Thursday, 2 October 2008

Sharing.....

It was Saturday night and all the guests were eating, except table 27 who had yet to grace us with their presence. This wasn't particularly annoying me despite the fact that I had already rung the tardy bell on them (ie phoned them). I was sure that they weren't coming. But all round I could see faces of contentment - the happiness and merriment was unbound. Not a bitter bunny to be seen anywhere. Well except the ones in the pies, I'm sure they were pretty bitter about life or death as the case may be.

not for sharing
apparently...

I was called by the manager on pass, the delivery hole through which all food comes, to pick up the starters for table 23. Being a good waiter and in need of building up my "good boy credits" I did exactly that without muttering or telling anyone to go "fuck themselves". My good boy credits have been falling worse than banking shares recently due to, allegedly, committing various sins such as answering back, being argumentative with guests, and making up the rules as I go. Clearly I deny it all and feel victimized, and I told them so whilst shouting at them on an unapproved smoke break.

Good boy credits cant be exchanged for anything useful like iPods and what have you but they can be pulled out when you are getting a bollocking for such sins as answering back, being argumentative with guests, and making up the rules as you go along. Clearly the notion of good boy credits is all in my head, but I like the idea of them.

But I lifted the starters of mussels in a white wine sauce thingy and a board of bread and tapenade and sauntered in an efficient and jovial manner to table 3 which was amusing seeing as I was supposed to be going to table 23. Minus two credits for that. But I eventually found my way, complete with cooling mussels and the bread, to table 23 where I was greeted by two chaps baring more than a striking resemblance to Siegfried and Roy.

Seriously if anything deserved an Awesome-o it was that. Looking like Siegfried and Roy is a challenge anywhere, but in Belfast? Crikey!

I had to pause for a moment to absorb the camp majesty of the two of them. It was the badly dyed hair that got me at first, it was so bad and so out of place, on top of their heads that is, that I felt that I should get them both separate places for their respective bonces. And it wasn't just the shiny hair it was the shiny faces and shiny teeth too. It was all just too much. They needed to turn down the glare. They both smiled at me with big toothy blinding smiles which was more than a touch unnerving for me as I tried to conceal my own milky brown nashers.

Roy, fake black hair and grey eyebrows and favouring a rub on tan, was having the mussels. Siegfried, fake blonde hair blackish grey eyebrows and clearly favouring the charing of a sun bed, was having the bread not that this stopped him sampling some of Roy's mussels. And it was this sampling that started the trouble.

"Whatcha doing there Mr Siegfried?" asked Roy with more than a dollop of drama.

"Oh get over yourself Mr Roy, I'm just trying a mussel. You don't normally complain." replied Siegfried with a similar sized dollop of entendre.

But Roy wasn't laughing. I shuffled off at a quick pace to get him a finger bowl for his mussels. This was going somewhere and I didn't want to miss it.

"If you wanted mussels you should have just ordered them." Roy had a huff on and had dragged his bowl of mussels towards himself in an attempt to keep shifty Siegfried away from them.

"You want some of my bread?"

"It's not a fair swap Mr Siegfried and you know it."

"Oh for fu....sake." He suppressed the swear word for my benefit, which was nice, not needed but nice all the same.

This was mucho fun and I was really getting into it when table 27 finally made an appearance. Arse, now they really had annoyed me, imagine, dragging me away from the mussel spat on 23. But after a while I had to go back to the magic men on table 23. I cleared the starter dishes and tried to cut the atmosphere, but to no success.

"Excuse me waiter..." it was Roy, "...can you get Mr Siegfried some chips with his main course...."

Siegfried cut in with,"Oh. My. God. You are so childish"

"Well waiter, he didn't order them and he's not getting any of mine."

I had to focus on dead tigers to stop myself bursting into laughter. I ordered the extra chips and after a wee wait I served their food. They still weren't talking to each other. Roy had swiveled to the side and was facing out into the restaurant and away from Siegfried. This was so daft and all over a few pinched mussels.

But isn't that part of the fun of going out to eat, the sharing, the trying of your partners food. It is when we go out. I mean Little Miss Manuel is forever shoveling bits of steak and peculiar fish onto my plate and occasionally a few morsels head back the other way. Sometimes the kitchen will send out large bowls of chips and vegetables etc when its a large table. These are intended as share bowls. But you can bet me any money you want that at least one idiot, who was most probably not slapped enough as a child, will start bitching and moaning about wanting a bowl of their own. It's so fucking tedious and so completely infantile.

Sharing is a good thing. Embrace the sharing, well at least don't fall out over it. Let your forks wander and move your plates closer not further apart.

In the end Mr Siegfried and Mr Roy made up and shared a chocolate cake. As for the late comers on table 27,

I shared my sarcasm and bitterness with them.........

So are you a sharer or a hoarder of food?

28 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Native Minnow said...

I like the idea of good boy credits.

I don't like the idea of sharing dessert with Siegfried and Roy.

Manuel said...

minnow: oh I dunno, having read your last post i'm not so sure....

witchypoo said...

OH, you have to share, otherwise you don't get tastes of their food.

