Subscribe...

Sunday 12 October 2008

Manuel cannot survive on the diet of a supermodel......

Waiting as a profession does not lend itself well to living a healthy and surgeon general approved lifestyle. Take Friday for example, a day that was marked by a complete lack of anything that could be described as conducive to a hearty and wholesome life, except for the tips which were great and warmed the cockles of my filthy black heart. Saying that I'll probably spend the money on red meat and smokes.

The day didn't start well. I was too tired from my twelve hour shift on Thursday to get it together to make a decent breakfast so I made a cup of tea and smoked three fags whilst checking my emails etc. I picked waiter chum number 1 up in a taxi on the way to the dark satanic mill, so there was no walking or effort put in there. When we got to work we stood outside in the rain for about ten minutes like mourners at a funeral smoking our smokes and kicking our heels.

not the breakfast lunch dinner of champions,
but the it is the breakfast lunch dinner of a waiter....


Espressos, doubles to be precise, were secured and necked before our coats were even off. This was followed by a forty minute burst of energy, bar stocked, tables set, fruit cut and all the other inconveniences that make up our morning routine. The phone was getting in the way with it's constant chirp chirping. But we still had time for more espresso and smokes, two smoke to be precise.

So by twelve we had ripped through seven cigarettes, numerous espressos and cups of tea but no food. That's not so good.

We then got tanked, ripped apart, shafted and generally turned over during the next three hours. This included a Viking invasion at 2pm when a table of twelve from Denmark, Sweden, and Norway showed up for lunch all looking for Irish beer and traditional Irish food. I was tempted to offer then a smoke and an espresso but thought better of it.

We were meant to be going on our split at 3pm but with the restaurant still busy and in need of reconstruction there was no chance of this happening. So we huffed for a moment, this was made up with swearing and kicking of inanimate objects, and then got another round of smokes in. A one smoke break this time as we had lots to be doing. But by four we had the restaurant reset and looking glorious. There are few things more satisfying to gaze upon more than a perfectly set and empty restaurant.

With less than an hour until we started again there really wasn't any time to beg a chef to cook us something nice to eat.

"Fuck this I'm going for a smoke", I exclaimed. I was hungry, huffy, and in desperate need of sustenance.

"I'm not." replied waiter chum number 1.

"What? Why?" I mean the one thing I can always count on is that waiter chum number 1's dedication to smoking is second only to my own.

"I'm going for a freedom smoke.", she said all smug.

"A freedom smoke?"

"A freedom smoke. A smoke free from guests, the phone and managerial interference oh and Vikings.

"Freedom smoke eh?"

"Freedom smoke."

"I shall join you and we shall enjoy the smoky taste of freedom together!"

"They can take away our splits. They can take away our food. But they can never takeaway our freedom.......smokes."

"Huzzah for freedom smokes!", we cried with a vociferous yell.

A half hour later we trudged back into work cold, wet and breathing like an asthmatic Darth Vader. Freedom isn't so tasty after the fourth round. Freedom comes at a cost.

The evening battle kicked off early and stayed busy right to the end. So by half eleven I was ready to eat the fist of myself. Apart from a few stolen fries here and there I'd eaten nothing all day and was suffering because of it. I mean as well as the caffeine shakes and the complete lack of energy there was also a constant low grumble emanating from my tum tum. It was getting louder too. Smoking would quell it.

By the time I got home and managed to prepare myself something to eat with what little energy I could muster I had probably smoked twenty plus cigarettes on an empty stomach. That's really not good I mean I'm no supermodel and cant survive on a supermodel diet.

So the moral of the story is this, Manuel cannot live on freedom smokes and espresso alone, he also needs food.

Okay okay the moral of the story is Manuel smokes too much and needs to start thinking about considering maybe planning to reduce the amount he smokes with the long term aim of giving them up.

Eventually.

In the future.

Someday.

21 People trying to get Manuel's attention:

Megan McGurk said...

No pressure, Manuel.
Give them up when you're ready.
Are you able to at least pilfer some bread and cheese from the kitchen when you don't have the opportunity to have a meal?
At least it would be a nice coat on the stomach.

Manuel said...

medbh: most splits aren't a problem and I tend to be good to myself when I get the chance to get away. The chefs are pretty good to us but it was just too busy on friday to be bothering them.......it would have ended in tears......mine most probably

savannah said...

and here i am ready to start again..for a month because ...because...ok, i don't know why..just because.







i already miss the MITM. :(

xoxooxx

Manuel said...

savannah: we'll smoke together! hurrah!

Paddy in BA (Quickroute) said...

Burn the candle at both ends - fitness is just a fad!

Manuel said...

quickie: awesome! you're my sort of fitness guru...

Silverstar said...

When my siblings tackle me about my girth, I just tell them I'll survive the next famine, and they won't. Never got into the smoking thing, but as a nurse for many years, I know what it is to be run off your feet with no hope of food.

Anonymous said...

I don't smoke at all luckily.My last smoke was March 10th , 1996 when the bartender on the cruise ship gave me one on my last night. I only borrowed the odd cigarette never bought any.They would just go bad anyway if I did buy them.So I guess I am lucky that way.I am eating better now that I work evenings only.With splits I can't enjoy the food anyway.

Old Knudsen said...

Give up smoking? I knew you were a cunt but I didn't think you were a quitter.

paddy said...

caffeine and fags - the breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions (though I am a cola rater than coffee man myself)

They do have the unfortunate effect of making you a thirty-six year old man living in a fifty-six year old man's body after a while though.

Manuel said...

silverstar: you tell em!

steve: I didn't start smoking until i was about 20.....so so stupid

old k: never!!!

paddy: yeah tell me about it......it's not so cool.....

Katie said...

As a caffeine intolerant non- smoker just imagining this makes me feel ill!

Anonymous said...

oh dude i klnow that feeling. i am currantly on that diet and i am not for the better of it.

Anonymous said...

That used to be my diet, starting with the whore's breakfast of cigs and coffee, and I wondered why I had so many headaches. Hello? Blood sugar?

daisy mae said...

oh manuel - you just make me miss waiting tables! the lack of sleep, the lack of food, the big fat wallet at the end of the shift (promptly half-spent on the way home...)

i was never a smoker, which i used to my advantage - i'd step outside for a "food break". in the cloud of smoke, when the management would ask what the hell i thought i was doing, i simply had to point to the smokers and say "smoke break, see?"

it always irked me that the non-smokers were expected to cover tables for servers who were out smoking.... multiple times a day. i started charging $5 a pop - never asked again, though!

Unhinged said...

I more than feel your pain. I work a double every Friday. It can't be called a split since I don't really get a break between. There have been many Fridays I have looked at the clock and realized I haven't had food in over 8 hours. By the time I realize this the kitchen is closed. Seems I forget about feeding myself while waiting for the kitchen to close so I can stop feeding others.

Megan McGurk said...

Saw this article today on a restaurant in California that stopped allowing waiters to accept tips. It'll make your blood pressure rise.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/12/magazine/12tipping-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine&oref=slogin

Manuel said...

katie: Oh me too but yet I still do it....

vicky: welcome! best avoided...

witchypoo: I have to change my ways....

daisy: yeah some of the non-smokers go for "smoke breaks" too....it annoys me....hypocrisy....on my behalf...

lone waitress: when I'm working all I wanna do is eat but on my days off I rarely bother.....much

medbh: saw it yesterday.....utter nonsense.....

Anonymous said...

The smoky taste of freedom together shall sustain you for another day surely?

Sigh...

Manuel said...

raptureponies: and many more to come one hopes.....I'm no quitter....eek

Anonymous said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網,
美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇,
日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,