoknitter: welcome! kindred spirits

daisyfae: I'll hold you to that...bring plenty of ammo....

Mudflapgypsy said...

Y'know that is the main reason I hate going to the "Grand Opera House". It is full of knobs who are only there to be seen to be there and then rush out and tell their friends whre they are via mobile telephone. Twat is too kindly a word.

As for Ross and Brand...overpaid.

fgeegf said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,