B said...

was it siegfried or roy that got killed last year?

i tipped someone last night,
then i realised i'm a student... and i tipped someone.
surely that means i should be committed?

paddy said...

I get no choice on the sharing front. The darling wife has a strict 'no chips' policy which lasts exactly from the moment she orders till the moment my meal arrives. The 'no chips' policy is then suspended until a goodly number of my chips are taxed.

Silverstar said...

It depends. If it's chocolate, the answer is no.

Kezza said...

Sharing is a must, my Siegfried never used to be a sharer but after having me shove bits of my meal onto his plate he has learnt how to share. Now we are to that sickening point where we can't decide what to eat, we order one thing each, split most of it then swap plates halfway through.

I say sharing is a must and anyone who refuses to share should be forced to dine in the back alley, within earshot of the chefs, seated at a table overflowing with cigarette butts, between a leaking sweage pipe and the garbage bins.

Sonaroo said...

One of the major deciding factors in me ending a 5-year relationship was the fact that my partner flat-out refused to share. Ever. The number of times that I heard, 'You ordered that because it's what you wanted. I ordered this because it's what I wanted.' Pffffft! Banish him to mystery-meat-eating hell, I say.

By the way, I know I'm a tad(?!) late on this but I have to say that my constant (over)use of the word 'coolio' (much to the disgust of my nearest & dearest) would probably rival your awesome-o

Echo said...

Offering dining companions food off my plate ? Sure - I'll gladly give you a taste or even split the whole meal, but please - let me offer. Nothing annoys me more than the sudden appearance of a fork or fingers under my nose as someone snags part of my meal before I've even had a bite.

Sue C. said...

Sharing is part of the joys of eating. Though, I ask first if I could try something from my friends' plates.

MJ said...

Only with close friends.

Since the great hepatitis scare, I'm leery of sharing plates of appetizers and the like with casual acquaintances or groups.

conortje said...

sharing is fine..stealing on the other hand...

redleeroy said...

Share. Share. Share.

Melissa said...

Sharing is the best way, and I'm convinced it makes the food taste better. In SE Asia everyone shares out of common bowls, you just take a spoon of food as you're going to eat it (no hoarding of portions on your own plate). It's communal and fun.

I also like those family style restaurants in the States, where you order for the table rather than a meal (though surely the portions are enough to feed a primary school in Belfast rather than a family of 4 in the US!).

Yeah, non-sharers are blech. Did you ever see the episode of Friends where Joey refused to share his food? Sounds like Mr's Siegfried and Roy.

sheepworrier said...

Ah sharing is the best. Except if you are sharing partners with your mates - thats not so good.

Manuel said...

witchypoo: exactly!

b: for that reason and many many others.....

paddy: cover them in a sauce she does not like or cough on them.....hehehehe

silverstar: very sensible....

kezza: ah you've been to my work then....

sonaroo: welcome! yeah coolio was ironically enough never a cool word to say.....

echo: yeah that's fair enough.....apart from that it's stealing....

sue c: that's cause you're a lady....awh

mj: bwahahahahaha

conortje: less so.....oh by the by i got some DeVotchKa recently......really glad i did

redleeroy: we bloggers probably share too much

melissa: yes, yes I did......I like sharing.....you know you are with good people when they are sharing freely...

Manuel said...

sheepo: [insert ex-wife joke here] or not as the case may be......

Red hair, Red face said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maxi Cane said...

If we're out and both trying new stuff, then share away and taste everything.

If we're having steak and chips, but she doesn't order chips because she knows I'll be having some? That's a sure fire way to ending up with a hook for a hand.

PRyin said...

There are certain phrases in your posts which tickle me no end.
Today's was "mussel spat".

As for sharing, in 'my special place' we order a decent plate of cheese and meats to share - with bread (and a fine wine, of course). It's the only way.

jen said...

Always a sharer, never a hoarder/begrudger when it comes to food. There seems to be some unwritten law somwhere though, that says 'And lo, one of you shall accidentally order the better meal of the night, leaving your partner to make puppy eyes at your plate for the rest of the evening.'

Niall said...

call me old fashioned but coming form the culchie ethos of "touch something of mine with out my express permission or hints of sexual advancement I will gut you and feed you to the pigs" I would have to say he did just right. All be it far far far to camply but hey thats how they roll. Country scenario would have seen fisticuffs and dead waiting staff. Long live progress

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

I am not a big fan of sharing my food.You know when something new comes on the menu and they make a plate for everyone to try.All the forks everywhere from people tasting it.Unless I am the first to try it I can't taste it.It is too gross to look at.

Medbh said...

I look for any excuse to get rid of food on my plate, Manuel. But once my MIL stuck her fork on my plate and I lost it entirely.

savannah said...

share, sugar! xoxo

sadi said...

I share for sure. We'll try a little of each other's entree.

When I dine with my mom, we make sure to get 2 different dishes so we can try each other's food. Although sometimes if hers is better, it causes diner's regret.

belfastyouthworker said...

i love the idea of good boy credits too. i fear i withdrew all of my good girl credits from the bank of good people (recently nationalised) today when i told my absolutely lovely legend of a manager to fuck off. oops. siegfried and roy in belfast? i bet they were at the opera house, there's some pretentious shit on there at the moment

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